My dad just CC'ed me on an email inviting another one of his thousand coworkers to my wedding - 10 days before the wedding, and without telling me. This is after this morning, when my mom asked me to mail an invite to someone they just thought of. (My parents are paying for the entire wedding so I feel like I have very little control).
Please tell me it will be over soon and that I should NOT freak out???
Do you all agree that it's pretty rude to start randomly inviting people so close to the wedding date? If you were that person, would you be offended? My parents fail to see the problem...
Wow, when is your final headcount due. Once it is due or past your parents should not be able to invite more people with out angering your venue and/or caterer.
my FMIL has become quite the PITA with invitations and she isn't paying for that much so it has caused more than a few diagreements between FI and I, and I gave in and invited the people, but I've been able to cap it off by telling them my final head count has to be in x amount of days ahead of time and that i'm cutting it off a few days early to get the numbers organized.
if you can, have a calm conversation with your parents about how you feel and maybe they will call it a day. if they don't just move on, in the great realm of things it will wind up being a minor inconvenience and you won't remember it when you look back on your wedding.
We had a similar problem within 2 weeks of our wedding. My husband's father called my dad to ask if he could add 8 more people (his co-workers) to the guest list because "our numbers were down". We already had approx. 230 people planning to attend! We invited 357 and were relieved at the RSVP response. We both have incredibly large families which explains the ridiculous invite list.
Long and short of it was that my husband called his dad and told him that we were uncomfortable with adding his co-workers b/c even though my dad had agreed to it - we were not comforable with it. He also mentioned that he wished they would have called us first before contacting my parents. My husband said that it was the hardest thing he ever had to say to his father. It all worked out in the end with no hard feelings.
Even if your parents are paying, it's your wedding. It's hard to start saying NO at this point, but it's perfectly reasonable for you to say that it's really too late to continue messing with the headcount (number of tables, number of chairs, arrangement of the room, amount of food and drink...) Fathers don't always think about these things.
Even though my parents are paying for a lot of the wedding, we told them from the start that they were welcome to invite friends THAT WE KNOW. They knew we wanted to keep it small, and I have to say that it's not that small anymore (180 on the guest list, more of whom are coming than we had thought) but at least there is nobody on the guest list that at least one of us doesn't know. Your parents are missing out on the fact that they are hosting a party FOR YOU. Not just hosting a party. It's not their opportunity to make up for every dinner invitation they've never returned, or to network. It's your wedding. I would (nicely) put your foot down.
Even though your parents are footing the bill, there is work involved in last minute invites...you might have to contact your site/caterer, rearrange the seating plan, make escort/place cards, favours, etc etc - and whether you're purchasing or DIYing these things, it takes time. You should be relaxed the week before the wedding, enjoying your last few days of the engagement. Not to mention how people will feel receiving an invite at such short notice. There's B list, and then there's this! Your parents have been inconsiderate of these things. I agree with suzanno, (nicely) put your foot down and keep it there.
i sympathize completely, since i know EXACTLY what you are going through! i do feel a bit better though, knowing that i'm not alone....now let's all make GIANT notes to ourselves to never, ever, under any circumstances do the same to our kids when THEY get married!! ;) good luck to all of you in your guest list woes...
My dad just CC'ed me on an email inviting another one of his thousand coworkers to my wedding - 10 days before the wedding, and without telling me. This is after this morning, when my mom asked me to mail an invite to someone they just thought of. (My parents are paying for the entire wedding so I feel like I have very little control).
Please tell me it will be over soon and that I should NOT freak out???
Do you all agree that it's pretty rude to start randomly inviting people so close to the wedding date? If you were that person, would you be offended? My parents fail to see the problem...
Counting down the days for this to be over...
posted by emilie01 55 posts 5 months agoWow, when is your final headcount due. Once it is due or past your parents should not be able to invite more people with out angering your venue and/or caterer.
my FMIL has become quite the PITA with invitations and she isn't paying for that much so it has caused more than a few diagreements between FI and I, and I gave in and invited the people, but I've been able to cap it off by telling them my final head count has to be in x amount of days ahead of time and that i'm cutting it off a few days early to get the numbers organized.
if you can, have a calm conversation with your parents about how you feel and maybe they will call it a day. if they don't just move on, in the great realm of things it will wind up being a minor inconvenience and you won't remember it when you look back on your wedding.
posted by 711beachbride 52 posts 5 months agoWe had a similar problem within 2 weeks of our wedding. My husband's father called my dad to ask if he could add 8 more people (his co-workers) to the guest list because "our numbers were down". We already had approx. 230 people planning to attend! We invited 357 and were relieved at the RSVP response. We both have incredibly large families which explains the ridiculous invite list.
Long and short of it was that my husband called his dad and told him that we were uncomfortable with adding his co-workers b/c even though my dad had agreed to it - we were not comforable with it. He also mentioned that he wished they would have called us first before contacting my parents. My husband said that it was the hardest thing he ever had to say to his father. It all worked out in the end with no hard feelings.
posted by megs08 64 posts 5 months agoEven if your parents are paying, it's your wedding. It's hard to start saying NO at this point, but it's perfectly reasonable for you to say that it's really too late to continue messing with the headcount (number of tables, number of chairs, arrangement of the room, amount of food and drink...) Fathers don't always think about these things.
Even though my parents are paying for a lot of the wedding, we told them from the start that they were welcome to invite friends THAT WE KNOW. They knew we wanted to keep it small, and I have to say that it's not that small anymore (180 on the guest list, more of whom are coming than we had thought) but at least there is nobody on the guest list that at least one of us doesn't know. Your parents are missing out on the fact that they are hosting a party FOR YOU. Not just hosting a party. It's not their opportunity to make up for every dinner invitation they've never returned, or to network. It's your wedding. I would (nicely) put your foot down.
posted by suzanno 1,975 posts 5 months agoEven though your parents are footing the bill, there is work involved in last minute invites...you might have to contact your site/caterer, rearrange the seating plan, make escort/place cards, favours, etc etc - and whether you're purchasing or DIYing these things, it takes time. You should be relaxed the week before the wedding, enjoying your last few days of the engagement. Not to mention how people will feel receiving an invite at such short notice. There's B list, and then there's this! Your parents have been inconsiderate of these things. I agree with suzanno, (nicely) put your foot down and keep it there.
posted by haliwood 45 posts 5 months agoi sympathize completely, since i know EXACTLY what you are going through! i do feel a bit better though, knowing that i'm not alone....now let's all make GIANT notes to ourselves to never, ever, under any circumstances do the same to our kids when THEY get married!! ;) good luck to all of you in your guest list woes...
posted by missjen 1 posts 5 months ago