(Closed) Parents guests!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Mine are kind of getting as many as they want since they’re paying, lol. I would totally be irked if we were paying for it, though! I would tell them that you want to keep it small and give them a set number so they’ll know that ‘small’ doesn’t mean 100 of their closest friends :).

Post # 4
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Dad got 2 friends, FIs parents dont really have friends (weirdos) and all of my Moms friends I really consider my friends as well. So… two. Both sets of parents are helping with the wedding but we are footing the majority of the bill. We got really lucky that neither of our parents have been pushy at all.

Post # 5
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

OMG. My MIL had about 75 of her friends at my wedding. I didn’t really feel I could say no because they payed for like 1/3 of the wedding costs. If hubby and I were paying for it on our own, then I would’ve definitely put my foot down.

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

My parents paid for a good portion of our wedding so they invited whoever they wanted. Since brother got married a couple of months before and my parents got on a couple of guests (their siblings and parents) my mother didn’t want to limit his parent’s guest list. So my in-laws who tortured me all during the planning and didn’t pay a dime still had a 60 person guest list, about 40 of them friends.

To be honest though I knew every single person what was at our wedding, we ended up with 210 guests.

Post # 7
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

LOL. I am going to invite a few of my mom’s friends who are family friends who I’d like at the wedding. But last week she was over at a friend’s house when I called her and she said, “Dee and blah blah and blah are so excited for your wedding, they’re fist pumping!!” I’ve never even MET these people; there’s no way they are coming. It’s not my mom’s excuse to have a night of partying with her friends on me. (We are paying for the whole wedding ourselves.) Some of her friends who I’m close enough with will be there, but I’m sorry, she’s not inviting her little party group along.

Post # 8
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

FMIL lives across the country from us so she might ask to invite one person she is close with, and I don’t have a problem with that because she has been super selective with who she would ‘suggest’ we invite from her side of the family & the one friend she might request has always been SUPER nice & helpful to us, so yeah, I don’t mind that.

My FFIL is getting 2-4 friends invited because honestly their OUR friends too! 2 of them we have hung out with, gotten close to even partied with over the years (and the other 2 are their spouses). So again I don’t mind.

My Parents have yet to request any of their friends come, and I doubt they will because 1) it is OOT for them and 2) we aren’t particularly close with any/many of their friends. There would be 1-2 people I would make the exception for, but that is about it, and since our wedding falls during those 1-2 peoples busy season (they are camp owners & guides) I doubt they would be able to come even if they were invited.

Post # 10
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Divide up your list in 4’s.  You, he, your folks, his folks.  Everyone gets their share of people they can invite within those parameters.  Youjust worry about who you want to invite and let your parent’s figure out who they are going to invite within the numbers they are given.

Post # 11
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We had a lot of my parent’s friends attend our wedding and honestly, I liked having them there.  Most of the friends they invited have known me since I was very little and it was really special to both them and my parents that they were able to attend.  My parents and DH’s parents paid for much of the wedding, so maybe I would feel differently if only the two of us paid for it, but I don’t think so. ETA – Also, their friends have seen DH and I grow as a couple (we had been dating for a long time) so they were all really happy to see us get married.

Post # 12
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Both sides of parents have helped pay for the wedding… and they got no say in the guestlist at all…

We even cut it to immediate family ONLY.. no aunts, unlces, or cousins….

FI are paying for most of the wedding and can’t pick up that much cost (it would be 200+ with aunts/unlces… & no this still doesn’t include parents friends)

I completely agreed with my mom in saying that it doesn’t matter who is contributing or how (ie. having sponsors)… it’s our wedding and people should keep their opinions & wants to themselves.. lol

Post # 13
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My parents invited two of their friends that were on my guestlist regardless of my parents’ request, because I grew up with them and really want them there.  Unfortunately, they can’t come!  Bummer! 🙁

FMIL invited several friends, but I have spent time with most of them and like them, so that’s fine by me.

Post # 14
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Lucky for me, my parents didn’t even ask to invite any friends.  My mom would much rather have us invite OUR FRIENDS then her own.  Why?  Because it’s OUR wedding and she gets that (& she’s paying for a third of it)

FI’s parents….not so much.  His dad is inviting a couple (he asked for more but FI said NO) and his mom is inviting a few as well (again, wanted to invite more but FI put his foot down)

The way we look at it is, it’s our wedding, if we can’t even invite ALL our friends due to obvious reasons (money) how is it fair they invite theirs?  yes they are helping pay, but I don’t think it’s an excuse to invite as many of their friends as they want.  I’d hate my wedding to be mostly friends of other people rather than our own!

Post # 15
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OH GIRL! Ive been facing this problem since we set our venue! MY parents are paying for my wedding; my FI parents are giving up $XX as a wedding gift to use towards whatever… well we picked a venue that only allowed 220 TOPS!!! plus its an hour away (FI is from Indiana & I’m from Illinois so we settled in the middle) My parents want me to invite family first and my closest friends I want there (since we divided up the list 110 for my side & 110 for his side)- I did invite MAYBE 5 couples that would be my parents “friends” or church family that Ive known since birth! HOWEVER…. my FI parents are like “life of the party” they are more worried about their own social lives than anything. I was raised very very family oriented, no drinking etc…. FI parents let the boys (twins) have friends over to drink all the time, are ALWAYS the DD (which i find awkward) etc…. they didnt even skip a bourban trail run with their “friends” to see FI & I when we came in town and they hadnt seen us in 2 months! So anywho….

FI parents want to invite like 50+ couples that are their friends… then got MAD bc we said no… I know NONE of them & FI knows few of them. We have had them tell us how stupid our venue is, how ridiculous etc (Also bc I’m not Catholic so its not 100% Catholic wedding- thats another LONG post! ! ) So they have had this huge melt down and cry baby fit over not getting to invite all their “friends” since – word for word from FFIL- “Its a party & reason to get drunk & our friends want to do that”— UM NO my wedding is NOT a reason to get drunk, im still pissy about the beer being there but NO ONE is getting invited to get drunk! So now they offered us $XXXX.00 to help but when doing so this is what we were told (SIDE NOTE: MY FI TWIN BRO IS GETTING MARRIED 12 WKS AFTER US & INVITING CLOSE TO 500 PPL)  “We are going to give you X dollars; we would have given you more & we are giving *your brother* more money towards his wedding because he is letting us invite more friends”

REALLY Your going to not give your twin boys the same amount of money as a wedding gift bc one lets you invite more of your friends they dont know!!!!!!!!!!! AH

I THINK ITS RIDICULOUS!!! CLOSE FRIENDS OR FAMILY ONLY~! is how I feel~

Post # 16
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I see I am not alone…

We always knew we would invite parents’ friends to the wedding, however never knew how many of them there were 🙂 So, as Momma suggested in a previous post, we divided the list:
Our guests: 100 ppl (that included our families, friends and the people we would have invited to the wedding anyways. Since it is OUR wedding , we get the majority of invites-but it is also the blending of two families so we did not feel right to exclude others that have been in our lives)
My family:50ppl(not couples – people)
His family:50ppl(not couples – people)
 ** 1 rule **- we had to know the people parents were inviting, if we did not know them: they were not invited.
HOWEVER !!! – since we are paying for our wedding, we asked our parents instead of the gifts to pay for their own guests. This way they can judge how many people they wanted to invite based on their own budgets :))

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