- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I have a serious issue and I have no clue how to handle it! My wedding is turning out not to be the fun and happy time I would like to be having.
My fiance and I don’t have a lot of money for a huge wedding. This is fine with us. My parents are contributing the same amount they contributed to my sister’s wedding to my wedding. The difference is that my sister had a lot more to contribute herself, and her husband’s parents put in the same amount as my parents did.
My fiance’s parents have never had a wedding for any of their children. This is their first and they have all boys. They don’t think they should have to pay for any of the wedding, which is correct. No one has to pay if they don’t want to, I get that, and I’m happy with a small wedding. But I do think times have changed. The traditional “bride’s family pays for all” just doesn’t stand with me. I think that the person or people paying for the wedding get to be the most involved.
Because my parents are giving a fixed amount, this is the budget that my fiance and I are working with. It is a very small budget.
Here is where the bigger problem sets in. Because my parents are paying for it all, my mom still wants a nice wedding so we are having to cut most of my fiance’s parents’ guests. Now I KNOW what some people will say – that isn’t what should happen. But I get where my parents are coming from, and in a way, feel the same way. My fiance has expressed that he is really hurt by his parents and agrees with me about the guests. The cost per guest is much more than just the cost per plate and his parents have made requests of us to get actual numbers or write out a complete budget. I did this for them and then they just discount all my work and say that weddings can’t cost that much.
It’s been really frustrating.
It would be different if his parents didn’t have the money to help, but they do. And I understand if they don’t want to spend their money this way, but then I think they should understand that we can’t invite all their guests.
My fiance and I looked at a very small DIY type venue to save on costs, but they said we’d for sure need bigger for all their guests. I have no clue what to do.
I’m so hurt because I’ve put so much effort into cutting costs for the wedding, but I still want it to be a nice wedding, and it’s my parent’s money so they want the guests they are putting the money in for (which is understandable and fine with both my fiance and myself). How can I express to them that we’d like to have their guests there but the financing depends on who they are able to invite?
I know this is sort of a rambling. I’m trying to be grateful to everyone. I hope I don’t sound horrible. I’m just hurt and this wedding is more of a nightmare than a happy event because I just hate conflict.