Post # 1
Do/have any other brides felt completely overwhelmed by the contributions (gifts, time, help, money) that friends and family have made during the wedding planning process? I felt this way after each of my showers, and felt the same way last night when I found out my sister and her friend had given me a $100 gift card (I thought it was $50) to buy makeup to use for my wedding.
I just feel like I don’t deserve all the amazing things people have done for me (my mom throwing an awesome shower, my aunts giving me insanely generous gifts, my best friends helping me make 100 jars of jam, my dad giving me money as a ‘wedding gift’ and to help pay for the wedding). Am I thankful and appreciative for all this – absolutely! But those happy, grateful feelings are buried beneath ones like shame that I’m somehow taking advantage of my loved ones, and worry that I’ll never be able to repay what they have done for me.
My FI and I have got gifts for our parents, groomsmen and bridesmaids, but I can’t help thinking it isn’t nearly enough. We will definitely be writing very heartfelt cards to each of our parents and bridal party members as part of those gifts, which we are giving at the rehearsal dinner, but I still feel like we need to do more.
Has anyone had a similar experience, and if so, how did you deal?
Post # 3
Sounds like you must be an awesome daughter and friend to have so many people that love you and are generous. It also sounds like you have wonderful family and friends. Just enjoy!
Post # 4
@Little_Nut88: Interesting how weddings can bring out the best and/or worst in people. I’m so glad that you’re having a great experience 🙂 And it says a lot about you that you’re so greatful.
Post # 5
Your family loves you and wants to share in your happiness.
One idea would be to give them special recognition, maybe on the back of your program. Write your own personal think you note, or dedicate a poem or quote to certain special people.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@Little_Nut88: Aw sweets, that just shows how much they love you, and I’m sure you deserve it. If it makes you feel better, store this away in a mental favor bank – get them back when they get married or have babies or need help moving or it’s their birthday…
Post # 7
@Little_Nut88: Hi. I’m so glad someone posted this. 🙂
I got all my crystal from my grandmother and was sooo touched by the generosity. We are close…but still! Then my aunt gave us really expensive cannisters I thought, while very needed, others would consider it “fluffy”… It was one of the first things purchased for us. Then my grandmother (again!) got us our KA mixer. I have wanted one since I was a kid and she fulfilled that wish. And then my family threw me a shower!
FI’s work place threw us a shower. I had never met these people! So kind of them!
And then my very good friend is throwing me a shower this weekend. She has been dying to do it since we got engaged. And we are just going away, us 2, to marry!!! Everyone knows this…and still!
Lastly, we got cute luggage tags as a thank you from our photographer. I feel they don’t belong to me…like who are they for? Does that make sense? I guess b/c I don’t think I deserve it all.
Oh and my engagement ring…it is very expensive and beautiful. Sometimes I think my hand isn’t nice enough to pull it off or people look at me and think, “Why is SHE wearing that?”.
Post # 8
@Little_Nut88: I just noticed your wedding date…5 days before mine. Truly, I’m freaking out. Not that I don’t want to marry him…it’s a lot of other things…stuff like what you posted…never being able to repay such niceness and getting all this nice stuff. So I’m wondering…did you always feel this way? Or did it just start? Mine kind of just started a few days ago.
Post # 9
@creativeplannertobee: Thanks, I am very lucky to have amazing people in my life!
@wideeyes: So true, that it brings our the best and worst. Especially when I read some of the stories here on WB about totally unsupportive families, it just reminds me how lucky I am!
@emviamama: That’s a good point… my FI and I are planning to do a thank-you speech at the wedding where we are mostly going to acknowledge the support of our bridal party and parents who have done so much for us.
@lolot: I wish so badly that my two best friends/bridesmaids would get married (they are a couple) so I could pay them back for all the ways they have helped me with planning! But for now I’ll be getting them amazing birthday presents (both their birthdays are the month after the wedding, so that’s handy!)
Post # 10
@Coral99: Wow, that’s amazing, your grandmother is so generous! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way, but it helps to hear from you, because when I was reading your post I was thinking “but of course you deserve this, everyone is just so happy for you!” It’s good to look at it from that perspective.
I’ve been feeling like this since my first shower which was at the end of August. I literally came home afterwards and cried because I couldn’t believe the generosity and thoughtfulness of my family.
Yeah I’m definitely starting to freak out too, with only 9 days to go now!
Post # 11
Think of it as reaping what you sow. You don’t even realize it, but you’ve somehow helped all these people or made their lives better in ways you don’t even know. You get out of life what you put in. If you weren’t deserving of these things, you would not be receiving them.
It’s good you’re grateful.. but try to enjoy. People aren’t stupid… if you weren’t a good person who deserved this, people wouldn’t be so generous.
Post # 12
@Little_Nut88: Be gracious and accept their help and gifts. They love you and just want to help. You are fortunate, this could easily be going in the other direction!!
Post # 13
@Little_Nut88: I totally understamd how you feel. The day after our wedding, DH, my parents and I all sat down to sort out the gifts, and make a record of who gave what (for thank you cards).
By the end, all 4 of us were crying! We couldn’t believe the generosity of our guests, and we were just so greatful. My DH and I had to immediately leave for our honeymoon, so we didn’t really get a chance to “deal” with the emotions. (Even when we were on the plane, if I thought back to earlier in the afternoon, I would start to cry!)
By the next day I felt better, after getting some much needed sleep, and the distraction of my honeymoon.
At the end of the day, enjoy the time you spend with these very special people, and make sure to write them heartfelt thank you cards. And don’t worry too much, a time will come when these people will need you (wedding related, or otherwise), and I am sure you will be there.
Post # 14
lol, I posted almost the exact same question yesterday….if anyone else was shocked by the generosity of their wedding guests (in a good way). When we sat and opened all the cards (we only got like 3-4 physical gifts) we were slack jawed! Couldnt even believe it….. I was keeping track in an excel spreadsheet as we went and when I showed DH at the end he almost fell on the floor! lol