(Closed) Parents are NOT excited!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m not saying there’s a timeline, or that you and your FI don’t belong together… but do you think they just don’t want their daughter to rush into a life committment? If it were my daughter, I might not want her to. I mean, have you asked what their problem is? Is this something they bring up? You only mentioned it a little at the end, so it’s not clear what their issue is…

Post # 5
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

I think they may be concerned because it could be out of character for you.  You say you’ve never been one to rush into anything so they’re probably pretty confused and concerned that suddenly you are moving pretty quickly towards marriage.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your timeline, different strokes for different folks, but I would be pretty surprised too if a slow cautious person was suddenly dating, engaged, and married within a bit over 1 year.

 

ETA: I agree with the poster below me; they probably are overwhelmed with the idea of 2 weddings in 3 months.  They probably were prepared to “lose” their son (or gain a daughter, whatever you want to think) but are blindsided by losing their daughter too all within a short amount of time.  

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@camerashy78:  Well, it looks like you need to talk to your parents about this. Maybe you guys can all get on the same page! Who knows what they’re thinking until you have an open discussion about it? Maybe it is a bit overwhelming to have two weddings in such a short span of time? Hope you guys can get it all cleared up.

Post # 7
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Are you expecting them to pay for it like your brothers?  Maybe they are worried about the extra financial burden. As well as the fact that it might be out of chracter for you.  Maybe they have both had bad experiences with something like this in the past or maybe they know something that you don’t.  Is there a large age disparity between yourself and your fiance?  Does he makes significantly less or more money than you?  Is he divorced, has a shady past or kids from previous relationships?  Do they not know him well or don’t like him?  If any of those are true they are probably just concerned or worry for you whether they should be or not.

Maybe they think your being too pushy since your mother mentioned she already had plans and you went out and did what you wanted to anyway so they know wether they are there or not its going to be done and done your way so why should they contribute sort of thing.  Maybe they just wanted to be included more in the start instead of being told when, what or where.

I think you should sit down with them and have a frank talk if thats an option so you can all clear the air and start over.  As far as your brother he seems to be a little selfish.

ETA: Agreed with PP, there is a chance two weddings two months apart is probably just a little overwhelming for them.

Also since you haven’t known him long maybe they are not taking it as seriously?  

Post # 9
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s impossible to hit a moving target.  If you cannot get them to sit down and chat, can you write them a non threatening note to let them know how you’re feeling or what your intentions are for said chat?

I mean, I don’t blame you for forging ahead, things have to get done even when the grass is long.

Would that help!?

Post # 12
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

You are right, love does not work according to a schedule, however my guess is that you getting engaged after a short span of time is shocking to them–they don’t know how to properly react because they need to process the information.  One of my closest friends got engaged after about the same amount of time, I had let her know that I would support her whatever their decision, but my concern for the two of them not really knowing each other is still high, especially since they were married before they hit a year of knowing one another.

I’d say plan a dinner get together for the four of you, so they can get to know him better and get acquainted with you two as a couple.  From there I am sure conversation will naturally turn to the engagement and wedding so you can discuss your excitement along with their concerns. 

Make sure to verbalize things like “We know this is fast, but we are in love, and this is the right decision for us.” and “We know this will be close to Brother’s wedding, does that timing cause an issue for you, why so?”  Finally, it is important to make “I” statements, so whatever you say does not sound accusitory. Ex “I would like your support in planning my wedding.” Versus “You aren’t supportive of me in planning the wedding.”  This sets you up for a healthy conversation instead of one party getting defensive.  🙂

Good luck to you and FI!

Post # 13
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Girl, 3.5 months is really fast.  I’m not saying what you should or should not do, but think about it from their perspective.  You’ve been dating this guy for a hot minute.  What *is* the rush?  Will your relationship change in a negative way if you don’t get married 2 months after your brother?

No one is going to be enthused about this.  You’re marrying a guy you barely know right after your brother’s wedding, which I am assuming is the culmination of a bit longer time spent dating and engaged.  The people who care about you think that you’ve lost your marbles and that you’re trying to upstage your brother with this half cocked whirlwind romance.  There is nothing you can do or say to change this opinion of you if you stay the course.  If you want people to be excited, slow your ass down.  Postpone your wedding for a year at least.  Give your brother and your new SIL their time and give you and your fiance time as well.  

TDLR:  You’re moving a bit too fast from your loved one’s points of view.  These people know you well and love you a lot so you should consider their opinion as you’re not some headstrong, rebellious teenager.  Your options are to deal with their lack of approval and enthusiasm or to put your wedding off for a year or more.

Post # 14
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I am sure your family is concerned about your decision to wed so quickly, especially when you say they haven’t really met him or gotten to know him well.

As far as your mom not going to those things with you it seem like it was pretty last minute and she had already made plans, if it were that important that she be included maybe next time give her more notice or ask when she would be able to do those things with you and plan things then.

 

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