- 3 years ago
My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half. Most of the time, we have a wonderful relationship. However, whenever the subject of my parents arises, we argue constantly, to the point of threatening our relationship.
My parents have shown a strong dislike towards my girlfriend, stemming back to about half a year ago. At that time, we had discussed getting married, and they expressed their disapproval and concern that the marriage was mainly for visa purposes. In addition, my girlfriend is four years older than me, which is an issue in Chinese cultures. However, my parents were also the ones to introduce us when we first met. Since then, we have postponed the marriage talk, but are still together. During this time, however, my girlfriend and parents have not communicated at all, and have often gone out of their way to avoid each other.
My parents have voiced their displeasure about the relationship to others, which we heard about through word of mouth. However, more recently, both my parents and grandparents have expressed some interest in meeting my girlfriend again and starting to bridge the gap between them. Both of us are not entirely trustful about their claims or intentions, as their actions would suggest otherwise. They recently insisted that I bring my passport home so they could keep it safe, presumably in fear of me leaving the country with my girlfriend. However, I would strongly prefer for both sides to be able to have some sort of civil relationship in the future, no matter how hollow, and am willing to make the leap of faith to extend this olive branch on the slim chance that it may be successful.
My girlfriend is entirely distrusting of my parents and furious at them due to the things they have said about her (e.g. marriage for visa purposes/money), which is understandable. They went as far as to imply that my girlfriend was unscrupulous for accepting a car from a married man, without any proof of the full situation (in return for a business transaction with my girlfriend’s mother). She would like me to elope with her, and subsequently not be in contact with my family for as long as they are angry at us. She believes that, with enough time, they will ultimately be most concerned about my happiness and be willing to mend fences. However, she is completely against the idea of going to meet with them now. She is mainly concerned that the conversation will inevitably dissolve into an argument, which may damage our relationship.
I am willing to take this risk for the sake of the slim possibility that the situation will improve. I would want the meeting to be in a neutral, public area, and we would immediately leave at the first sign of antagonization. However, my girlfriend insists that no good could come out of any meaning, and is angry at me for even suggesting the possibility. I feel that for what she is asking from me (elopement), and how difficult that would be for me, this is the least we could do.
Does anybody have any advice for us? Am I being hopelessly naive for even considering the possibility that this situation could improve? I am mainly worried that if we do not do this now, there will be no hope for any sort of relationship between my parents and girlfriend in the future if we do decide to elope.