Post # 1
I asked 8 girls to be bridesmaids and now I’m worrying that I’ve asked too many. I asked my sister, my cousin, my 2 best friends from college, my best friend from high school, and the other 3 are my closest friends in the city where I live now. Honestly I wasn’t sure about asking 2 of these people for various reasons but they both indicated they wanted to be bridesmaids and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
The last wedding I attended had 12 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen, which seemed like a lot, and 8 on each side seemed manageable compared to that. I didn’t know until recently that it’s more common to have 3-5 attendants on each side.
We’re only having about 125 guests. I don’t want to un-ask anyone but I’m really worried it’s going to be a bit ridiculous to have such a large bridal party at a fairly small wedding. Also, more bridesmaids means more expenses. So far my fiance has asked 6 of the 8 people he’s planning to ask.
What do you ladies think? Am I worrying over nothing or is it unwise to have such a large bridal party? I guess there’s nothing I can do at this point except see if my fiance is willing to have 6 on his side instead of 8.
Post # 3
I was in your boat. We had a wedding list of 150and I have 7 bridesmaids whicb I would have liked to have 5. FI has 4 and were fine being lopsided. It is costing me a fortune for their gifts though becauze I keep adding stuff and 7 is a lot to buy for. BUT I think large wedding parties are fine if thats what your vision is. I was “un asked” from a friends wedding a few years back when she realized she only wanted 3 inatead of 5 and she was sorry because the 2 of us she cut were the ones who live in town w her so she got no bridal shower or bachelorette party. Our feeling werent hurt that she cut us either cause at the time we didnt have the money for the dresses. But its your call. What are you comfortable with?
Post # 4
it’s not the 3-5 on a side that is the rule…. it’s that you should have 1 attendant couple for every 50 guests. So, for 150 guests you should have 3 attendants.
But it’s your wedding…. have whatever you want.
Why do you want your FI to cut down to 6, if you have 8? Balance would be much more important to me than the actual number. So, if you have 8…. then he should have 8.
However….. I see TONS of posts on here all the time about how so-and-so didn’t do a good job so they cut her out of the bridal party, or a girl gets pregnant and dropped out or whatever. So, depends on how reliable these girls are and where they live and what’s going on in their lives now. If you think you are going to end up with 8 bridesmaids though…. I’d want 8 groomsmen.
Post # 5
@spelunx: Well, 8 bridesmaids seems like a lot (I have 4), but its your wedding and your choice. I wouldn’t ask your FI to cut down because 1) that’s not fair to him 2) it would be uneven and draw more attention to how many BMs you have.
Post # 6
If your gut told you that you want these 8 girls by your side, and you’re just worried about some nitpicky person taking the time to note that you have a larger-than-usual bridal party in the midst of your beautiful wedding, you should stop worrying about it. As far as wedding problems go, this one is not worth the stress. If you asked 8 girls but you actually only want 6 of them at your side (regardless of other people’s opinions), then you should find a tactful way to unask them.
Post # 7
It’s your wedding, if you want them there, have them there. Don’t worry about how many people you think you should have, it’s quality, not quantity.
If you are truely certain that you need to downsize, do it sooner rather than later. You don’t want to turn away someone after they have bought a dress. Perhaps pick a few, tell them that you have overloaded yourself and would like to give them other roles. Perhaps they can sing, do a reading, etc. If there are extra men, they can be ushers. They can still be invited to bridal showers, bachelorette parties etc.
End of the day, it’s your wedding, and no one will be upset forever if you do it tactfully.
Post # 8
You could always ask a couple of them to do other things, like sing or do readings, instead. If you want, you could make it about money, or explain that the other girls take priority because most of them are family or you’ve known them much longer or something. Agree with PP, as long as you’re tactful it shouldn’t be a big deal. I think that’s quite a few bridesmaids for the number of guests you’re having, but do what feels best for you.
Post # 9
I’m unasking my sister and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.
She has social and agro phobia and in my newly engaged excitement said yes the second she asked if she was going to be a bridesmaid. However she has been very bad lately and whilst I don’t want to hurt her feelings- she has so much power to ruin the wedding. The trouble she also knows how much power she has and is a deeply hormonal teenager who will be my best friend one minute and be the girl from the exorcist the next.
I am saying something to the effect of “I’d love for you to do something special and know how much you like baking, so if you want you can be behind the seens doing that for us. You won’t have to talk to anyone and can have your ipod in the whole time- which is something you wouldnt be able to do as a bridesmaid. I’m still taking you shopping to buy you a nice outfit, I just won’t be parading you, especially when you’ve been so uncomfortable around people recently.”
Post # 10
Regardless of if 8 is too many, it is too late now to change your mind.
You have already asked them, so to go back now is really relationship ending.