Post # 1
My fiance’ (Brandon) had just proposed to me as of yesturday. It’ll be our two year anniversary on December 4th! Due to an earlier situation that had happened between me and him (sorry no details!) when it had came time for me to talk to my parents in need of their support and encouragement, I had received none! They called themselves trying to help as i was bombarded with questions and guilt trips, which obviously didnt help. So when it came time for me to tell them about this, I had automatically referred back to their previous reactions on the other situation and had then decided I would wait to tell them of the news. To make matters worse, out of impulse and excitement we changed our facebook relationship status to engaged and was blown up by friends, close ones, and even some family members with congrats and best wishes! Not even a day went by and word had went straight back to my parents! They told me that they felt hurt because he didnt properly come to them for permission, even though i know they would have said no! Its great because we’re getting total support from his whole side of the family, my friends as well; his parents are stoked!But i dont have any encouragement from my side at all other than my grandmother. Yeah i know it was a big mistake for us to publically announce the news like that without consulting them first but i honestly felt that they would not have been there for me. I still dont know what to do as i spend my last year with them… im not sure anymore if i can turn to them…
Any advice or encouraging words will definately help!!!!!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club
Wow, eerily similiar to us. My FI is named Brandon and our anniversary is also December 4th (although it’ll be our 3rd anniversary).
Anyways, I think that even if he didn’t ask your parents for permission, maybe you should have told them before telling the whole world on facebook. I can see where they’d be hurt and upset by that. My FI had always said that he’d ask my dad for permission out of respect for my father, and even if he said no he’d still ask me to marry him. I guess the only thing you guys can do is just apologize to your family and hope they accept.
Post # 4
@missmorganista: Yeah i believe your absolutely right! I guess it was out of excitment and impulse that we didnt think twice as to what the outcome could be without talking to them first but telling everybody else. Thank you for taking the time to give advice. every single drop helps!
Post # 5
Yeah posting on Facebook was a bad move, no two ways around that. My sister was hurt to find out about our cousin’s engagement via Facebook and gave her a hard time – I simply can’t imagine letting your *parents* find out that way. (This is why we waited a month to post on facebook, so important people would find out directly from us and not from a website. This is also why I think Facebook has taken over too many people’s lives…)
Before you get hurt about them not expressing enough excitement, try to mitigate the damage from how they found out. (Put yourselves in their shoes, someone calls them up to gush and they have to say “Whaaaat?” They probably didn’t like feeling ridiculous and on the spot, in addition to super hurt that you didn’t want to tell them directly yourselves, for lack of trust in their response.) It’d be bad enough if they just didn’t find out right away. This isn’t a “do over” situation either that you can really make up.
So apologize to them. Sincerely. More than once. And accept that they are hurt, give them time to be happy.