Parent dramas- Really upset :(

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your mother’s behaviour at your 21st was disgraceful – as was that of the 8 other family members who followed her lead and helped spoil your party.

Anyway, my advice in these situations is always to invite everyone and trust them to behave for your sake. And if your mother wants to be a b*tch about it – that’s her loss, but you can’t let her threats ruin anything. But if your mother is suggesting he attends, hopefully she regrets what she did at your 21st and there won’t be a repeat.

I suggest you reassure your father that he and his relatives are invited, and they aren’t responsible if this causes a backlash. (Just like they weren’t responsible for what happened at your 21st).

Post # 4
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Thats a messy one.. I have troubles with in laws too which resulted in my husbands mother not attending, at the end of the day it is up to them weather they want to attend or not and it will be there loss if they dont go. It sounds like your dad would rather take the easy way with missing it and giving you money which doesnt sound very nice. I guess all you can do is say to all of them how much you would love everyone to attend and put differences aside for ONE DAY. This is what my mother in law could not do and I havent seen her since christmas.

there are a lot of people at weddings and if you dont want to speak to someone you can stay away from them..

Post # 5
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

nessdawwg:  don’t have much advise, but sending you some (hugs). 

Post # 6
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

nessdawwg, i really feel for you. at my wedding i had a similar situation and i know how bad it hurts. long story short my dad wouldnt come to my wedding because he didnt support it(which i can understand) but my mom ( who i am not on speaking terms with now)(and wish i wasnt back then) decided to come. i thought that it was a nice thing of her to do until right before i was to walk down the isle she started crying and said she couldnt watch and be happy when her youngest was making a mistake. i do not know why she felt the need to say this as she knows that i have never been afraid to be confrontational with her. i told her to suck it uo this is my WEDDING DAY and if she didnt like it she could leave. anyway my advice to you is this; dont invite anybody you think may start some shit on your big day bc this is YOUR wedding and even without those pple there it will still be wonderful. however your relatives are more likely to have class than mine 🙂 best of luck to you and no matter how it turns out it will still be great bc u and ur love will be getting MARRIED! SQUEEE!

Post # 7
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

nessdawwg:  My advice (And Im so sorry both of them cant act grown up with no “ME” drama and just show up and support you as individuals) is email your father with a letter explaining how important to you it is he and his side show up to your wedding and how upsetting, incomplete and heartbreaking it will be for non of them especially him to come. Dont bring up anything about your mother, The goal here is to make it bout him and his importance in your life and at the wedding. Explain his role to walk you down the ailse is not extendable to anyone else and that you can not and will not accept your day being ruined for any reason. I think it may take a while for him to accept what your saying and put his feelings aside and respond, but I bet it will creep in his ind over time and hell reread it over and over until he writes or calls back and will come despite what your mother is or is not doin. and If you have to do this for your mother and each sibling then do it, Just make sure each persons note is only about themself and their role to you. I wish you the best hun!!!

Post # 8
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Villa Celeste

I agree with PP. I think it’s important to be incredibly honest with your father. If I were you, I would tell him that the money would pale in comparison to his attendence (if that is how you feel) At the end of the day, this is not about money, it’s about a special day. I agree with PP and speak from the heart. Also have an honest conversation with your mother, and let her know you are very concerned about what will happen. As two adults coming they should be civil, and not speak to one another if that’s what it takes. And if things get out of hand if they both do end up coming, I would ask them to leave. There is no shame in having a beautiful wedding day, and if your parents cannot have the decency to give you that, it is completely their loss.

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