Post # 1
I know now a days, that the brides parents don’t always take care of the wedding tab like they used to. In this new age, anyone who can will contibute. My father is disabled after a severe head injury so he doesn’t work and my mom is barely getting by after getting slammed with all of my dad’s medical bills. My fiance’s parents are Geologists that work for Exxon and Shell and make VERY good money, yet they haven’t offered and will not be offering to pay for our wedding. We have been engaged for over a year now and will be getting married in a little less than 4 months. I am paying for pretty much everything. Even my sister has contributed $2000 for our wedding! His parents are divorced and his dad blows most of his money on booze and women and his mom acts clueless in regards to anything about the wedding. She has told my fiance that his father should be contributing not her since she was the good parent and he was the drunken parent that broke up the marriage. Does that make any sense? My fiance had to put up with so much of their crap growing up so in her eyes it’s her ex-husband that needs to pay reparations.
None the less, the wedding is almost here and they haven’t even bothered to ask if we needed anything. I don’t expect them to pay for the entire wedding like tradition states, but maybe offer to do the rehearsal dinner or maybe pay for the alcohol or something! I am embarrased to ask them for money, and my fiance won’t do it either. About 6 months ago my MIL wanted to buy me a gorgeous crytal bracelet to wear on my wedding day, but it was $400, and I told her no way. I polietely said that I would prefer those $400 go towards something we actually need like flowers or cake, and she hesitantly agreed. She has yet to give me those $400 and I know I won’t be getting them. My in-laws make close to $100K a year each! Am I being a little crazy? Or is this not right?
A little background: We are a couple in our mid-twenty’s with decent jobs (me-sales him-nurse) and are putting ourselves through college. We also bought a house 2 years ago. We work hard and have high goals. We are good kids!
Post # 3
Yeah it’s always nice to have parent contribute to the wedding but it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to pay for a wedding but their own because getting married only really costs the amount of a marriage license, everything else is extra. Some people are just weird with money so that may be the case with your in-laws? It sounds like you are both in good places in life so hopefully you aren’t taking on more than you can handle financially.. You have a very generous sister so try and focus on the supportive people in your life.
Post # 4
I’m paying for my own wedding. Because I chose to get married – my parents didn’t decide it for me.
I’m also having the wedding that I can afford, I’m not throwing a massive party and expecting others to fund it.
You are not entitled to any money from anyone.
Post # 5
@Nellop: <– what she said.
Post # 6
It’s nice and generous when your parents, or his parents, offer to contribute for your wedding, but it shouldn’t be expected. Basically, if you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for your wedding, and shouldn’t be getting upset because people aren’t hanging you gobs of money. It doesn’t matter if his parents are Bill and Melinda Gates, honestly they are under no obligation to give you a cent. And that same sentiment would go for your parents as well.
So, stop focusing on what people aren’t doing, and focus on the important things – you’re getting married in 4 months! If you keep focusing on the money issue, you’re just going to end up resenting your in-laws for something that shouldn’t have even been an expectation in the first place.
Post # 7
As it has been already said, it is a nice gesture when parents offer to pay /contribute money towards the wedding expenses, however it is totally up to them. You have to budget the wedding according to what you are ready to pay for yourself. The wedding can be as big or small as you want it to be.
As for your MIL to offer buying you the crytal bracelet I think that it was a very genourous of her, maybe she wanted to buy you something that you could keep after the wedding and that is why the money have not been given to you yet?
Post # 8
Though contributions are fantastic, you just can’t expect one or feel you’re entitled to one. At the end of the day it’s their money to spend how they choose and if they choose not to help you, then you have to accept that. Luckily, you also have good jobs so hopefully it won’t be a struggle for you. Good luck.
Post # 9
@mrs.mrod1026: Also in your other post about your Mom you said “None of our parents are paying for any of it, and I don’t expect them to. I am paying for a sophisticated, black-tie, formal wedding of my dreams with assigned tables, a 4-course sit-down dinner, full open bar, huge floral centerpieces, ect.”
So I am confused which is it?
Post # 10
You’re employed, in your mid-twenties, and own a home. You shouldn’t expect a dime from anyone. If offered, be grateful for the generous gift. Don’t rant when some choose not to make this gift.
Post # 11
Have the wedding you can afford. If you’re getting to the point where you feel like you have to ask for money to be able to pay for everything, you’re scrambling out of your reach.
Post # 12
Eh, I’m going to go against the grain here. I can see why you’d be upset. It’s one thing to be really rude and have a sense of entitlement about them not helping, but I don’t think that’s where OP is coming from….I think she’s just upset that it sucks. Which it does.
Personally, I feel like a wedding is about families. Everyone pitching in and helping. Whether it be financially, helping with DIY stuff, or whatever. At the same time, you can’t very well ASK someone to help pay for the wedding that you wanted.
Honestly, my FI and I have scrimped and saved for our wedding, and his parents have told us not only will they not help, but they think we are wasting our time (and money) having a nice wedding.
In the end, it’s best just to suck it up and not think about it. If you’re paying for it, you get to do everything your way without any input from anyone else!
Post # 13
Honestly paying for your wedding yourself can be a blessing in disguise. Sounds like you have issues with FI’s parents and believe me, having them have the right to have a say in your wedding because they financially contributed could be a nightmare. Be proud that you and FI are affording this wedding on your own and let it go!
Post # 14
OP, I read the same reference to the divorced parents’ salaries in a couple of your other threads. You seem really bitter about that, but you have to learn how to let that go. Your fiance’s parents earn that money, and can spend it as they see fit. When you grow up, your parents just stop paying your way, no matter how much they earn.
Post # 15
@morkiemama: Thank you. I suppose it’s because of my job, I sell weddings for a living and every single couple that walks through the door have their parents with them ready to hand over a credit card. I see it everyday so sure I feel a little resentment. Luckily I knew they are in fact weird about their money, and we got the wedding we could afford by ourselves. I used to not have an opinion about his mom before she moved in with us, but after a year of living with her could you blame me? I guess I’m just counting down the days until she signs for her new home, whenever that may be.
Post # 16
@mrs.mrod1026: I understand how crappy it can feel to not have any parental support (financial or otherwise), especially when you constantly see other brides/couples that get it from their parents. I really do understand where you are coming from on your post (my mom is no longer with us and my dad is MIA and it hurts to see brides going shopping for dresses with their moms, going to tastings and, yes, having dad there to offer some money to help because nothing is too good for his little girl). But that being said, your wedding really is YOUR (and your FI’s) responsibility. No one is obligated to give you anything towards it. Not money, not labor, not emotional support, nothing. This is depressing but very true and the sooner you realize that the sooner you can start to appreciate the upside which is that you are able to do it yourself! Be proud of that, girl! Good luck!