First off (( HUGS ))
Lol, feel free to come back for more… you probably will need them as you go thru this phase of your life (sucks that it is happening while you are planning such a happy occasion as a Wedding)
The advice from @asscherlover: is excellent. Indeed don’t get sucked into the drama… your Parents will want to vent, and they no doubt will be looking for allies. I found that a Divorce sadly makes people take sides… you don’t want this to happen, because not only is it going to split up your Parents, it can seriously split up your Family as well (you might want to talk to your siblings and the 3 of you make a pact UPFRONT that NONE of you are going to get drawn into the Drama… otherwise, before you know it you are).
The Wedding and Planning no doubt will now be more difficult. I pray that your Parents aren’t super ugly and bitter… because that can wreck H3LL for a Bride… “Your Father ___” and “Your Mother ___” comments being bandied about can drive you crazy. Hopefully the two of them will be civil, and take your feelings into consideration, and manage to get thru the day without making it a horrid mess for you
As for your feelings. They are not that unusual, even though you are a grown woman who doesn’t live at home, and hasn’t for some time.
My Parents got a Divorce after 35+ Years of Marriage. I was in my late 20s, and Married and had children. It was a raw wound for me as well.
Their Seperation / Divorce was a a war zone. And that aside, it was a Devastating Blow for me. Although it was their Marriage, it was MY FAMILY. And I was heartbroken.
To be dead honest, it tore our family apart… and things have never been the same since. I am close to one Parent, and estranged from the other (primarily because of that Parent’s choices). It is sad, but it is what it is.
NOTE (ADDED IN LATER) – I wrote my full reply here after the first one by @asscherlover:. So it is kind of funny to find my last paragraph below is in-sync now with her most recent reply…
The one thing you can truly WISH for in regards to your Wedding, is that hopefully neither of them will bring “a Date”… that tends to ramp up the Drama (at least based on topics here on WBee regarding Brides Planning Weddings with Divorced Parents).
I remember when my Dad first started Dating… I was truly hurt. I honestly felt it was wrong that he could be looking for someone to “replace” my Mom (in actuality of course he was just looking for companionship and love again)… but for me it felt differently. Psychologists say this is of course normal… be one a young child (common feelings) or an adult… there is just some sort of finality to the situation when a Parent begins Dating and finding someone to “fill a void”. For them it is a natural part of being single… for children, no matter our ages, it just is a reminder of the finality of it all, and the emptiness we feel.
EDIT TO ADD…
Interesting the tables turned some 15 years later, when my Dad was planning his second marriage, and I was in the midst of my Divorce. As much as I was happy for him finding love again, I just couldn’t stomach it all… I was just too absorbed in my own pain and the ugly end to my 20+ year marriage. A lot of water has passed under that bridge now though (10+ Years) and I am now able to embrace him and his partner… it has a lot easier since I myself have been in a good relationship, and am planning to remarry. My Dad & his wife have been my biggest supporters. They are actually really really cute about it, suppose it is because they know the value of finding love again “at a certain age”.
As they say, time heals just about all wounds.
Hope this helps (even a little),