Post # 1
I have my heart set on having my wedding and reception at my Dad and stepmother’s house. They have a beautiful (though not extravagant) property and it would be perfect for a casual outdoor wedding. It would be both cost-saving – as compared to renting a space where I would put up the tent – and it would be convenient and comfortable. My fiance loves the idea too. However my Mom is very opposed. She and my Dad divorced when I was 1 year old. She was the one who wanted the divorce – it wasn’t like he cheated on her or anything like that – they just very much did not get along.
On the one hand I feel like the divorce was not my decision, and yet I always seem to pay for it. I feel like this one time in my life it is my day, and their divorce shouldn’t be my problem. On the other hand, I don’t want to be selfish and inconsiderate. I know my Mom will be mature no matter what I decide. I guess I just need some outside opinions from disinterested parties on what seems appropriate, and/or advice from anyone who has needed to make a similar decision. When I asked my Mom what bothered her about it, she said she didn’t know, that it just rubs her the wrong way.
Post # 3
Hmmm…this is a tricky situation. I think not having been through a divorce it’s hard for me to speak to it, but I think it partially depends on the situation. If there is a ton of bad blood between them and your mom is going to feel awkward and be biting her tongue the whole time, I can see how that would interfere with her enjoying such a special day. If what happened is ancient history and it’s more she doesn’t like the idea of you ‘picking’ his place over hers, well, that will soon be forgotten. I assume no matter where it’s held they will both be attending, right? So to that extent even if there is bad blood they will have to deal with one another in some way.
Post # 4
Well, I can see where your mom is coming from, but your father has graciously offered to host a reception. And obviously you are ok with her as your stepmom since your parents have been divorced for so long.
Is your mom concerned it will just make her look bad in general to have it there? If she can’t pony up a valid reason for her discomfort besides it rubs her the wrong way, I think you should just tell her you respect that, but the obvious savings of having it there is lovely and your FI loves it, too. The divorce was a long time ago, and since she initiated it anyways, she should try to just be graceful regarding it and be above the whole thing. She’d have to be in their presence anyways and I’m sure your father and stepmother will be nothing but gracious hosts. There will be other people there, anyways.
Post # 5
Personally, I would tell your mom to get over it. The divorce happened a LONG time ago, and they’ve both moved on. I can’t stand when people divorce and can’t overcome their differences for the kids. When people have kids and then divorce, they need to realize they are connected for the rest. of. their. lives… You’re old enough now where they should all be able to play nice 🙂 Have your wedding on the property and post pictures for us to see!
Post # 6
My parents are divorced and have been for 6 years now. My Dad has remarried and my mom is engaged and living with him. We had my brother’s rehearsal dinner in my mom and fiance’s backyard. We did this because we were trying to save money and their backyard could hold a large tent and their yard is beautiful.
My Dad was a little taken back by the idea at first but then when he started to see the huge price tag on the entire wedding that they were helping to pay for he understood the need to try to host the event at home.
I think that if you show her the budget and the prices of the other venues in the area she’ll come around. If not then ask her to chip in more to cover the cost difference.
Good luck, I know it is hard being stuck in the middle.
I feel your pain!
Post # 7
Not sure that I can be much use, but I’ll be getting married on my dad’s farm. He and my mom just divorced less than a year and a half ago even if it had been coming for years (unbeknownst to everyone else.) I know it’s going to be hard for her but she’s sucking it up and going along because it’s important to me. In return I’m making sure she’ll be hosting her own table surrounded by supportive friends and family to help her out if need be. I suggest telling her she can invite a couple friends if she wasn’t already going to.
Then again, this was how many years ago? I would imagine that very few circumstances leave the situation this raw. Maybe she’s just worried about being overshadowed? Would putting her in charge of something help? (My mom’s taking on the flowers.)