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My parents divorced while I was in college and my mom basically had the exact same reasons. I think that having children together can make a lot of your issues as a couple seem less important but after they move out of the house these issues become more prominent. Its easy not to notice he never wants to leave the house when you're chaperoning kids to all kinds of practices/events. I was very upset at the time (you take it for granted that after 20+ years divorce is never going to happen), but I can tell that a few years later that my mom made the right decision.
I'm so sorry.
I can't say that I have had the same experience as you, but I was with a dear, dear friend when it happened to him. I can tell you that what you're feeling is totally valid and that many psychologists feel that it's even harder on adult children than kids to hear their parents are getting a divorce.
You DO still have a family; it's just changing. And you always did have a family and parents who love you very much.
I strongly recommend that you seek professional counseling because this is a difficult thing to experience and work through.
I'm sure there is way, way, way more to the story that she may not be ready to discuss with you. She may also be holding back as a way to not badmouth or say anything bad about your father, which is admirable. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, and it was the best thing that's happened to my mom in a long time. She had a personal revolution, and is so happy now. It may, in time, prove to be very good for your parents, as well (though mine did have to go through a couple years of hell to come out to the good stuff).
My parents divorced when I was 7, so unfortunately I can't share the exact experience. But I'm so sorry, it's awful no matter what age you are. It changes the way you see your parents.
The only advice I have is to try to keep an open mind about it. If you respect each of them as individuals (and I think that after knowning them your whole life, you should have a pretty good basis for evaluating this) then try to reserve judgment about the divorce, whose fault it is, etc. There's so much that kids (even adult kids) don't know about their parents' marriage. One or both of them may be making a mistake, or behaving recklessly. But it's also possible that the love has gone out of it for reasons you can't know, or that they've been trying hard for the last 10 of those 26 years and just can't do it anymore.
One final thing to remember, and it might not even apply to you, but I thought I'd mention it just in case: it's not your job to be your parents' marriage counselor, therapist, cheerleader, or person-to-vent-to. They may be angry or hurt by each other, but they should not be trying to make you take sides. Nor should they expect you to go on your merry way unfazed by this news. In other words, your mom may be feeling newly free and independent, but she shouldn't expect you to be celebrating with her.
Edit: I should add, though, that it can be a hard line for parents to walk between giving their children enough information that they can understand the reasons behind the divorce, on the one hand, and badmouthing the other parent on the other.
I just found out that my parents might be divorcing last night. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of our lives, and I'm finding it really hard to be happy about much of anything right now.
I know exactly what you mean about putting so much faith in their relationship. I was trying to incorporate a bunch of details from their wedding into ours, because I always wanted my marriage to look a lot like theirs since they (appeared, at least) to be so happy together.
I'm really, really sorry that you're going through this. If I could, I would share a box of tissues with you. :( *cyber hugs*
I am so sorry you're going through this.
My dad called me in April of this year to tell me that he and my mom were getting divorced (they ended up working it out -- thank god -- so didn't end up getting a divorce). However, I was hysterical. I mean, I was crying so hard I couldn't even breathe. Even FH started crying. FH's friends were kind of freaking out, wondering what the hell was going on. I couldn't speak or do anything but sit on the floor and cry. I had thoughts of two separate Christmases, two Thanksgivings, awkwardness at my wedding, etc. Thinking about it now makes me want to cry.
So I totally know how you feel right now and I have no idea how I would have been able to handle them actually going through with it. I hope that over time, you will be able to come to terms with it and maybe it will end up being the best thing for both of them.
Again, I'm so sorry. :(
My parents divorced nearly two years ago, and like others on this thread I believe it was the best thing for my mom. My dad was unhappy and he took off, it wasn't easy to deal with that, but it gets better. For you, and for them. And you DO still have a family, that will never change. Yes, the makeup of it has changed in a way you didn't expect it to, but, families don't stay the same in any case.
I know I don't know everything going on, and for sure it's not my job to referee/counsel/etc. And I know I still have a family, mostly. I'm just feeling really lost- those visions of seperate holidays and what do I do with big events JenniMichele was mentioning, it's just spot on. Especially since I just saw them, and I never actually saw them... unhappy. It seems like there was zero prep time, and I don't even know how to (if we even do) function as a unit anymore. I guess that's what I mean about no family. It's always been the three of us, and I had a terrific childhood. I feel like I'm on candid camera.
It's good to hear others have had similar experiences and come out the other side. I know it will take time, it's just pretty gut wrenching right now. Thanks for the kind words, though, everyone. :)
I'm so sorry. I know exactly what you are going through. This is not good news, especially during one of the happiest time in your life! Do you have any support from siblings or other family members? My parents divorced last year and it was tougher than I thought it was going to be, even though I knew this was a good step for both of them. But honestly, nothing has changed between them, they are still best friends, get along great, still live with eachother (weird, I know) but they don't have that strain on their relationship (they had many financial problems and relationship issues). They are not at the point of seeing other people which I think will be the toughest part about all of this but I am there for both of them if that is what they wish to do. Hang in there. :(
my FI's parents dropped the bomb on us at the beginning of the year that they were splitting up. He went through a lot of anger/sadness with it, but his mom has tried to explain that she kept the marriage together for him and his brother, wanting to put their kids first before them. It's been really hard for him, but honestly, things are so much better now. Luckily it's been amicable and his parents are still friends, but either way his mom is a MUCH happier person because of it.
@MsJ26: I'm actually an only child. I've never before wished I had a sibling, until now. Lol. :)
@IlsaLund: My parents separated when I was 22, and while it sucked at the time, things did get better.
Agree with PPs that it's not your job to referee, but do know that being clear about what you want and need will go a long way toward smoothing the transition. This is especially true of holidays. eg: We told my ILs that we absolutely wanted to do two (2) Christmases rather than one.
My parents divorced when I was 15. We had just relocated to a new city, I was just starting to make new friends, get the hang of things, etc.
I don't remember exactly how I felt when they broke up, I remember being scared to see my dad though. My mom and him had a messy divorce and she made him out to be a monster. We were encouraged to not speak with him (which I now understand was unfair.) But he didn't want anything to do with us either.
Even though my father still lives in the same city as us, we have seen him only a handful of times in the last 8 years. Sometimes I get really emotional when I talk about him. One time I saw him drive by as I was on my way home, and had to pull over because I was crying so hard. I hope our future children won't ever have to experience divorce like my FI and I both have with our parents.
I'm not sure that I can tell you it gets easier, because I haven't gotten to that point yet, but the pain definitely subsides. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Trust that your parents are making the right decision and I'm sure this wasn't something that came about out of nowhere. I hope your parents can both find happiness and that you can too.
Last January, my mom told me that my dad had told her he wanted a divorce and had moved out the night before. It happened three days before their twenty-seventh anniversary. She was sobbing when she told me, of course, and she said she didn't know why. He said that he just didn't think they had any of the same interests anymore.
I was living in Japan at the time. After I got off the phone with my mom, I immediately called my dad at work to demand an explanation. He said it wasn't something he needed to talk about with me; it was something between him and my mother. I kept crying at him, though, and he finally told me the same thing my mom had said he said: he just felt like they had drifted apart.
Within 36 hours, I was on a plane back to the States, though my parents told me not to come (my mom didn't want me missing work and losing pay; my dad wanted the same thing and thought it was none of my business). While I was waiting at the airport terminal, I actually got an email saying that my dad had moved back, and I really didn't need to go. I needed to be there, though, just so my mom would have someone to turn to.
I got to speak with both of them a lot while I was there. I hugged my mom a lot when she started crying. I was just so angry with my dad, and I was honestly much more of a b**** to him than I should have been. At one point, he sat me down and said that if their divorce meant that I would be estranged from him, he wouldn't do it. I told him that still wouldn't work if he was miserable.
I did tell him a story that I actually got from my BF's mom. Apparently, when BF and I were back in high school, she and BF's dad had some problems, and she seriously considered leaving him. The day she planned to tell him, she realized that she could either give up twenty-five years of everything she and BF's dad had created together: their own relationship, their relationship with their children, their friends, their finances, EVERYTHING, and then just start over from the beginning; or she could just make things work with the man she had been in love with for over half her life. She chose to make things work. At that moment, she felt so much better, and she went home, and she and BF's dad had a long talk. Both of them started working at improving their relationship. Now, six or seven years later, they're extremely happy together and very much in love all over again.
I think my dad took that story to heart. He hasn't mentioned it to me again, but I know he started making an effort. He and my mom tried counseling, though my dad said he felt very threatened there, and so they stopped. They've both read tons of books on the subject. I know that things aren't back to the way they were yet, but now, over nine months later, they're doing so much better. I went home for a while this summer (they live in a different state than BF and me), and it felt like a family again.
I don't know your exact situation. I'd talk to your mom, though. Tell her the choices: she can either leave everything and start all over, or she can make things work with someone she was able to make things work with for twenty-six years.
I wish you the best of luck. I know how painful this is, and even if things don't work out between them, I hope you stay strong. Hold onto your FI and don't let go. Don't let your parents' situation reflect on you. That was one of my mistakes. I worried that if my parents could divorce, my parents who were the epitome of a loving, longterm marriage, then how could BF and I possibly hope to have a successful future? Just remember that no matter how bleak things are, you are not your mother. If you commit to your FI, and if the two of you truly believe in the institution of marriage as a lifelong commitment to one another, then you have nothing to worry about. You can and will make things work.
My parents were divorced when I was about 10? So I was definately not an adult. However, even then I realized it was the only way my mom would be truly happy so I supported them in the decision. They were good about not putting me in the middle of it. However, my bio father was also an alcoholic who couldnt contribute $ to the family so there is more to the story.
Even at that young age I recognized that it wasnt about me, it was about my mom and what she wanted out of life. As long as I loved my parents and they loved me, I would be OK.
*Hugs* I could've written this post myself! My parents have been married for almost 28 years, and they have been separated since July. At this point, I think my mom (whose idea it was to separate) is thinking divorce as she's inviting a "friend" to come live with her in November. That's a story for another thread, however.
I can completely relate to everything you said, and practically everything everyone else said too. My mom gave the same reasons for the separation/possible divorce. It's hard - so, so hard - but you will get through this. It may not feel like it now, and it may not be the same family unit you've always known, but you are ALL still a family and you'll all come out the other side together.
It's OKAY to feel whatever you're feeling. This is truly a grieving process. Surround yourself with friends and lean on your fiance as much as you need to. A good support system will help exponentially. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm right there with you. Please, PLEASE feel free to message me if you need to vent. It may help both of us. :)
My parents divorsed after 30ish years of marriage, some time around 2000. I am not exactly sure when as they didn't tell us. They had been seperated for a few years. This is what my mother told me. "You have had no change in your family, you still have two parents who love you. Our marriage has changed and it is our problem not yours. The only thing you need to know that your parents are still your parents."
It helped me alot. In reality my parents maritual issues really were not of my concern, as mine are not theirs. As an adult it really didn't affect me or my life. I felt bad for the both of them, but in the long run and years later, my parents are still my parents. We are still the same family no matter where they live or whom they live with.
My FH's parents are getting a divorce now - he's 25 and they'd been married for like 33 years. While in the end I think it will be better for his mom, many things have come to light regarding FH's father's behavior. He was basically emotionally abusive and controlling for most of their marriage. He was anything but loving to my FH. Not abusive, but also not there which can have the same lasting impacts. Luckily FH is normal b/c he's like his mom.
It's been hard b/c we don't want his dad at the wedding and his mom keeps making excuses for his father's behavior. She keeps saying things like, "Well, March is a ways away so you never know!".
Thing is, we do know! FH just called his dad on his birthday and he did not ONCE asked about how things were with him, me, or the wedding planning. We don't want him there and it's hurting her...given how she was treated you'd think she would agree. She needs help (therapy) but there's no movement on that.
I do in the end think she'll be better off considerably.
Thank you SO MUCH everyone for sharing. It's silly, but I do feel better hearing everyone's stories. Less alone, I guess.
I dont have the same experience but my first cousins who i am very close to and actually lived with for a while had to deal with this. It was very ugly because it wasnt a mutual decision, the guy, {my uncle} fell back in love with his ex after 22 years of marriage and his wife {my aunt by marriage} was devastated.. They also expressed the same sentiment of thinking they might have been able to deal better if they had been younger when it happend. Honestly I think it comes as a shock no matter what age, especially when there are no signs that they are having any major problems..
I am sorry you and your family are going through this! I know it can be a very emotional time! My parents divorced last summer (I am 24) and they were married for 26 years also. It is hard to imagine how you can invest that much time into eachother and let it go, but it will always be harder to understand from the outside. I do not have much advice, but wanted to add to the stories to show you are definitely not alone in this! After a year, I am still in a state where I know it happened but it does not feel real. We have not even told FI's family yet. They are always inviting my parents over and we never found the right situation to break the news. The hardest part for me was with my dad. You never want to have to comfort a crying dad (he was not ready to give up).
Thank you for posting this, it was nice to read some similar stories and encouragement!
I was 20 when my parents divorced. Does that count? My parents were just shy of the 22 anniversary when they separated. Man, it was one of the roughest things I went through. I was still living at home at the time, so I watched my dad move out. Then my mom moved out, she couldn't afford the house and watched my dad move back in. I was 20, my brother was 16. He really got messed up by it. I thought my parents had the "perfect relationship". They never argued. They said they just fell out of love, they realized that once the kids were grown, they wouldn't have anything to talk about. They stayed together so long for the children.
For years I was depressed over it. I became very withdrawn. I had to move out of the house until I could deal with it. I had to get into my own relationships to really understand. Since its been over 10 years, they have since remarried. I do not have a good relationship with my step-mother because she can't forget about the way I acted when I was 20. Even though I have tried to explain, I am older, I was having issues dealing with my parents.......I will forever have that black mark on me.
I personally think its rough having parents as adults divorcing than if you were young. FI and I disagree on this topic. His parents divorced at age 7. His argument is that being that young you wonder what you did to cause it. At least being an adult you realize that it wasn't your fault. My defense is atleast at 7, you really never saw your parents together. As an adult you have to get used to that "happy, perfect, parent life" is non existent anymore.
I'm so sorry you're going through this...especially when you're trying to start your own marriage! My parents divorced 3 years ago...PERFECTLY timed with me moving from Florida to Atlanta and starting grad school (as if I needed one more transition). I have to say, being older didn't make it any easier. In some respects, it was harder. Kids with divorced parents have their decisions made for them. As an adult, you're left wondering things like "but where am I supposed to go 'home' to for holidays?" It SUCKS.
The good news I have for you is that it gets better. I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents as individuals, but it didn't happen overnight and it's still a work in progress. I think being patient (though easier said than done) is key.
The best advice I can give you is to, first of all, not try to categorize your family...and ESPECIALLY don't allow yourself to compare your family to others. I have WAY too many friends with cookie cutter families with white picket fences. But those friends LOVE me and don't judge me for having a different family situation. There will always be families worse off than yours, there will always be families better off than yours. The important thing is to remember that they love you, and that your relationship with them will evolve and change regardless of whether its due to structural change (like a divorce) or just normal change that comes with growing up (which I believe we continue to do our whole lives).
The other thing that really worked for me was starting my own traditions. It was rough to not have the same old 15 people over for Thanksgiving and eat the same old things that we had eaten for the last 20 years. But then last Thanksgiving, I was living in Boston for a clinical affiliation far away from ALL of my immediate family...so I cooked a full meal for some guy frineds of mine! They were so appreciative (they were gonna get McDonalds) and they thanked me with lots of beer. It ended up being one of the best Thanksgivings I've ever had! This Christmas, Mr. Lion and I are getting our own real Christmas tree. Neither of us have ever had one; I grew up in a Jewish household and Mr. Lion always had a fake tree. Find something you can look forward to and make it your own!
Good luck with everything. Just remember you're not alone, your family still loves you, and you'll eventually rise above this!
@SandraCarol: It's definitely difficult to comfort Dad. My Dad is handling it well, but to kind of add another layer... my mom is... living with someone else. Who she claims to have only been dating for three weeks. Eeek. My dad is pretty torn up, especially since he had no say in the matter. He said he had some suspicions, but based on their long history, he just pushed it off as paranoia.
@lioness: Thanks so much for the ideas, I like starting new traditions. It was always me, mom and dad- so I'm definitely going to need to forge some new holiday traditions.
@megan215: And YOU, you hit the nail on the head. The whole history of seeing your parents together for so, so long- you also get comfortable, and figure you're past the point where it's a threat. I feel kids are more... adaptable? I guess you think your own situation's worse though, especially since you'll never really know the other side.
My grandparents got divorced after 47 years of marriage. I guess back in the 60's they wanted to get divorced but "stayed together for the kids". After all the kids had grown up and moved out they were still "together" but worked different shifts so they never saw each other. Both were content with the relationship-it worked for them-mainly because they didn't see each other and slept in different bedrooms. Then their oldest son moved back in the house with his family from another state and then talked my grandfather into divorcing my grandmother. One reason why I totally hate most of my family.
I remember feeling hurt, pissed off and ready to murder because I simply didn't know what to do and really how to react. I remember that it tore my family apart and my stupid uncles seemed shock..umm HELLO! YOU both convinced him to do it but they don't remember because they were drunk. I was just graduating high school right before my grandfather dropped the bomb. My grandfather knocked on my door one day in the apartment that my mom and I had and him just saying that he was leaving my grandmother and moving in with us. I got bumped to the couch and stayed there for months (mostly spent time at my boyfriends house) while my grandmother found new housing in another town and my drunk uncles and families got to stay in the big house (I firmly believe that this was their intent all along). I know that I also got the shaft on my graduation party too bc no one from my grandmothers side wanted to come to the party bc they thought family from my grandfathers side was going to be there and vice versa. So I ended up with a party by myself, my mom and 3 random cousins that I didn't even know. I just ended up leaving and getting drunk with some friends...awesome (I know woe is me right?)
I know that some people will disagree with me on this and thats fine, but I hate the excuse of "stay together for the kids". Because really you are just prolonging it and making it worse in the end. Yes I know there are few marriages that do survive but in my experience with friends/family it doesn't. If you are unhappy in a marriage and can't work it out, get out now and not 10, 15, 20 years down the road.
Can I just reiterate how thankful I am that you posted this? Seriously! Not to make it about me, but the insight and comfort I've gained from this thread is awesome. It's so nice to hear other people experience the same things. I had to smile at the "past the threat of divorce" comments. I TOTALLY felt that way. I also definitely needed to hear the comments GreenEyedMoon made about feeling jaded about your own relationship because the one relationship you always counted on disintegrated. Wow. Great stuff!
My parents got divorced when I was 19, after 35 years of marriage. It was extremely difficult for me. We were never given a clear explanation. My mom had obviously waited until I, the youngest, had "left the nest" to do it, but we could tell she had been unhappy for many years before that. My dad always had a bad temper and was a problem drinker, so I can´t blame my mom for leaving. It really tore my dad apart though. He was depressed and suicidal for a long time. The worst part was that he put my brother and I in the middle, always talking smack on my mom to us. My mother never said a bad word about my dad, and I commend her for that.
I agree with others here who have said that being older does not make living a divorce easier. It is easier in the sense you are not around everyday (although I did live at home the first six months after the divorce and it was hard) but like someone else here said, no one is there to make decisions for you. It feels like you are always hurting someone when you choose to spend a holiday with the other parent...or else you drive yourself crazy running around and trying to eat multiple Thanksgiving dinners on one day.
The worst part is that since my mom got remarried a few years ago, she likes to pretend my dad does not exist anymore. They do not talk at all. They had their first encounter in over seven years just this past winter. My father chose to skip my brother´s wedding and my graduation from college because he could not bear to be around my mom and her family and new husband. I will admit that was selfish of him, but cannot say I do not partly understand it. I have had to make it clear to my mom that my future wedding will definitely include my father, but she still tries to pretend it won´t, offering for her new husband to take part in things my father should have a role in. It is very weird and difficult. It has gotten easier in the sense that there is slightly less drama now, but it is still there, 9 years after the fact.....
I feel you, OP, but just know that from all the responses here, you are not alone! Having my parents divorce after so long really made me disillusioned in marriage.....I thought once you got past a certain number of years together you were home free....but it proves you constantly have to work at a relationship. My parents went to counseling before they split but my dad said my mom never opened up - she was already done. My parents still have so much in common it is eerie because they always end up doing the same things or seeing the same movie or concert and not even knowing it. My dad has worked hard to stop drinking and improve his temper. However, that might not have happened if he stayed with my mom because he would have lacked the motivation. I can´t say their decision was right or wrong. I hope I give my future marriage everything I have and that if anything their divorce and the subsequent drama and problems have taught me to work doubley hard to make my marriage last and never inflict this upon my own kids.
Best wishes to you and big hugs through this difficult time.
In february my fiance and myself announced that we would be having a June 2013 wedding. I am in Nursing school and will be graduating in may of 2013, so me and my mom kicked it into high gear trying to get organized and start planning. We wanted to have the bulk of everything booked, made, reserved, etc. by the end of the summer that way it was minimal stress in while i was in school. I am 22 and will be 23 in 2wks. My dad has cheated on my mom several times through out there marriage. Each time my mom has dealt with it in her own way. She says that she likes the life that they have together. They started out on welfare and worked their way up to owning multiple businesses. After the last time my mom which was quite a few years ago my mom started trusting my dad again. They were going on dates all over again. It was cute. Recently my mom was bragging about how her husbands a whole new man now. He is helping around the house more..etc...Then she started realizing that my dad was being to nice/helpful. She looked up the phone bill and found that he had been have numerous phone calls to his high school sweetheart at 3-4am. On weekends he started going to work and here he was going to work and talking to her. There is a lot more too this but she wants a divorce. I don't blame her I actually want her to stand her ground and do what is best for her not what is best for the kids (me almost 23 and my brother 26) or best for the business. I just want her to be happy. I don't agree with what my dad did or has done. To me thats just not caring but he is still my dad and i love him dearly. I knew this was going to happen eventually. And at times I wanted it to happen for my moms sake. I just am having a really hard time dealing with it now that it is reality. I cant help but want to cry. I am the younger sibling but both parents talk to me. My brother and my dad don't get a long period. My mom is very hesitant on what she says to him because he makes mountains out of mole hills or tries to some how turn the situation into all about him (which is kind of what i am doing now) but i feel like there is this weight on my chest and i can't breath and all i want to do is break down and cry....sorry for the rant just needed to vent to anyone even if the post is from a year ago
My parents split up after 23 years of marriage when I was on my honeymoon, 22 years ago now. I was 21, hadn't really wanted to get married and had only done it because they had made it clear they would disown me if I lived with my boyfriend...my mother was (and still is) a practicing Catholic. At the time I was totally under their thumb.
My father left my mother for the woman he'd been having an affair with for about a year. He'd spent my wedding reception going out to ring her from a payphone (this was 1989, before mobile phones) I last saw my father on the 24th September 1989, the day I left for my honeymoon.
I came back from honeymoon and was woken by my mother at 5am to break the news. She started badmouthing my father there and then and hasn't stopped since. If anything, she has got more venomous as time has gone by. I've never known anyone so bitter. She even said 'you won't have any contact with your father now, will you?' to myself and my two brothers. Mentioning my father at all in front of her leads to a least 3 hour pity party... I can't ring her on New Years Eve (they got married on that date) because the same thing happens, and I always get the line 'I would have been married *insert number of years* today...' and more badmouthing of my father.
It has influenced the way I look on all relationships. I find it nearly impossible to trust anyone fully, I see no value in familes. I have no relationship at all with my older brother, and a very distant one with my mother (I deliberately live on the other side of the world from her) I haven't spoken to her at all this year so far, and have no desire to. I don't even know if my father is still alive. My mother made it clear the last time I visited her - nearly 3 years ago - that she would still prefer it if I had no contact with him or any of his family.
I would have preferred if they had split when I was very young. My mother behavour and attitude was so bad I had a nervous breakdown due to the amount of stress she put on me. She's told me things that I should have not known about her marriage - and she thinks doing so is acceptable 'because you are an adult' The concept that the person she is being so vile about is STILL my father totally escapes her.
@TheMsMittens: She's told me things that I should have not known about her marriage - and she thinks doing so is acceptable 'because you are an adult'
I totally feel you on this one! My parents waited till I was 18 to divorce, thought I'd handle it better as an "adult". My mom pulled the "it's just me and you" card...(I'm an only child), so she'll confide EVERYTHING to me and its like..woman, I do NOT need to know that!!
Then she'd bad mouth my dad and my paternal grandma...and once she threatened suicide in front of us...And now that she's "healed and moved on", she gets mad that I'm still bitter. Kinda hard to get that image of her with a knife to her wrist out of my memory. Oh and there was that time I had to call the ambulance cuz she had OD on sleeping pills and alcohol. Yea, I'm traumatized. Ok, end bitter rant :P
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Oh, lord. I joined Weddingbee to be able to blather on about all my DIY ideas and everything no one else wants to hear about, and my first post is in the emotional board. How lame of me.
I just found out this morning, my mom called me. I was home over the weekend, for a few events, engagement party (Engaged Sept. 10!), etc, so why she waited I don't know. But, long story short, my parents are getting a divorce. After 26 years. I feel so unprepared for this, all I've done all day is cry. I feel like if this had happened as a kid, I'd have dealt with it better- everyone's parents were getting divorced. But I feel totally blindsided. I always put so much stock in their relationship, and I know I don't know all the ins and outs- but what I'm being told (I'm just not happy, I deserve to be happy, your dad never wants to go out, I feel old and I'm not and it's not fair to me) doesn't add up to ending a 26 year marriage.
Does anyone have any experience with later-divorcing parents? I don't even understand how to categorize my family anymore. I feel like I don't have one now.