Post # 1
I have a friend who is 27 and newly engaged. She lives in a small 2BR apartment in a major city. She and her FI want to get married within a year and start trying for children soon after.
Her dad is not healthy and is on dialysis. He is single. He wants to move in with her and her FI permanently. She doesn’t think this is a good idea right now. She thinks this would be too stressful especially for a new marriage.
He is laying on the guilt really thick, saying that he doesn’t know how they can have a close relationship after she closed the doors of her home to him in his time of need.
What do you all think? Is she being unreasonable or is her dad being unreasonable?
Post # 3
Yikes, this is tough because they would be newlyweds and trying for a family.
I’m in the mindset that if the dad had nowhere else to go, I would take him in out of guilt. It would be a huge sacrifice, but it would be worth it if he was happy. My husband and I agree that if either of our parents ever became too sick to live on their own, and they were manageable and didn’t need 24/7 care, we would take them in.
But then again, I wonder if I would feel the same if we were in your friend’s shoes. I really don’t know!
Post # 4
Where does her dad live? It sort of sounds like he might need someone to be with him like a nurse or something. I don’t think that they would be able to do that for him with their own jobs going on.
Post # 5
He has a house about 20-30 mins outside of the city. So my friend could still see him frequently. I don’t know exactly what he needs in terms of care, besides the dialysis. He broke up with his live-in girlfriend, which is what brought this on. He has a few friends that live nearby.
Post # 6
Honestly, when it comes to ill health I think she should help him make appropriate arrangements, even if that means letting Dad stay for a little bit until an alternative comes about. Yes it wil be stressful and stuff, but if they wouldn’t you hope if you were in that same situation your parents would take you in atleast until other arrangements can be made?
Post # 7
I think she is right. It would be too stressful. He has his own place and should stay there. She can make sure she visits on the weekends. I think she should look into some type of home care for him and maybe meals on wheels or something similar. He is probably having a hard time adjusting to having to do everything himself, now that the girlfriend is not there.
Post # 8
If she takes him in when she doesn’t want to, she will most likely resent him, and that is bad for their relationship as well. We don’t know what his actual needs are and whether he can live alone. If she wants to take him in and FI is supportive, that’s great. But if she wants to be supportive in other ways, that’s fine too. Personally, I wouldn’t- her father sounds selfish and I wouldn’t make that big a sacrifice (could be 20 years for all we know) for someone that selfish.