(Closed) Parent Drama

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@sarah_martina:  I’m confused, what did your parents say no about?

Hopefully with the year you have FI’s parents will come around, but if they don’t you don’t have to explain that to anyone.  This day is yours and FI’s to plan.

Post # 4
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Can you give us more detail? What are your FILs insisting on? What culture/community is this?

Post # 5
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

That’s a probem. For many people (especially older people), cultural traditions are very important. They often have certain ones that really matter to them, more than others. In this case it sounds like a situation where their tradition expects the bride’s parents to honor the groom’s parents in a specific way. To not have that done may be a gross insult in their culture, and they could be deeply offended for a long time and potentially never approve of the marriage.

Why did your parents say no?

I’m all for respecting other cultures’ traditions whenever possible, especially if you’re marrying into the family. (Generally, cultures are traditionally xenophobic, so just allowing a “foreigner” to marry into the family can be seen as a huge concession).

If I were you, I would strongly push for my parents to complete their ritualistic role in my future in-laws’ eyes. If the problem is that the “gifts” are too costly (though I’m not familiar with any cultures with mandatorily really expensive gift or “dowry” requirements), perhaps a more affordable, but symbolically meaningful tribute could be given. I would consult with a third party that is from your in-laws’ cultural and/or religious background to figure out how the tradition can best be met.

If your parents are just being stubborn, ask the third party if there is something YOU can do in your parents’ place to honor your in-laws’ wedding tradition.

You probably guessed it, I am also bride marrying into a culturally different family, and I am bending over backwards to make sure my in laws feel their important traditions are honored. It’s winning me major brownie points… his mom has gone from hating me with an intense venom only equalled by how much she hated every other girlfiend he ever had (she was a tad possessive) to offering her own only diamond ring for FI to propose to me with (he didn’t take it, but that seriously shocked and honored me).

Post # 6
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@joya_aspera:  Congratulations, you have learned the art of diplomacy. It can be a tough one for many people. You offer very wise advice I hope OP will take it.  This is should be such a happy time for OP. I can’t imagine the stress she is feeling over all of this. Congratulations to the OP and you on your engagements.

Post # 7
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sarah_martina: what gifts are you talking about?

You have a year to figure it out and smooth things over with them. I wouldn’t worry about it now, but I’d try and please both your parents and your future in laws as best you can.  A wedding is about bringing 2 families together – each of their traditions should be reflected.

Post # 8
Member
4956 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t fully understand what is going on.

The topic ‘Parent Drama’ is closed to new replies.

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