(Closed) Parents choosing my childs brithday for me?!?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh, I am an evil person for even suggesting this….but could you just tell them you are at least considering the 23rd (you are…you may have ruled it out, but you are thinking about it), but when the time comes, maybe (omg I can’t believe I’m advising this, but my parents sometimes act this way too) have an appointment with your ob/gyn a few days before the 17th…and tell your parents the doctor recommends for health reasons that you do the c-section sooner rather than later (purely for mental health reasons – YOURS!).

OK, seriously, I can’t recommend this, but I do agree with the other posters that this is your decision and your husband’s — not your parents.  You are the parents of this child and if you and your husband feel that you want your baby to not share a birthday with a family member, then they are way out of line for making you feel bad about your decision.

 

Post # 4
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

stand your ground. it’s your body and your baby. tell your parents that you want march 23 to be a day just about your grandfather

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Honestly I can’t imagine your grandfather being upset over this….or being “so much happier” if you’d chosen to have your baby on his birthday as well. I’m sure he just wants you to be happy. You are choosing your child’s birthday, that’s your perogative as a parent, and you need to tell your parents to lay off the guilt trip, that their opinions don’t matter in this anymore. They don’t–it’s your and your husband’s decision. Choosing to NOT have your child on his birthday is not disrespectful in the least. I can’t even fathom how your parents rationalized this.

Post # 6
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Gosh no, do not cave in.  I agree with all the reasons you posted; in fact as I was reading your post, I thought that “No, they should get their own day!” If your grandfather were to pass, people often mourn the birthdays as well and that would taint the happiness, I feel.

I think I would create boundaries surrounding your birth; if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it.  And if you do say anything about it not being the 23rd, you’ll be asked to leave.  Just create boundaries that you are comforable with and then enforce them.

You are the parents- YOU decide.

Post # 8
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Let me just start out by saying that I think you should stand your ground.

I share my dad’s birthday, so I definitely think it would be special if your daughter and her great-grandpa had the same birthday.  It is so special sharing that day with my dad.  That being said, your grandpa is very ill and may not be around for many of your daughter’s birthdays.  Having her on that day may make her birthday be more about your grandpa’s passing than about your daughter’s birth.

My suggestion:  Tell your parents that that day is very special to your grandpa, and you want that to be his birthday for forever.  You may also mention to your parents that this issue is a pretty pathetic thing to be arguing about while your grandfather is sick.  Remind them that in the–potentially–last months of your grandfather’s life, that you do not want him to remember you and your parents fighting, especially about something that is, on the whole, pretty silly (I’m not meaning to belittle your situation, just hoping that your parents can see how childish they’re being).  Most parents don’t get to choose the birthdays of their children.  Heck, it could happen that you go into labor well before the 17th even and have to have a c-section earlier–it’s what happened when I was born.  Please suggest to your parents that you use this time to be thankful for the new life that’s due in March and to celebrate the life of your grandfather!  Good luck!

As a side note and purely out of curiosity… what are the holidays that the other three of you were born on?

Post # 9
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Going to go with the stick to your gut and say it’s health reasons thing. I wouldn’t want my baby to be born on the same day as an ailing grandparent because I imagine it will be bittersweet for everyone who knew/knows/will know both.

Also – I think it’s cute to have your baby follow YOUR family tradition of Holiday bdays. Now you are your own little family unit and your parents should respect that. I can see my parents trying this too if they ever had the chance – and what I’ve learned is they will get over it, whereas you might have built-up anger with it for a LONG time. I vote March 17th!! It’s adorable anyways.

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I really want to agree with you, but I can understand your parents side as well.

Post # 11
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I completely disagree with your family.  Stand your ground! It is your body, your baby.

Post # 12
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I was born (by nature, not choice) on both my grandmother and great grandmother’s birthdays. I don’t think that it really bonded me to them, or them to me, any more than our relationship bonds us anyways ya know? I mean sure it was always a fun factoid but really— it doesn’t matter. stand your ground. 

Post # 13
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Go with the 23rd…it’s my bday as well hahahaha

 

Honestly I would stick with the 17th.  After my grandfather passed away his birthday became a very somber day for me and my family. I am sure if I had a child on the same day my family would be overjoyed with the new baby but that feeling of my grandfather not being there on his birthday would always be there. Flat out tell them that you are happy with the choice you have made and you will not be discussing it any further.  

Post # 14
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Go with what is healthiest for your child. It may even be a non issue, as she/he might not be ready yet by the 17th or labor might start on its own another day. Just tell your parents, when it happens it happens!

Post # 16
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

MissFlipFlops- I would totally stand my ground if I was you. I like your tradition of holiday birthdays. I agree that you may go into labor before that day, but just saying. I agree that you should tell your parents that your doctor, said that for health reasons you should give birth before then. I also agree that it will be a bittersweet day if you do have her on your grandfathers birthday, because people will be thinking that if your grandfather was still alive he would be whatever age, and then probably get sad. You don’t want your daughter to get stuck with that. Go with what you want, because if you go with what your parents want, you will be making them happy, not yourself, and do you really want to be unhappy with your choice every year when your daughters birthday comes, and people are mourning your grandfather instead? I certainly wouldn’t. Your parents will get over it, and no one can say that your grandfather would be happier if you had her on his birthday besides him. Your parants can not speak for him, only he can speak for himself. He actually might be more mad at his child for making his favorite granddaughter feel guitly, haha. Take care, and I hope your grandfather fights through this.

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