- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
While I was pregnant, yes my FI and I did things a little out of order…, I had a cancer scare. Once our little bundle of joy had arrived, I was able to have the proper tests done and found out that it was just that, a scare. My mother insisted on a little “celebratory” brunch afterwards, just the 2 of us, and proceed to tell me she’s leaving my dad. I was shocked to say the least. My parents had been married for over 30 years and never gave off the notion that there were any issues. She further told me that my dad had no idea and that it was just her who had never really been in love. I was heartbroken, on many levels. 1: that my father had no idea what was coming (knowing how much he truly was in love with my mother) & 2: the thought of my mother saying she had never really experinced true love.
She asked my thoughts and feelings and I told her I was a little shocked and needed a moment to process this news….I took a deep breathe and told her that I want both of my parents to be happy and that this is something I think she needs to really think about, maybe speak with a professional as I didn’t want her to jump into anything without really thinking it through. She also asked if I minded her doing it before my wedding as she had already held off due to my cancer scare. I was slighly offended that she would put that on me, but told her I was going to be completely honest, no matter how immauture and selfish it may be. I told her that I had appreciated her waiting, if she could please consider waiting till after my wedding, though it was a year and half away because I knew how ugly this was truly going to be. She understood and agreed. I felt guilty for asking this of her, but part of me wanted her to give it some more time and see if her feelings would change and the other selfish part of me wanted 1 more good memory of our family being all together and happy.
As time has gone by my mom has repeatedly told me that she is for sure going to move forward with leaving my dad (which he still has no idea about), that she is going to be relying on me to keep our family together, knowing my brothers will more than likey be upset with her, and that I should be prepared for my dad to not really be involved in my life as he favors the boys over me. My dad and I have never had a super close relationship, but hearing those words felt like daggers going into my heart. I know my mom is going through a rough time in her life, but I felt like comments like those were uncalled for, let alone the pressure she is putting on me while I am trying to start a new life of my own with my future husband and son.
Now with 55 days till the wedding my mom has told me shes excited for the wedding, but is looking forward to finally being able to tell my dad – right after the wedding (my guess within a weeks time, if not less). She has expressed that she is only waiting for me and has put her happiness on hold for my wedding. While I appreciate her sacrifice, I wish she wouldn’t make hurtful comments like that.
She as been a great support with the wedding planning and helping me make everything come together and is a wonderful mom – always been there for me, but I can’t help but slightly be saddened (as well as excited) for my wedding to come knowing what is coming next. I really want to be there for both my mother and father as well as my brothers when this all goes down, knowing its not going to be pretty, but I am conflicted with being apart of drama of the divorce and starting off my exciting new life as husband and wife. I want to be able to relish in the joy of being a newlywed and not bring the drama into our new lives, but also want to be able to be there for my family. My FI knows everything thats going on and is very understanding and supportive of me, but also fears the impact it is going to have on us (as do I). I guess Im not sure what I should do….?