parents guilted fiance into allowing exception to no kids wedding

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@aconnor82:  I think it depends on the circumstances… who is paying for the wedding and reception?

Are these people travelling to be there?

How old are the children in question?


We had a mostly kid-free wedding, the exceptions were breast-feeding infants, my 5 y/o niece who was our flower girl, and some older kids (over 10 and very well behaved) whose parents had to travel from out of state to be there.

Post # 5
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I would be more irritated with your FI for not having your back.  Yeah, they can throw the guilt but it is his choice what he does with it.

Post # 6
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@aconnor82:  It depends on if the people have already been told they can bring their kids. It’s realy hard to retract an invitation.

I wouldn’t resent his parents. They just did what many parents would do. What would concern me is that your FI didn’t stand up to his parents, that he made this decision without discussing it with you, and that he went against a decision the two of you had previously made.

I agree with you that it may cause problems with your other guests. Unless both of the children are nursing infants, which is highly unlikely, people will be wondering why their children were excluded.

Post # 7
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@hermom:  Exactly what I was going to say.

Having a child free wedding comes with its down falls. Some epoepl might not attend and some might be upset. The two of you made the decision you made together and should have stood by that decision. Even if your FI changed his mind (which might happen once he sees the downside) he should have talked to you about it first.

Post # 9
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

You need to go back to him, tell him you guys need to have this talk again from square one and get on the same page with each other.  If this is putting him in tears to be between you and his parents something isn’t right.

I am all for no kid weddings – really enjoy them.  Does your FI REALLY want a  kid  friendly wedding or is he saying he does to make you happy?  OR Does your FI REALLY want a no kid wedding and caving to his parents to make them happy?

You guys need to start from square one on this, decide how you both really feel about it and get on the same page.  Once you are on that page there should be no caving.

Post # 11
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@aconnor82:  I would personally try speaking with the aunt and explaining that no other kids are invited – if you have people coming from Ireland and having to leave their kids at home they may be very offended when they arrive to find other kids in attendance. Perhaps even worse for you than if you had offended only the aunt.

Post # 12
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@aconnor82:  At this point – if your fiance is on the verge of crying you need to compromise.

You have EVERY right to be pissed and yes he should have stayed firm but he didn’t and to undo it could cause a TON of drama.

Sometimes you gotta pick your battles and sometimes you lose them.  Normally I would say hold your ground but he already opened the damn floodgates and if he’s really upset and it’s going to cause a ton of stress to try to fix it.  Just let it go.  He’s probably feeling really bad as is.

Post # 14
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@aconnor82:  Take it from me. I had a child free wedding but I caved and allowed a child to come.

My family was NOT pleased at this.

It has to be all or nothing or it will look like you are playing favorites.

I think you need to talk to your inlaws and remind them that you do not want to offend others.

Post # 15
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well all I know is that if I came to your kid free wedding and jumped thorugh hoops to leave my kids at home and traveled without them to come to your wedding and I see that the other half of the guests were allowed to bring kids, I may never speak to you again.

Post # 16
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Usually expections to “no kids” are breastfeeding infants, kids in the bridal party or children of bridal party members, or immediate family members- i.e. siblings or nieces/nephews. Second cousins (or whatever the relationship is) are not immediate. Agreed that it’s all or nothing.

You can always offer to find a babysitter for these two for the evening, if the whole family is planning on flying in for the wedding. These two are old enough that they could stay with another family back home for the weekend, if needed.


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