Parental Roles and Responsibilities

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

how did you decide WHEN to TTC? DH wanted a baby before he turned 30. Around age 28 I started to feel ready as well. We timed TTC with the best time for me to be out of work on maternity leave. If I didn’t conceive when I did we would have had to take a break after another few months so I wouldn’t be out of work during our busy season. Plus I didn’t want to be hugely pregnant in the summer 🙂

how did you decide HOW MANY children to have? This was a compromise. I’ve never wanted to get pregnant or have biological children. DH felt strongly about having at least one. We have our one and any future children will be foster-to-adopt.

how did you decide who would stay home? Neither one of us will be a stay at home parent. After having her I don’t think either one of us want to be since it is so much work. If one of us were to stay home it would be him because I make more money. If finances were equal it would be me because our baby is colicy and after being home with her for 10 weeks I manage her a little better.

how did you decide who would do majority of the child rearing? We both take care of her equally. We discuss her issues, I usually do research and give him the options. Usually he agrees with my opinion.

how did you decide on the use of discipline on your children? We havent had to discipline her yet but I think it helps that we come from similar backgrounds and family lifestyles. I am sure we will handle this the same way we handle everythting else and just talk about it until we are on the same page.

how did you decide on how much your family/friends would interact with your children?

This happened organically. My parents helped a lot during maternity leave and now that I am back to work they babysit LO so we don’t have to put her in daycare. We don’t see the rest of the family any more than we did before.

How did you factor in family time into a busy lifestyle? We do it the same way we factored us time into a busy lifestyle. We make the time we have together quality time since we have so little of it. So far we haven’t brought her out much since she cries so much but we are going to try again on Tuesday. I can’t wait to take her to do fun things!

If you could pick one thing, what is the most important thing you wanted to teach your child/children? How important it is to help others. My parents are both the most selfless people I’ve ever met and it is a quality I really admire.

(if religious) how did you implement your beliefs into everyday home life? I listen to Christian music everyday in the car. We both work weekends and havent found a church in our neighborhood but we are looking forward to joining one as she gets older and being a b bigger part of the community. She may also attend private school like I did.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

how did you decide WHEN to TTC? My husband bugged me. He didn’t want to be an old father. Because he wants two we needed to start soon after getting married.  We are having a tough time so him at 33 and me at 31 almost 32 are going to a RE.

 

how did you decide HOW MANY children to have? Still up in the air. I want one,  he definitely wants two but would be happy with three. After the first the decision to have more will be more clear.

 

how did you decide who would stay home? We both plan to work. We both have fulfilling cats we don’t want to give up.  I will table maternity leave and if  needed his vacation time will supplement.

 

how did you decide who would do majority of the child rearing? This will be a team effort. I will likely have access to the children more during the weekday because my schedule is more flexible.  On weekends he will have more time to spend with them. 

 

how did you decide on the use of discipline on your children? I am against spanking he is not.  We will try methods to instill good behavior.  Spanking will be a last resort though. 

 

how did you decide on how much your family/friends would interact with your children? Holidays.  I don’t see t this changing much with kids.  We don’t live close to modt family and our schedule dumbest permit a ton of visits.  We hope my mom can provide childcare when the babies are very young,  but v we are preparing for daycare too. 

 

How did you factor in family time into a busy lifestyle?  Weekends are made for fun. 

 

If you could pick one thing, what is the most important thing you wanted to teach your child/children? Decency for humankind

 

(if religious) how did you implement your beliefs into everyday home life? not religious, but will expose or kids to Christ weekly at  church. I am starting to attend now so I can teach them too. 

 

 

 

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/parental-roles-and-responsibilities/#ixzz35MsiBqeQ

 

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  CurlyCue.
Post # 7
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh boy. I have some major typos.  Hope you can see past them 😉

kfiorita:  

Post # 9
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I really admire you guys for thinking this through so completely before you get married. Good job! I think the most important thing will be communicating and compromising as life goes on. What you might agree on now may change once you meet your children and build your family. 

 

how did you decide WHEN to TTC?

i wanted to pay off some extra debts and build savings first (despite AWFUL baby fever!) , DH was itching to get going since he didn’t want to be an old dad. So we started not trying, not preventing and put our debt/savings goals on the fast track. We were ready when we started, so we didnt jump into it before we should have, but the longer it takes the better position we are in Which is nice.

how did you decide HOW MANY children to have?

We haven’t nailed this down yet actually. I don’t think you can know until you start having them. I want three or four and DH wants two. But who knows, we may get to two and I’ll feel overwhelmed or not want to be pregnant again. We DID agree on the huge importance of siblings so we will have more than one for sure. I joke and say the first two will be planned, the third will be an “accident”.  😉

how did you decide who would stay home?

DH would love for me to be a SAHM, and so would I (or at least only work part time). But if finances don’t allow then we will work and try to limit daycare as much as possible through scheduling so we are mostly raising our children. Luckily we are in An area that has some of the lowest daycare rates so we aren’t locked into anything until we see how we stand

how did you decide who would do majority of the child rearing?

I know we will both be involved in the parenting, but I assume I’ll take on more of the daily care

how did you decide on the use of discipline on your children?

We both are okay with spanking, but will start with smaller consequences before we get to that. Always there will be a discussion so they understand the punishment. And it will be age appropriate. 

how did you decide on how much your family/friends would interact with your children?

We want to give my family more influence since they are more stable but his family is closer so we will probably end up seeing more of them. 

How did you factor in family time into a busy lifestyle?

We actually haven’t talked about this yet! I’d love to implement family dinners and weekend road/camping trips with no cell phones

If you could pick one thing, what is the most important thing you wanted to teach your child/children?

How to think for themselves, and work hard Always

(if religious) how did you implement your beliefs into everyday home life?

We will go to church weekly and do family led bible studies

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/parental-roles-and-responsibilities/#ixzz35N0wxj79

Post # 11
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We wanted to get a few things in order. I was in grad school and started a new career after our wedding, so waiting until I had a stable job was the biggest factor. 

How many kids we’ll have is up in the air. I always wanted three, and my husband was happy with two or three. I think we’ll take it by ear depending on daycare costs and how much time we feel we have.

Neither of us will stay home. We both have fulfilling careers and we couldn’t afford for me to stay home anyway.

We plan on child rearing being as close to 50-50 as possible. We view ourselves as a team, and that extends into child care. We made an agreement long before we were married that family will always come first. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  LemonJack.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  LemonJack.
Post # 13
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

how did you decide WHEN to TTC?  We compromised (sort of!) DH wanted to start trying right away after we got married (in March 2013). I wanted to wait longer (at least a year) since I didn’t feel ready.  We compromised on starting to try in fall. I went of BC to prepare and ended up getting pregnant in June 2013 instead – whoops!

how did you decide HOW MANY children to have?  We haven’t yet.  DH is stuck on having 4. I am open to up to 4 depending on the circumstances (finances, time, how well behaved they are, etc.) We will see. I have never said I want a set number of kids, I just want to play it by ear and see what happens.

how did you decide who would stay home? We both work. DH has more years and earning potential in his career. I’m just starting out my career and love my job. I didn’t want to give it up. We decided I would work 3/4 time so I get to have more time with baby but still further my career and keep my health insurance, which the whole family is on.  DH has had it rough in the job market with some lay offs in the past few years due to his industry, so it’s nice to have me working as a back up just in case.  

how did you decide who would do majority of the child rearing? We discussed who would do what hypothetically before baby came, but pretty much I naturally took over once baby was here due to maternal instinct I guess. DH is very helpful but he takes more of a back seat approach than we had originally discussed just because it’s the way it plays out. He looks to me to tell him what to do and ask for whatever help I need.  We make all big parenting decisions together, but I’m definitely the one who does more research and presents him all the options.  For instance, DD is 4 months so we are talking about what to do for starting solids.  I have been researching Baby Led Weaning.  I told him that’s what I wanted to try for X reasons. I showed him some research and we discussed it and he agreed it was a good option. We’re both going to a BLW class together to learn more before we start.  If he hadn’t of agreed, I would have left it up to him to do some research on another approach and present his findings to me so we could compromise from there.

how did you decide on the use of discipline on your children? DD is only 4 months so no need to discipline yet. But, we discussed how we were raised, what worked what didn’t. We talked about different types of discipline and what in general we would like to do/avoid. We always keep our options open and both realize you can’t plan some things in advance, you just have to see what happens at the time.  The best laid plans might not work for your kid when the time comes!

how did you decide on how much your family/friends would interact with your children?  Open communication (see the theme?!) 

How did you factor in family time into a busy lifestyle?  The first few months with a newborn are rough as far as time. Now that she’s older (and takes a bottle), we want to try to go out at least once a month without her.  DD is a great baby and very portable, so we still do lots of the things we did before baby – go out to eat, watch our favorite shows on netflix, go for long walks with the dog, etc.  We were pretty laid back homebodies before baby so it hasn’t been much of an adjustment, just a nice excuse to stay home! 😉

If you could pick one thing, what is the most important thing you wanted to teach your child/children?  To be a “good” person with integrity. 

(if religious) how did you implement your beliefs into everyday home life? I’m Jewish and DH is Catholic but neither of us practice.  We’ve decided that we will teach our children about both religions but give them the ability to choose for themself which (if any) they would like to follow.  We will be happy to put them in Hebrew school or the Catholic equivalent if they’d like, it’s up to them.

 

<br /><br />Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/parental-roles-and-responsibilities/#ixzz35Ov4rxI3

Post # 14
Member
1464 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

how did you decide WHEN to TTC?

We had a timeline that involved me being done with immigration, certified and working in the US, but still early enough to have time for treatments etc if there were issues with my PCOS. I am currently 27 weeks pregnant with a surprise though, so it kind of became irrelevant.

how did you decide HOW MANY children to have?

I want 2, DH is happy with one (especially as it is a girl, and he has ALWAYS seen himself with a little girl) but open to a second. We want to look at our finances and how we are enjoying parenting before making such a decision. Because we lived overseas for a lot of our 20s, we are in our late 20s and kind of starting over financially, so finances will play a huge part, because we want to give our child(ren) travel and extra curricular opportunities, as well as regular trips to New Zealand (my home country) and hopefully buy a house in the mid-term future, plus have me finish grad school and get good employment, and DH start and finish. Whether we can do it all financially with 2 may be the deciding factor.

how did you decide who would stay home?

Circumstances. I’m finishing a thesis, so can work from home, so it ends up being me. He has suggested that if I get a good job afterward, he might like to be a SAHD for a while. We will see what happens. 

how did you decide who would do majority of the child rearing?

It’s both of our child, so we both will.

how did you decide on the use of discipline on your children?

I disagree with spanking/smacking, so that is out (we feel if one parent is neutral one one against, against “wins”). We have both been teachers, and both see huge value in respecting the child’s autonomy and offering options and choices to the child, so hopefully that will translate to parenting 😀

how did you decide on how much your family/friends would interact with your children?

Our situation is odd because we moved in with his parents while I was going through immigration then found I was pregnant, so it seemed logical to stay put until after baby comes. Therefore a lot of interaction with his family. Mine are in NZ, so whenever we can afford to…

How did you factor in family time into a busy lifestyle?  

I’ll get back to you :p

If you could pick one thing, what is the most important thing you wanted to teach your child/children?

Be a decent human being. (ie respect others, have empathy, treat others as you wish to be treted, use what gifts you have to benefit human knowledge or society etc)

(if religious) how did you implement your beliefs into everyday home life? 

He’s ex-Mormon, I’m ex-Christian (more mainstream/evangelical). We want to teach her to respect religions, and understand why people believe what they do, and expose her to a number of religious faiths and services. We don’t want her to be a decent person purely for fear of punishment though. Whatever religion she chooses (or doesn’t choose) is up to her and we will respect that. We also believe that a lot of “purity” culture in US Christian based faiths is damaging and detrimental, and will instead be teacher her to respect herself, respect others, know that her worth is not tied to her sexual choices, and that she owns her sexuality.

 

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