Post # 1
I had a baby 3 months ago and sex is still painful. I’m dealing with it medically, because it is a medical issue. It’s not in my head, I don’t just need to have a glass of wine. I have my first appointment with a pelvic floor physical therapist next week. The doctor who referred me to the physical therapy said I should probably wait for the therapy to start working before trying to have sex again, another six weeks.
My husband and I are both getting so incredibly impatient to have sex. We stopped doing it about 2 months before the baby was born becasue it was just too awkward and not fun. So by the time we are able to have sex again, it will have been over 6 months of no intercourse. This is really taking a toll on our marriage. Our connection is suffering and we are both starting to resent each other (and the baby) for how unfulfilled we feel.
Sure, we could make do with oral sex and manual stimulation, but for some reason we just don’t. I am sick of offering him blowjobs, trying to make up for the fact that I’m not sexually available for him right now, and having him turn them down for no reason I can see.
Sometimes you get a feeling where all you want is a hot, fast, vigorous fuck, and nothing else will do. How in the world do you satisfy that desire without penetration?
(Body image is not an issue here. I’m content, though not thrilled, with my postpartum body, and husband has no complaints. I’m only 6 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.)
I don’t want us to become a couple with a sexless marriage, but it’s too late, we already are. I’m afraid even once this physical, medical problem is solved, our ‘new normal’ will be not having sex, and that will continue, until we’re tracing our problems back to this moment for a therapist in a last-ditch effort to avoid divorce.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry, I wish I could give you ideas but that is one of my major fears of having a baby is sex not being the same ever again. I could not imagine not having sex for 6 months, I’d go insane. Don’t let anyone make you think it’s not a problem, if you and your husband want to have sex, it is most definitely a problem.
I hope it all works out for you and your husband, that would be awful to get a divorce over. Hopefully it’s nothing major and is easily fixable, I know you have to wait 6 weeks at least after having a baby so hopefully you just still have a little healing left to do. Good luck to you!!!
Post # 4
The only thing I can say is that 12 weeks is not that long. I’m sorry that you are having problems. After I had my babies sex didn’t hurt- but it didnt really get back to “normal” feeling for maybe 6 months. It is good that you are seeking a dr’s input.
Post # 5
Here’s my thought– if you really want to go for it, go for it. Be gentle and have the ability to laugh at the situation as it doesn’t work. That way your husband will know you want him and are trying and who knows– you may have really bad, semi-painful sex which satisfies the itch for a week or two until you can figure out what is going on. In my book, bad sex is better than no sex.
If you can’t try (it is just too painful), I suggest you be open in talking about how much it sucks. Misery loves company and it will keep the openness there for when it no longer hurts.
Post # 6
The way this pain works–it feels like there’s a wall inside he’s just running up against. It feels like the vagina walls just will not open wide enough to accomodate him, and he’s average-sized. It feels like it’s not really possible to just have sex anyway through the pain. The pain is such that it truly makes penetration impossible.
The worst part is that I think the problem could have been at least halfway solved if the doctors didn’t insist on a wait-and-see approach, probably because insurance companies insist they do. At my appointment 6 weeks after the birth, she said call us for an appointment if sex is painful after 3 weeks. So at 9 weeks I called for an appointment and couldn’t get in for two more weeks. Then they gave me an estrogen cream and said if that doesn’t work in three weeks, then we’ll send you to a specialist cilinic. I had that appointment today, and they just sent me to the physical therapy next week. If we had just started the physical therapy at 6 weeks, automatically, the way they do in France, I would probably be having pain-free sex by now. I will definitely push for this treatment plan after I have my next child, assuming I ever can concieve one.
Post # 7
Hmm… have you thought about anal-sex? i know it’s not the best advice, but you could try it and maybe you’ll like it or at least it wont be painful.
Im sorry i cant say much :/
I hope you get better soon.
Post # 8
hmm, I never really had any desire to explore anal sex. And since it’s bound to involve contact with some of the same muscle groups that are damaged or possibly spasming, I’m not sure it would be entirely painless anyway. I wouldn’t want to try it without at least running the idea by a doctor, at least. Thanks for thinking creatively though.
Post # 9
IT WILL GET BETTER!!!
It was at least 12 weeks before i was able to have sex. It hurt. Used a ton of lube and was a quicky.
Honestly…it was close to 9 months before I started enjoying sex again..and now it is better thanever..there were times I just has to have sex, deal with it, and that was that.
There is nothing wrong with you. Some women just take longer to heal. I totally get what you’re saying when it feels like the vaginal walls just wont loosen.same thing here. Such bad pelvic floor pain!
Dont loose faith. Seeing the physical therapist will be a great benefit as well!*hugs*
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park
Just remember that it’s all temporary. It’s going to be ok, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. You’re taking good first steps to conquer this difficulty and you both should take a deep breath and have a little more patience.
Have you tried masturbating with or for each other? I know it’s not penetration, but watching you get off might scratch an itch for him, and it can be very erotic to be that exposed and vulnerable for each other– an intimate experience in a different way.