Post # 1
So for the past 10 months, I’ve started having this completely overwhelming urge to have a baby. I can’t describe it… Everything feels right for me to TTC, RIGHT NOW. (I’m 28, the FI is 31.)
Before tonight, I haven’t told anyone about this feeling, because I keep thinking it’ll pass, or maybe it’s just a phase. But it hasn’t faded, at all. Not in the slightest. It’s getting WORSE.
So, today I finally talked to my FI about it. He was very understanding, and compassionate… but said right now wouldn’t be the best time. And… he’s right.
Strike 1 – I’m overweight by about 40lbs. It was always my goal to lose at least 30lbs before TTC.
Strike 2 – I don’t have a job. I’m going back to school this fall, and my degree is going to take 4 years. I f*cked up a lot in my past, so I never finished school. Now I FINALLY figured out what I want to do. I know I’m a failure and I’m so angry at myself for not finishing earlier. So the only income in our relationship, comes from my FI.
Strike 3 – Strike’s 1 + 2 combined.
I find myself crying a lot now. I’m angry at myself for all of my failures. I’m the reason we cant TTC right now, so I have no one to blame but myself. But this feeling… this urge, this incredibly deep, soulful passion inside of me, isn’t leaving me alone.
How can I get through this? 🙁
Post # 3
@LadyMoriarty: Don’t cry! You’re actually lucky that it’s all in your hands. The harder you work, the closer you get! The weight loss thing is something you can literally start tomorrow. You’re unemployed and you’re not in school, so now is the best time to try to meet your weight loss goal.
As for school, can you see how the first year and a half goes? If you are really sticking to your studies, it might be possible for you and your FI to give it a one time per year try around October or November of your second and third years so it arrives in the summer. If you have a baby during school, it can actually be better for your career so you don’t have to take maternity leave during work. Several women in my grad program did this, and they were some of the brightest women I knew.
Post # 4
Oh Hun I’m sorry you feel this way 🙁 this is not your fault…ok so you made some bad decisions in your past who hasn’t? You need to focus on the here and now! I know the overwhelming desire for a child is very potent and powerful and there’s not much to ado about it except work as hard as you can to focus on bettering yourself so when the time comes your in the best possible place to have a child 🙂
Post # 5
@somethingaquamarine: Thank you for your kind words 🙂 My FI has said the same thing too: that I should use all this time I have to really focus on weight loss (he wasn’t saying I was fat or anything… but he knows it’s important to me.) And having a baby while in school as opposed to having one while having a job is a GREAT point! Thanks again 🙂
Post # 6
@StevieJo: Thank you 🙂 I am trying to fix some things and progress forward… sometimes it just catches up with me and feels so overwhelming, that I feel stuck as if nothing will get better.
Post # 7
Regardless of what you did or didn’t do in your past, when your body and brain decide they want a baby, that’s it…. we can’t help these things 🙁
I also long for a baby but FH is not ready and doesn’t want us to try for another 2 years. It’s pure torture.
Post # 8
@LadyMoriarty: focus on the positives you are planning on studying, which is a lt more than other do! You also recognise past makes, again, so much more than others do. Mostly you have a finance who clealy loves you and understands, or at least tries to.
Post # 9
i dunno, my opinion about these kinds of things tends to be different than the mainstream.
if you were 22 then yeah.
but you are 28. . .not ‘old’ by any means but not super young either. . .if you’re talking about a 4 year degree before ttc, well I wouldn’t want to wait that long either!
why can’t you ttc and be a stay at home wife then a stay at home mom, THEN go back to get your degree–does your dh not earn enough for that to be possibe?
i just know sometimes fertility is limited. . .i started ttc when 29 and I am 31 now. looking back, if I was married and had the chance to ttc at 28, 27, 26, etc then I would tell my younger self to just go for it.
you can always work a career, but you can’t always have a baby.
I KNOW that is like heresy for so many people these days. . .but biology is not as PC/feminist as we often are! 🙂
ps. also, you are going to put on weight with a baby. . .so i almost feel it might be *more* frustrating to lose a bunch of weight, then ruin your figure w pregnancy and have to lose it again. i mean, starting to eat healthy and work out is obviously a good thing for getting pregnant anyway. . .but saying ‘I must lose 40 lbs before ttc’. . .it’s a valid goal, but just wanted to point out that it could end up being frustrating too!
Post # 10
@hellorebecca: Oh I don’t plan on waiting 4 years before TTC. That part was mostly about how frustrated I was with myself on waiting so long to go back to college. I had a lot of problems with anxiety, and had a hard time coping with college when i was in my early 20’s… so I never stuck with a major and finished a degree. I want to start TTC next January… well, really, i want to TTC right NOW, but the FI and I have agreed to wait until January.
I definitely have to lose some weight though. Both of my parents have type 2 diabetes, and both my mom and my sister were severely overweight when they got pregnant, and as a result are now both obese. I cant let that happen to me. Realistically, if i lose 20 lbs, i’ll be happy. My ultimate goal is 40-50.. but I wouldn’t beat myself up if I didnt hit that exactly.
Post # 11
@LadyMoriarty: oh gotcha.. . .yes January sounds better than 4 years from now! well, i’m sure it’s still an agonizing wait. . .b/c I know when you feel ready, you’re ready NOW! and it’s hard to resist 🙂
best wishes to you with the weight loss goals though. . .20, maybe even 40 lbs sounds hard but doable in a 9 month timespan if your metabolism cooperates! here’s hoping everything goes well and you get the results you are wanting.
also good luck w the college and w keeping anxiety issues under control.
Post # 12
@LadyMoriarty: (((HUGE VIRTUAL BEAR HUGS)))) I would tell you dont cry, but i find that sometimes crying can help you letting all the anger and frustration out. Just dont cry your heart out. Before you know it January will be here and you will start your journey, but in the meantime you can start prepping for that journey. You can start tracking your periods and learn when you O days are within your cycle, you have that time to get that 30 lbs off, as you wanted, and you get to enjoy FI and You time! GL and I hope you feel better soon ;))))