Parents giving speeches?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m assuming you are not from the UK. Only it is absolutely usual for the father of the bride to give a speech over here. Now like all customs, you don’t have to follow this one but it is certainly quite normal here. You won’t be the first person who’d prefer to avoid drunken fatherly ramblings mind! 

I don’t know how much, if any, offence is likely to be caused by not allowing your father to give a speech but if it is genuinely not the done thing where you live then it shouldn’t come as a surprise to him.

 

Post # 4
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@star282:  Traditionally, the speeches are FOB toasting his daughter, groom toasting his new wife, best man toasting the groom/couple, in that order.  We are having MOH, groom, Best Man.  Mostly it’s because we don’t want FOB to toast for various reasons, but the explanation we are giving, and it s also totally true, is that the fact that the groom is toasted by his best friend, but the bide by her father, is paternalistic, archaic, and sexist.  Same way we are going to explain why he isn’t giving her away, and it is, in fact, how both of us feel, outside the issues with th FOB.  But it’s also a great rationale that makes it nobody’s fault, and should minimize conflict, rather than having to get into “look, Dad, you’re a lush, and you’ll embarrass me” “no I won’t I promise I won’t drink” “yes you will don’t even bother” “you’re an ungrateful snot, you bridezilla, you!

Instead, it can be “I understand you’re disappointed, Dad, but I love you, and I know you love me, and I’m just asking you to respect my beliefs about this.”

Post # 5
Member
10494 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Here, it’s the norm for the parents to give a speech.  Sometimes all 4 parents will say something, sometimes it just one from each side, or a combination.

They usually talk about the bride/groom when they were growing up, welcome their new child in law to the family, and sometimes thank the guests (sometimes that’s left to the B&G).

Post # 6
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Every wedding I’ve been to the parents did a thank you speech.  They weren’t all entirely because the parents hosted (in some cases they didn’t).  They wanted to give a blessing to the couple and good fortune for the future.  I am counting on my dad to do this at ours.  He’s just going to thank everyone for coming and to enjoy themselves.  I want it short and sweet, no stories or jokes.  Just to kick off the party!  Maybe you could help him write his speech and keep it straight to the point. 

Post # 7
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@star282:  I’m in the US and have only seen an FOB do a speech once.  It was nice, just welcomed people to the reception, thanked them for being prsent and then said a dinner prayer.  MOH and BM did their speeches after dinner at that wedding.

 

If your dad wants to speak, let him do so (before he gets into the booze), if not no big deal.

Post # 8
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My dad made a speech at both my sister and my wedding. He could make a career out of writing wedding speeches!  He paid for the wedding, so technically was the host, so it would have been odd of him not to give a speech.  My FIL made a short speech at the rehearsal dinner which he hosted.

Post # 9
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

The Father of the Bride traditionally gives a speech. that said, there is no law requiring a FOB speech, so do what feels right to you.

Our speeches were delivered by Mr. LK welcoming everyone before the 1st course was served, the best man and matron of honor between the 1st and 2nd course, the father of the bride and the aunt of the groom (since Mr. LK’s parents are both deceased) between the 2nd and 3rd course, and teen LK between the 3rd and 4th course. We did speeches in between the different courses of the meal so that they wouldn’t all occur in one long block of time. The flow worked out really well, and Teen LK just brought the house down.

Post # 10
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think the parents gave a speech at almost all the weddings I’ve been to. Both of our dads gave a speech, and the MoH.

Post # 11
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yup, I just went to a wedding where both fathers gave speeches.  They did them after the first dance, before dinner, and before the other toasts.

Post # 12
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

At weddings I’ve been to in different areas of Canada it’s always been (in various orders), MOHe best man, grooms parents, brides parents, and groom +/- bride. That’s also what we’re doing though not sure on order yet

 

Post # 13
Member
10494 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@medbride:  +1 except I’ve seen other people than the MOH or best man give the speech.

Post # 14
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think I’ve only been to one wedding where any father made a speech. We’re only having our best man and MOH do one.

Post # 15
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We actually didnt do MOH or Best man speeches either – My husband stood up and said somethign and that was it! i guess its just whatever you want to do!

Post # 16
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve been to a couple weddings where the FOB made a speech, but many that did not.  At my sisters wedding our father did a speech at the rehersal dinner but not at the wedding.  The last wedding I went to there were speeches from both parents on both sides, maid of honor, best man, and 3 of the brides brothers.

Basically I’ve learned that with speeches you can do whatever you want.

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