Parents divorcing as an adult

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Don’t pick sides, try not to have an opinion, and refuse to listen to it. I know you hae told your mom to not talk to you about it, but you need to stop her eery single time she starts. No matter how much you think you know, you will neer get the full picture and it will change your relationship with your parents, in fact it already has.

As far as your mother’s mental health, it’s sounds like she need to see somebody. If your dad is offering to go to counceling with her, maybe that would open the door to her seeing someone on her own, but with her past suicide attempt and her escalating behaiors, it sounds like she needs help.

Post # 4
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@incognitobumblebee:  You need to take a step back from the situation and play Switzerland (be neutral & don’t take sides) for a while if you want to maintain relationships with both parents after the divorce.  Their divorce has nothing to do with you and there is nothing you can do to fix their marriage; it’s something they have to want and work on for themselves.

While they go through the process of separating and divorcing you can be supportive of them without getting involved in their arguments or negativity about the other parent.  Make it clear that you love them but you can’t take sides because you love both of them.  Set clear boundaires with each of them regarding topics you will not discuss with them (and also point out you are making the same rules with the other parent so they know you’re being fair.)

When mom starts discussing things you don’t want to discuss with her, stop the conversation immediately and change the subject, if she persists then let her know that she should talk to counselor about her marriage/divorce because it’s not right to put a child (even an adult child) in that situation.  If she continues to persist, let her know you will talk to her about anything and everything except the marriage/divorce and leave.

We were glad we did this with my in laws because they ultimately decided to try one more time to make their marriage work.  They both knew their son and I loved them both but we didn’t meddle in their relationship because it was for them to decide.  They are now thinking of separating again and we have gone back to being Switzerland.  I can tell my husband is sad about it but he realizes now they need to do what best for them and we have to stay out of it so we can maintain our relationship with both parents no matter what happens.

Post # 6
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Would your mom be open to private therapy just for herself? Maybe that could help her sort out some of her concerns and in general help her state of mind during all of this. I am so sorry you are going through this but hang in there. I know not every couple is the same but my parents went through a very rough patch awhile back and theyve come through much stronger than I have ever seen them. If your mom doesnt want to do personal therapy maybe shed go with you if itd make her more comfortable? 

Post # 7
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I totally agree with the other 2 bee’s. I know what it’s like being inbetween those fights. Not fun at all. try to stay neutral. I hope things get better!

Post # 8
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

From what you have said, it sounds like your mum has some psychological issues. The paranoia  is probably a sign of some larger issues. I would make every effort to get her to see someone. Medication and therapy could really help her and improve life her and everyone else involved. 

 

 

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