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I can't say that I've dealt with this, other than when something comes close to my windshield while driving, like a bug, or maybe a small piece of debris that comes up. A few years ago, a piece of retread from a tractor trailer tire smashed my w/s while I was driving fast on a crowded highway, and if it weren't for my husband (then bf) being in the passenger seat, I would be dead, along with a lot of other people. Thankfully, the tire went off the road, into some woods, and no one else was affected (we had to sit on the side of the road for 2 hours waiting to be picked up and brought home).
So, because of that, anything that comes at me makes me flinch, and my heart goes into my throat, which I suspect may never go away. But, it doesn't affect my driving. I guess I'm ok with death, because I'm a life insurance agent, so I have to talk about it a lot.
My advice would be to talk to a therapist that deals with these types of things, so you can learn why you think this way, and what you can do to help cope with the feelings. Especially since it is affecting your life. Hopefully, you can find someone who can help you overcome without meds (I'm sure it can be done).
@Papillon23: I think everyone (or most people) experiences something like this at some point or another. This was last winter to a T for me. I was driving myself crazy thinking about what will happen after, what will happen if the world ends, etc. It was a few months of questioning a lot of things and asking myself if I do believe in God and what do I believe in. It was hard, confusing, upsetting, scary, etc. The time passed and while I still have these thoughts randomly and occasionally, it's not making me mad like it was before. I would say that seeing a therapist might not help you, but it may at least be a good person to tell your feelings to. Or maybe go to a spiritual advisor of some sort to talk about your questions and concerns. What you are going through is totally normal!
My mother was killed by a drunk driver almost two years ago and I still have trouble driving down the street without thinking that someone out there is going to hurt me. I still drive though and just push through the anxiety because driving is a necessity for me. I have days where I fear for the lives of everyone I love but then I say a little internal prayer to help me cope. I'm not religious but voicing my concerns and asking for help helps me calm down and think about what I'm feeling. After I think it over I realize that I can either try and live a happy life or I can be a miserable shut-in. So, obviously, I choose to be happy. You may not have a lot of choices in life but you can choose how you cope with your emotions.
@Papillon23: I have dealt with something similar my entire life. the older I get the easier it is to deal with. I grew up seriously believing that I would never live past age 28. Why? I have no idea. I am currently 26, closer and closer to my death age but for some reason I dont think about it as much anymore. I have never been able to see myself growing old or even being an "adult". However, in the past few years I feel more and more like I will make it past that age and that this might not be real. I know it sounds crazy to think I will die at a certain age but its how I truly felt. No one knows this except my sister. NOT even DH.
It is interesting thatt you post this today because today was the first time in a long time that I felt that something really bad was going to happen to me. I was walking to the store (about 5 blocks) and all the traffic seemed really loud and I felt that everyone I walked by was looking at me. I got this overwhelming feeling that something very bad was going to happen to me. But, I continued my trip and made it home just fine.
Since I met DH, my fear of my death became little and little and my fear of him dying became stronger. It has minimized though. Like I said, it used to be something that I thought of EVERY DAY but now its only periodically(weekly).
I am sorry that you feel these awful feelings. I think it is a great idea to seek help. I have been trying to talk myself into seaking therapy for a very long time. I just cannot do it. You are a very strong person for doing this!!! I am sure it will pay off. Be well..
You sound like me :) In fact, I could have written this post almost. I've been terrified of death/the afterlife since I was a little girl. They say I didn't have the bad anxiety until a traumatic incident happened, but ever since then I've been a very anxious person. Especially in regards to death. If I see a movie that has anything to do with death/afterlife/eternity/heaven/hell/watever, I can get suddenly very freaked out. I am mostly afraid of what will happen if there is nothing after this. That scares me more than Heaven or Hell.
One of the things that helps calm me down a little bit is something that I heard going through RCIA in the Catholic Church. Fr. Michael Himes was explaining how death isn't the end, but the beginning. I had heard this many times before, but he then likened it to a baby being born. Leaving the soft warm womb, the only life its ever known, and being forced through some small opening towards a strange light. The infant would surely think "this is death. I'm dying!" But if we could speak to that infant, we would say "don't be afraid, the world you're being born into is so much more amazing than you could imagine." I don't know if that is a comfort to you at all, but it makes me feel better.
I applaud you for seeking professional help on this. With the love and support of my husband I have calmed down considerably, but I still hope to get professional help when we have a bit more money to do so. Good luck, my dear and big {{hugs}}
@swanks4tw: you sound similar to me! I remember watching Gandhi one time and thinking that so many people have died since then and so many people died before then too. And it really freaked me out. I can't deal with the thought of eternity at all. I really like that quote you posted. That makes me feel better :)
@swanks4tw: that is a really good way of looking at it, thanks for posting!!
So, not only can I identify with everything you wrote... reading your post sent me into that mild panic mode with chills running down my spine and paralyzing fear. Augh.
I didn't used to be like this, but after a series of traumatic events in 2009 it became a HUGE thing in my life. I'm also a worrier and have huge tendency to obsess over things to the point of paranoia. I know I need some professional help, too, but after my first "break" episode where I had a full-on panic attack about this I saw a therapist who honestly only made it worse and I've been afraid to go back since then.
To cope... I try to think about all the good things in my life. I try to keep busy, especially. I exercise a LOT which curbs my stress and anxiety - in fact, the less I exercise nowadays, the more anxious I feel and the worse I sleep. So try joining a class or hitting the gym or just going on walks a few times a week.
Also, in the moment when I have a panic attack or start to feel those thoughts/feelings coming on I try to immediately distract myself. I've found repetitive computer games help the most (big fan of Diner Dash type time management) or fun, light-hearted sitcoms.
Take yourself out of the moment with something fun and then put yourself to work doing something.
PitBulLover and MrsSl82be, You're welcome. It's something that gives me peace, and I love to share peace when I can :)
I also have to agree with jocember, working out regularly has helped a lot with my anxiety. I didn't realize how much it improved my mood until DH and I started working out every day. Even if it wasn't helping me lose weight, I think I'd continue to go every day just for my emotional health.
Thank you guys! Reading your stories and advice put me at ease because it reminds me that I'm not alone. I feel much more relaxed (for now), and that is always a good things. One day at a time :-)
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So, I'm at a point where I realize I need professional help. Until then, I need some advice/perspective. (And I know I sound crazy in this...I try to have a good sense of humor with this all, but...)
I have always been a worrier and someone who has delt with anxiety. I have never been on anti-depressants and I'd rather not go that route. However, for the past few months, I have been filled with an overwhelming and growing fear of death and the unknown that is driving me crazy. I hate not knowing what will happen after death, not being able to have the comfort of knowing for certain that my loved ones will still "be" with me. While I was born Catholic, I don't identify with the church. A professor once described me as a "seeker;" someone who will never settle for one answer/conclusion spiritually. Now this part of who I am is pulling me apart. The past week, I have been questioning whether anything in this life is real, and if it is perhaps a dream (yeah, think of the wife in "Inception"). My SO is supportive (though he did mention that there is a mental illiness where you think life is a dream... :-/ ), but I miss looking at the world more innocently and my body is beginning to physically react to the emotional stress I am in. I am paranoid that I will just drop dead at any second.
Does anybody else experience existential crisis from time to time? What is it like? How do you cope?