- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Honestly? I didn't have any of that. I feel kind of ashamed to admit it, but I didn't have any kind of "overwhelmed with love" or "I felt like I knew him" or other really emotional response. Makes me feel kind of defective at times- I promise I still do like my kid, though!
I think my first words after he was born were "Oh my god, oh my god, why does it still hurt??" as they pulled him out, put him on my chest, and started pushing on my abdomen to get the placenta out. I imagine part of that was fatigue after a long labor and not having slept in a few days, but in general our bonding has been more of a slow process rather than something instantaneous. I guess maybe my best word for the entire thing would be "surreal"- it was just crazy to think that the pregnancy was actually over, that the baby was actually out, that we would actually be taking him home, etc.
Granted, I remember Moose being born, but it was obviously nothing like this. It felt like a piece of me was dead and a hole in my heart was born.
Now, I'm hoping that Wombat's birth will not fill in that hole or make me forget about Moose, yet make this storm cloud of sadness constantly over my heart a little smaller and maybe have a rainbow.
Me either. I was so relieved to finally be done with labor and not be pregant, and I asked onequestion: Why is she so quiet? Because she was not crying for awhile, although she was fine. They finally put her on my chest and I was like WTF do I do now? I was just so confused, partly because I think I WAS expecting that huge rush of "OMG so this is the meaning of life and the universe and love" and it just didn't come. She just stuck her foot in my face so I kissed it and thought, "Here we go."
From my blog:
I really can’t describe the feeling I had when she came out. It was actually like a full bag of emotions was dumped all over me, and I didn’t know exactly which emotion to feel because they were all just dripping out of me and around me. I was so happy and relieved she was okay, I was so scared to be a mom, I was shocked that I delivered a baby, I wanted to put her back inside of me because I felt terrible that we had taken her from her home, I wanted to kiss and snuggle her until she was nice and warm and cozy in my arms.
oh man, I gotta stop reading these stories at work! sweet birth stories + pregnancy hormones = crying at my desk
lol
There aren't really words to describe it the wholeness of that moment. My husband was at my shoulder and he was crying in amazement and relief that my 3 hours of pushing were over and there was no more worry about how long it was taking about our son's heartrate. They put him right on my chest and he moved his head back as if to look at me. I was so overwhelmed and stunned. I was relieved that the pushing (all 3 hours!) was finally over. I was amazed at the fact that there was a baby, my baby, on my chest. I felt more love for my husband in that moment than I'll ever be able to express. I was exhausted and so exhilarated at the same time. I didn't want anyone to touch him and felt extremely protective of him. I had a similar feeling as when we got the postive test, like "what do we do now" and "omg, this is BIG".
I was in excruciating pain afterward to deliver the placenta and get stitched up. I was so angry that they still had to do more, and i was so exhausted and in too much pain to hold onto my son while I was getting stitched. I had about 10 or 15 minutes with him on my chest when they just left me alone, but it was like my heart was breaking when I had to ask them to take him off my chest because I was afraid he'd fall off me. They put him in the warmer and my stepmom watched over him while my husband helped me breath through the process of getting stitched up.
I remember very little. 23 hours of labor, three hours of intense pushing and then an emergency c-section. I was like a zombie by the time she came out. She was this blue blur covered i blood that was whisked away before I got to hold her.
Ten minutes later after they got her breathing and weighed and cleaned her up, she was placed in my arms. 7 years later, it still feels that magical everytime I look at her.
I remember when she was born I heard her wailing immediately, very strong and LOUD! My husband burst into tears and was saying "Oh my god LOOK at her..." and was just blubbering like I've never seen. I was very calm, didn't cry. I wasn't emotional. They put her in my arms and she looked up at me and I said "Hi baby... I'm your mom." It took me a few days to kind of catch up with my new identity, but the love was very primal and instinctive. I could pick out her cry above all the other babies before I got to the nursery. She was in the nursery once and they said "Let the nurses take her so you can get some sleep" but she stayed right in my arms practically the whole hospital stay.
@Lozza:, @ohheavenlyday: I am actually really relieved to hear this. DH and I are still working on the pregnancy part, but I'm secretly terrified that I'll have trouble bonding. I don't have any reason to think so, and I've not told anybody, but I just wonder, "What if I just don't feel it right away?"
I cried...I think it was from relief though when I heard him cry. I was overwhelmed because they were trying to tell me what to do to help him slow down his breathing.
@Quietserenity: I think the bonding can come later. We only got to hold our baby for about 15 minutes before he was taken to the NICU. I don't think we bonded at delievery as much as over the next few days as we got to know him.
I think it's very important that we share ALL our stories because it's so true that not every parent immediately bonds with their baby. My sister told me, when she had my nephew, that she was relieved when they took him away to the nursery for the night. She didn't really bond with him until much later, like after a year old. But I think it's just as normal to be confused/scared/anxious/overwhelmed/etc... as it is to be head over heels in love.
Honestly, I think the whole "bonding" thing is overrated. Yes, i was very emotional as soon as I gave birth, but those two days in the hospital are awful. You have ice packs on your crotch, I could barely get in the shower I was so weak I had to sit down for most of it, I was zonked on percocets, breastfeeding KILLS...who can concentrate on bonding? And then when you go home it's so overwhelming. I love her and I love every minute of being her mom, and we sort of bonded over her showing me what to do as far as caring for her (babies will let you know!) but I don't think it was bonding how other people see it.
Now that she is three months old, I feel like we are starting to settle into some kind of relationship that isn't just GIVE GIVE GIVE on my part, but it takes a while. Bonding and loving your child are NOT the same thing.
@flamingred: That's interesting. I think I understand what you mean, but in my head I think of it as the difference between rational and biological love. Biologically, I loved Addie from the very first second she was born. It was instant.
Rationally, I bond with her and fall more in love wth her every day. As babies become more interactive and start to show their individuality and personality, it becomes easier to love them for reasons other than "that's my child." Now, I can say, I love her because she's smart and funny and cute and kind and sweet. Before, I loved her because she was my child, period. Two different experiences, and I totally agree with you that they happen at different points in the relationship.
I also think it's different for everyone, though, and some people might feel one stronger than the other.
@flamingred: I tend to agree. There are so many people who act like if you have a c-section you some how aren't going to bond with your baby - but our situation was similar (that we didn't get a lot of time with our baby right after birth).
I think that most mothers automatically love their babies when their born but mostly the whole experience is so overwhelming that they may not realize it/recognize the feeling till the dust settles a bit. I think bonding tends to happen over a period of time.
@Quietserenity: I totally agree with camrie and flamingred. I'm not a mother yet, but I was adopted when I was a baby, and my mom was terrified we'd never have that connection that biological mothers are "supposed" to have with their kids. She said for the first few days after they took me home, I looked at her like she was an alien. But one day, it just kind of happened that I looked at her like I knew her, and she felt like I was truly her daughter. So don't worry if you don't end up feeling it right away!
I really don't think I felt "bonded" to her until she was 4 months old and we went on a cruise and left her with family and I realized I was actually excited to get back to her. Until that point, I was very much in "Take care of her, make sure she's happy" mode and I was a good mom to her and enjoyed her (somewhat) but I don't think I felt that emotional pull until I was actually separated from her the first time.
I have no idea how helpful I am in this conversation at all though, because I look back on her infancy with something like PTSD practically. It was NOT an enjoyable time for me, and I do not have fond memories of it. It was a lot of work, a lot of change, and a lot of confusion. We chose for FH to get a vasectomy when she was 8 weeks old and every once in awhile I "test" myself to see if I regret it- and I never do. You couldn't pay me to relive a child's infancy again for all the money in the world.
For me, it got much better at 8 or so months old, and at almost 2 now, she's a blast and I love her more than anything. But infancy almost did my ass in.
My epidural failed and I started feeling them cut me (and not just the normal pressure feeling) during my c-section, so they sedated me. They actually overdid it because I stopped breathing for a little bit and the oversedation caused my lil man to come out not breathing so well. So, by the time I finally woke up again I was back in my room, lil man was in the NICU, and I wasn't able to go see him. I didn't get to see him until the next day, it's been two months, but I still well up when I think about it too much because it's not at all what I excpected and I felt so robbed of that first meeting with him...I felt/still feel robbed of having that moment when my baby was born. :(
I finally got to go see him the next afternoon and my heart was so full of love and admiration.
I think my face kind of says it all for my initial feelings/thoughts: kind of dazed and confused that it was over already and trying to figure out what to do next. I kind of just watched everyone around me. He was placed on my chest immediately after birth and was toweled off before being weighed and measured. I didn't even remember to look at my husband to share the moment unfortunately.
Bonding definitely came afterward since he was given right back to me. I couldn't speak very well when I was calling family to let them know since by then all the emotions hit me and I was totally overwhelmed.
I definitely felt what Mrs.Spring is talking about referring to "biological love." When Kayla first came out, I got to hold her for a few seconds on my chest but then they had to bring her to make sure she didn't aspirate any meconium. From about 5 minutes before she was born, I was starting to get very concerned about her (and myself after I saw myself tear in the mirror) because the midwife kept telling me her heartrate was dropping during pushing and wasn't rebounding all that great and we may have to call the OB to use the vacuum.
All I remember when she came out was this unbelievably overwhelming feeling of love and fear/anxiety...which still continues in me today 5 months later. And then jealously that everyone else got to see her and love her while I was being stitched up. Than I heard my sister cry (literally) "It's a girl!!" and then they asked if I wanted to be the first to hold her and I was still being stiched up so I said Justin (her daddy) should hold her. I think the one thing I will never ever forget is my husband sobbing with our daughter in his arms. I don't think I've ever seen him cry before, and I had never loved him more than that second. Sometimes when he frustrates me now that she is 5 months old I have to remember that moment and how much he loves her and me.
Everyone's experience is totally different, but I can with 100% certainty say mine was feeling overwhelming love and anxiety at the exact same moment...like what would I do to keep this little one safe? The answer is anything in my power, but that doesn't stop the anxious feelings! :)
P.S. People put some photos up!!! I love little teeny newborn photos and I love seeing all my bee friends!!!
FI and I both cried. It was the most amazing experience ever. We both can honestly say we bonded with DS straight away, there was no foreign feeling at all- it was like he specifically was meant for us. The first night after he was born I didn't sleep the whole night, I just started at him and felt so lucky he was ours. I BF DS from day one, and he BF like a trooper, it was so effortless and a really special time. He was and still is such a good and well behaved baby, everything just fell into place so easily.
Now, at 9mo, he has the funniest personality. I don't understand how we went without him for so long! Here is our little man at 5 hours old <3 I have no pics of us after he was born as my labout was only 2hr21mins, so no chance for photos... and I had to be rushed to theatre due to placenta issues and to get stitched up 'down there'...
@linguo42: I love that you said this, since we are going the adoption route now!
For me, our birth was so peaceful... just one test push and then two real pushes and she was out! She gave one squawk and then just looked around the room trying to sort out what just happened (so typical of her personality even now!)
I was sure that I was going to be one of the bond later type people. It just takes me a ton of time to process emotions. But everything was laid so bare during labor and delivery and the actual delivery was so right that I was just flooded the moment they put her on my chest. I remember the OB saying "She has dark hair just like you" and I just dissolved. She was so tiny and so much more perfect than all of my imaginings that my heart was just exploding with love. I became fiercely protective and unconditionally loving at that same instant.
I would imagine that this is how the diety of one's choice would feel about us, because it was like a deeply religious experience.
We had been joking around earlier about what hair color she would have since there was a good case for blond, red or brown. So once they saw her they said oh looks like she has brown hair, which made me realize this is really real and I almost started to cry. But then someone said push and I snapped back into panic mode of baby needs out. Once she was born everything just felt really surreal that i didnt cry, after 9 months of pregnancy and a long labor, she was finally here? I still didn't really believe it. When I saw her my first thought honestly was awww, she's so cute but not at all what I expected her to look like. As soon as I talked she stopped crying to search out my voice. She did the same thing with my husband when she was taken over to be cleaned up. It was a really incredible but at the same time it almost felt like moving through a dream so I wasnt hit with the full impact.
I'm struggling to get pregnant now after a miscarriage and t I pray I will be soon. However, I wanted to read these stories as they give me hope and remind me that it will be worth the wait. Each one of of your stories is so different and so real and so touching. Thanks, @Mrs.Spring for starting this thread. I love it. Congratulations to each of you!
I was thinking about this the other day. On one hand, there are some thing you will never forget--I love hearing mothers mention parts of birth stories 30 years later. But on the other, I've already forgotten some things 5 months later. My tip? Write it all down as soon as you can. I didn't cry, teared up but no crying. I don't think Hubby did either. I'll have to ask him. Here are excerpts from my blog:
"I was pushing so hard and had my eyes closed that someone had to say, 'Mama, open your eyes. Here's your baby.' And someone was kind enough to say that it was a girl."
"A few random things. It was amazing to have this little person out of me. While everyone over the last few weeks has commented on how small she is, I would just look at her and think that I couldn't believe that entire human was just inside me. That I had been carrying her around. When I feel her little heels and elbows I am reminded of how they felt when jabbing me from the inside. They feel so familiar. When they placed her on me, she cried pretty quickly. Then she gave me the sad lower lip. I immediately knew that that lip would break my heart for the rest of my life. She really did have a lot of hair and it wasn't at all red. I was a little surprised about that. Also surprised that of the 4 names we had narrowed it down to, the one that was my favorite going in just immediately felt wrong. So we were down to 3. We felt like we needed to see her cleaned up before deciding, though."
Yeah, I remember feeling her elbows and heels for the first time outside of me. Crazy surreal. I felt more connected to her than I was expecting but really love her more everyday. It took longer for Hubby to bond. He's more excited now that she interacts more. I'm already looking forward to baby #2. :)
I'm loving everyone's stories. :) It's really neat to read what a wide range of emotions we all felt the first moment we saw our babies. Everything from confusion to fear to bewilderment to love to jealousy. Very interesting.
@1littlep: Good luck! I hope you'll be able to add your story here soon. :)
I felt relieved after a long labor and intense pushing for hours. I regret not having eye contact with my little one as she was born. When she was put on me, it was more sensory than emotional. I felt her heavy head, warm wriggly body and bony elbows and heels poking into me. I didn't even look at DH because I was wide eyed in awe looking at baby they just placed on my belly. I had thought they would place her in my arms, like in the movies. I didn't know to grab her or if it was ok to do so. Seconds later, the nurse took Emi across the room because of some fluid and then, I had the delayed reaction of THAT'S SO AMAZING which I said aloud to nobody since the doctors were busy delivering placenta and/or stitching me up and DH was apart from me, with Emi videoing and taking her first photos. The silence felt a bit lonely and then I worried if everything is ok...IS SHE OK? DH called out reassuring me that she was fine. Then I finally relaxed and was so happy, calling my mom in.... and grateful, expressing thanks to our nurse, Faith, who had helped me through the past hours of pushing.
@Mrs. DG: I am just lurking in this thread but I love what you said about birth/parenthood being a religious experience. As an agnostic, I'm not sure if humans created God to mirror what they feel when they create their children, or if God created the parenthood experience to mirror how he feels about us. Either way, I think you hit on why parenthood is such a powerful thing!
I think some of this I already have said, but here goes... ;)
I had a fairly painful delivery, since it aggravated an old back injury, long tear, BIG baby...no drugs. It was such a sense of relief when he came out. He immediately started looking around then peed on the doctor!
They did a little wiping off but he wasn't totally wiped down when they handed him to me. I said "I love you already" and hubs and I were tearing up looking at each other. It was such a rush! I immediately nursed him, and he latched better than I expected.
I hope this isn't an inappropriate comparison, but it is the only thing I can think of that is similarly intense...it was way more of a rush than an orgasm with your DH, just the feeling of love...was amazing! In some ways I think that I'm the opposite of other moms, as my bond was VERY strong right away but then when CoWBoy was 3 months I got PPD. So, just be kind to yourselves mamas, that it doesn't have to be all sunshine and rainbows...it takes some rain (tears), too!
Did I mention it was over 100 that day. That is my doula's tank top, lol, bc the gown was too hot! DH took his shirt off to warm up CoWBoy and get in some good skin-to-skin time. <3
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 37 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 35 |
| Mrs.KMM | 27 |
| ndreighton | 26 |
| beargoose | 25 |
| Gemstone | 24 |
| Beckster329 | 23 |
| BetterSherm | 20 |
| Rivendeler | 20 |
| KCKnd2 | 19 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| roxy821 | 2 |
| hergreenapples | 1 |
| Gabrielle123 | 1 |
| BayStateBride | 1 |
| totheislnds | 1 |
| shimmerofheaven | 1 |
| Mrs Sarah McK | 1 |
| rachiecakes | 1 |
| Running Elley | 1 |
| MrsCarnival | 1 |
Some friends of mine just had their baby on Tuesday, and today was the first time I've talked to either of them since Sunday. I was talking to the Dad (Mom and baby were sleeping) and he was absolutely glowing, talking about their little miracle baby. He was telling me their birth story, and when he got to the point when their baby girl was finally born, his eyes welled up and he just said, "There aren't even words to describe it." :)
So now, I'm sitting here, sentimentally remembering that moment Addie was born and trying to verbalize what made that moment so amazing. I remember when Addie was finally born, they immediately took her over to the warming table, because they were concerned she might have meconium aspiration. She wasn't crying, and all the nurses/doctor were busily working, when I asked "What is the baby?" The doctor said, "Oh you didn't find out?" And then repeated the question to one of the nurses, who said, "It's a girl." I turned to my husband and said, "We have a daughter." and both of us immediately started crying. At that moment, Addie finally cried for the first time, and they laid her on my chest.
I remember thinking that I didn't know what love was really like until I had her. It was an immediate endorphine rush (we were both laughing through our tears) and I felt fiercely protective of her. If felt strange that other people could hold her because, in my mind, Addie was an extension of me. She felt like an appendage that should still be attached to me, and even though I was insanely happy, I was a little sad at the same time to know that I had to "let go" of her this soon. I was a little jealous that other people might be able to hold her, even for a second, and feel her tiny hands or see her tiny little mouth open and close; I wanted to be the only person who would ever know her, if that makes sense. And then, she opened her eyes for the first time, and I was absolutely entranced. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, and for the rest of the night, I just held her as close as I could and rocked her and talked to her. It was, like my friend said, indescribable. :)
Share your stories, bees! What was it like that first moment you held your little one? I know it was something no parent could ever forget, so let's give those ladies in the endless trenches of pregnancy something to look forward to!