Parents being difficult: international couple

posted 3 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think having your wedding in a church by the sea (dreamy!), and then celebrating at home later with a renewal ceremony/party sounds TOTALLY reasonable!

Post # 5
2 posts

I will start by saying sorry about your aunt. I really think your mother should be supportive, i don’t see anything wrong with two weddings. What is your dad saying in all that? who is paying for the wedding? If you can afford two wedding and won’t leave you financially strain by all means go for it. I hope my post wasn’t to late i just got on this site. I am myself if dealing this issue my fiance is in Jamaica and I am in Atlanta. 

Post # 6
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry.  I was in the same position (timeline pushed up due to immigration).  I was really lucky with our civil ceremony in NYC – both parents ended up attending back in March even though we are having a reception in a few weeks and they are all coming back for it.  I guess what was different is that there was some ‘neutral ground’ since DH’s parents live in New Zealand and mine live in Canada.

I think you need to be direct with your parents.  You’d been talking about getting married and love each other, so you would be doing it regardless of visa issues.  Which means that on the day you get married (in the UK), you want the church ceremony because it is important to both of you.  Tell them that you will happily have a reception back in America but your wedding will tak place in a church in the UK and you would be devastated if they missed it.

Maybe your pastor or someone from your parents’ church could say a blessing and some words of wisdom about marriage at your US celebration.  Even though you’ll be legally married there’s nothing wrong with that.

Good luck!


Post # 7
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think they’re just disappointed that you’re moving to the UK. This is probably the last thing they feel like they have control over. I know it’s hard but I would try to stay firm with them – they need to respect your choices. The more you compromise with them (and it sounds like you already have) the more power you give them. Tell them that you love them and will be having X kind of wedding, or a wedding and reception. 


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