Overzealous bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@March1stBride:  I don’t think you need to tell this BM outright to respect your MOH.  Just refer her back to your MOH when she mentions she’s planning your bachelorette party, like “actually MOH has that pretty well planned out – did she give you the plan and date?  I’m sure if MOH needs anything she’ll let you know!”  And if she says she’s spending the 3 days before your wedding with you let her know what you’ll actually be very busy doing those days but that you look forward to seeing her at the RD (if applicable).

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@March1stBride:  I had to kind of laugh becuase usually on the Bee we have the opposite of your problem where a BM isn’t involved enough. Anyway, when the issue of the bach and bridal shower come up, I would just tell her straight out that the MOH is handling it and that if she wants to work together with her, MOH would be more than happy to have some help.

As for leading up to the wedding, I would just tell her while you appreciate her wanting to take the time to spend time with you, but you will have to make it for a different day because you are very busy.

She may or not not get the hint.; If she doesn’t get it, you may have to be very direct with her.

Post # 5
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@mchitt329:  Ditto!  But you do need to be firm about it and you do need to put the kabosh on her coming 3 days early.

Post # 6
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@March1stBride:  Contact OZ Bridesmaid and sincerely thank her for her enthusiasm for your weeding and tell her how touched you are that she cares so much.  Then tell her that your MOH has the shower/bachelorette/whatever planned and if OZ has any questions or would like to help, to contact your MOH.  

Your MOH can also take a more assertive approach by setting up BM’s facebook group to communicate the details of any parties/events she has planned for you.  If OZ bridesmaid challenges her, she can refer her back to you so that you can back her up.  

Post # 7
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

 

@March1stBride:  Please see the post by @mchitt329:  as I agree with pretty much everything she said. If she becomes more aggressive in the next few weeks, then that would be the time to flat out tell her that she needs to step back.

And I just wanted to add, I think its very sweet of you to be so concerned about this. I think that sometimes Brides get so caught up in the excitement and planning that they can sometimes forget that their BMs are people too and that their lives don’t stop for one (very important) day in the Bride’s life.

Post # 8
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You need to put your foot down. Tell her you are busy before your wedding, and will see her the day of. When it comes to the bachelorette party, just tell her the MOH is already in planning mode, and that she needs to refer to her. That is all you have control over, so take it.

Post # 9
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You’re getting some fantastic advice here, OP. Make sure OZ BM knows that the MOH has the bachelorette party all planned and to talk to her if she wants to help. I have a major pet peeve with people just inviting themselves over to spend oodles of time with me without consulting me first (introvert here). Just tell her how much you appreciate the sentiment, but you’re going to be busy and just need that time with your Mom and MOH. If she continues to press the issue, you’ll have to get more firm and just say no. I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 11
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

As some other posters have said, it’s usually the opposite problem on the bee! Kind of the same happened to my wife, she was MOH at her sister’s wedding (for appearances though, not because they are THAT close), and one of the bridesmaids was DYING to be MOH. It made for some awkward moments, especially since SO wouldn’t have been particularly upset if she had been a bridesmaid and not MOH. Anyway, it worked out in the end, and it seems that it will work out great for you too. I suppose there are worse problems to have (not taking away from your situation, but at least it wasn’t the other way around!). Glad you were able to speak to her!

Post # 14
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you don’t want to hurt anyone feelings but this BM is hurting you and your MOH.  you need to stand up for yourself.

 

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