Post # 1
I has been a tough week, and I was just wondering if there was anyone out there that could give me some advice/encouragement/positive energy/prayers whatever!!
I have been engaged since last December to the most amazing man! We began planning our wedding early, but wanted to have a long engagement, and set the date for October 2, 2010. Shortly after we got engaged, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has undergone radiation, chemo and a full lung removal since that time. They thought he was clear, but recently found more masses in his liver and kidneys. The doctors are not giving a bad prognosis, but say it will be a tough battle. Having said that, they are optimistic. I have been helping my dad in any way possible over the past year, while still maintaining my own stressful job as a social worker, and planning the wedding.
So then, this week, my mom asked me to take her to an appointment with her doctor, and she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have become a basket case. She will be starting chemo, and will need to have a full mastectomy shortley after a first round of chemo (February.March) Given that our wedding is October, 2010, I am worried about my parent’s health, and if they will feel up to the wedding. So then comes the hardest question… do we postpone the wedding? Or just go ahead with it. Both parents are saying to go ahead with it, and they will work their schedules for surgeries and chemo around that, so they will be well and be able to have a good time. They are both using the wedding as a goal, and are looking forward to all that the day will bring. But then I feel selfish… should I keep the date? Or change it to a later date? HELP!! I’m literally a basket case, and can’t figure out what to do. Fiance and In-laws are totally supportive (and even driving parents to chemo and appointments to help me! They are fabulous!) But everyone says it is my call, but that they think we should go ahead with the wedding. What would you guys suggest??
Post # 3
… I am so, so sorry. My heart absolutely breaks for you. Would they be UPSET if you cancelled the weding? Or do they just want to make sure you’re okay with it? Honestly, if it were me, I’d cancel it, have a super small, super intimate family thing and be done with it. Of course, when it comes to my parents, any threat to their health makes me absolutely crumble and I wouldn’t be able to plan anything anyway. With them being so supportive of it still going on, what do you feel is absolutely right for you? And how would they feel if you canceled it? Thoughts, prayers and lots of love coming your way!
Post # 4
I would suggest keeping the wedding date ..its obviously going to be a happy and joyous moment for you and for them to be there at that time , would be something they can treasure . They’re going to have such a tough ride ahead of them , they want something they can look forward and smile about ..you’d be taking that away if u changed the date.. I hope things do get a lot better with them both…
Post # 5
My FI’s step mom was diagnosed with metastatic cancer shortly after we got engaged. I had serious thoughts about having a smaller wedding/postponing/moving it up. In the end, we decided to just continue on with our original plan. It is giving her something to look forward to, and who really knows what the future will bring- she could outlive us all! Good luck and good thoughts to your whole family!
Post # 6
I agree that keeping the date will give them something to look forward to. Perhaps you could scale it back to something a bit more manageble if you believe that would help. My heart goes out to you.
Post # 7
I would keep it as something for them to look forward to. Since she is just starting streatment now, she may be doing well by the time your wedding comes around.
Post # 8
One possilbility might be to have a small civil ceremony sooner for just your parents, and then a larger wedding later for everyone?
Post # 9
I’m so sorry cecullaton. My dad was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and has been through surgery and radiation. Thankfully he has been cancer free since this spring. However, I also found out last week that my mom has breast cancer. She will be having surgery in early Jan and chemo after that. I have been struggling with the same thoughts you have all weekend. We only have a tentative wedding date that is in fall ’10, but I’m worried about the same thing. Honestly, I think it really would be helpful to your parents to have something to look forward to and focus their positive energy on. I think I would keep your plans as is.
Good luck to you, your fiance, and your family during this difficult time.
Post # 10
My heart goes out to you and your family during such a trying time! I am truly sorry to hear of the bad news you have been dealing with! I think you should keep your original wedding date though. It sounds like it is a goal your parents are working towards and something they are looking forward to with joy. Perhaps, during the worst of the chemo, treatments, surgeries, and recovery it will give them something to think about besides all of the medical stuff. And people with goals work harder to get and stay healthy! 🙂
Post # 11
they say that the power of positive thinking is miraculous when it comes to people fighting things like cancer, so if your wedding is something they are looking forward to, I’d say keep the date, or if anything, move it up and scale it down. Cancer is so so finacky.
My positive thoughts go out to you and your family.
Post # 12
hmmm, if I were in your shoes, I think I would actually move the wedding up. Given the seriousness of these diagnosis, it would absolutely crush me if my parents were not alive to see me get married. I’m sorry if that was harsh, but thats my honest opinion. Perhaps a small civil ceremony for just the parents at least?
Post # 13
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I pray your parents will be alright. I think, if your parents truly want you to have your wedding on the date planned, that you should go ahead with it. They want you to be happy, they want you to have the wedding you’ve dreamed of. If you postpone it, it could cause them to feel guilty, or as if they’re a burden. Obviously they aren’t burdens, but that’s how a parent may feel (I had a friend in this situation and that was her father’s reaction). If its something that you don’t think you can deal with emotionally though, then definitely postpone it. Your love will still be there when your parents are well again.
Post # 14
My thoughts and prayers are with you! I think you should talk again with your parents and follow your heart- maybe a wedding would give them something to look forward to in their battles?
Post # 15
I am so sorry to hear about your parents, my thoughts are with you and your family! I agree with most other posters and think you should continue moving forward with planning your wedding at its original date. You have already talked to your parents and they both expressed they want you to keep the date and that it would give them a goal to look forward to.
Post # 16
i say keep the date. give your parents something to look forward too.