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My parents are inviting a lot of guests. I just kin of shrug it off because they're paying for a lot of it so if they wantsome frineds there than okay. Luckily most of them have had something to do with my life. Theres a few people (4) more parents are inviting that I don't really know, but they're insisting so I'm just gonna go with it.
FI's parents aren't inviting ayone though, so I think it evens out.
Omg, this has happened to me and I was so pissed! My fiance and I sat down with our parents on separate occasions and discussed who to invite and who we can skip. So, we send out the save-the-dat's and months later my fiance's Mother mentions, in passing, that she'd like to invite her BEST friend. My fiance barely know's her, I've never met her and therefore I was like NO! But I didn't say a word until my fiance and I were alone. He kinda doesn't want to rock the boat but if we say yes then the flood gates will open and I'm not having it. Now, if it was just one friend I'd be fine but deep down I'm a lil resentful anyway because my family is paying for a large majority of the wedding yet the guests are mostly his- they don't need anymore! I do! How mature did that sound? But it does really upset me, I wish I still had a large family to, ya know?
Omg, this has happened to me and I was so pissed! My fiance and I sat down with our parents on separate occasions and discussed who to invite and who we can skip. So, we send out the save-the-dat's and months later my fiance's Mother mentions, in passing, that she'd like to invite her BEST friend. My fiance barely know's her, I've never met her and therefore I was like NO! But I didn't say a word until my fiance and I were alone. He kinda doesn't want to rock the boat but if we say yes then the flood gates will open and I'm not having it. Now, if it was just one friend I'd be fine but deep down I'm a lil resentful anyway because my family is paying for a large majority of the wedding yet the guests are mostly his- they don't need anymore! I do! How mature did that sound? But it does really upset me, I wish I still had a large family to, ya know?
My Fi and his dad actually just got into an argument about this last week!!! Fi turned groomzilla!! His dad insisted that we invite "so and so" and FI said "No, no one else will be added, we want it small!" So Fi's dad got mad and hung up, they yet have to talk and apologize to each other!! Men hold more grudges than women! So in the end...we sent those "so & so" STDs!!
YES.
Mr. BC's step mom insisted on inviting about 10 of her "closest" friends.
Most of them couldn't make it (even though they live in town!!), but those who apparently ARE coming haven't even RSVP'd!!
VERY VERY frustrating.
I just found out my mom has quietly been inviting a few friends that were originally not on the list. I'm not going to worry about it, with the regrets we've gotten, there is room for her friends...i'm not close to her friends by any means, I know who they are and if she wants them there it's fine. I guess it's not that big of a deal...it's probably less than 10 people total...but I'm sure if it was taking up much more of our guest list, I may be upset.
we have sort of run into this problem. We aren't getting married until June 2010 but we established a guideline early on that each set of parents were allowed to invite 7 couples (friends) to the wedding. My sister did this at her wedding 3 years ago and it worked out well.
I guess I'm assuming my FI's family will abide by the rules but everytime we mention the wedding my FMIL mentions that she has some more people she wants to add to the list but then says we'll see. I know she is saying that because she doesn't want a full blown discussion on the whim but I also think she knows I will put my foot down to it.
I understand the parents want their friends there to celebrate but, there is no way that I am saying ok to people that I have never met. That means if those that attended didn't know me they would be congratulating my FI and I the day of and introducing themselves all at the same time. Not going to happen. There are rules and guidelines for a reason.
Honestly, I would say about half of my side of the guest list IS my parents friends. But that's because I know all of them, and they all helped raise me in some fashion. My extended family isn't very close, and it's very, very small, so my parents friends and their kids became my friends and family, and I cannot imagine my wedding without them!
FH and I just made a rough draft of our guest list. We're funding the entire wedding ourselves, but we made a small space (about 8-10 guests ) for my mom to invite close friends who have made an impact on my life as well. I'm choosing which friends, and they are all in the same circle, and they're people I've met dozens of times. FH's parents don't seem to care much, but all the same, I thought he should ask them.
I guess I don't really have the frustrating problem that others have though. I think if friends of parents are going to be invited, they should be people that either the bride or the groom know pretty well. Also, I think that if the parents are paying for the wedding, they definitely should get input on the wedding. If YOU are paying for the wedding, there's no way it's fair for them to assume they can invite whoever they want.
Haha - funny you should ask this!
I am one of those brides who are dealing with a BAZILLION parents' friends, thanks to giving them the invitations and envelopes to address for me. They took it upon themselves to take the 20 "extra" invites and invite our neighborhood and whoever else they could think up, in addition to scarfing up about 30 of the FI's invitations for his side, because he didn't get his addresses in to them as soon as I did.
So what this looks like: Out of the current 35 RSVPs of "yes, we're coming," 4 are my friends (well, actually 3 and a date I asked to not be invited. They invited him anyways), 3 are from FI's side, and the rest are friends of my parents. Now, they want access to the RSVP list - no, sir. I will tell you when the final headcount is in, but I am NOT about to let you know how many have RSVPed, for fear that you will take that as a sign that you have room for 75 more people to invite.
So yes, it does happen. Yes, it is stressful, and no, there's not really anything we can do about it at this point. I'm just trying to tell myself "More older people=more presents." Bratty, I know, but it's the only way I can consol myself that 70% of the guest list will be my parents' 70 closest friends. They have definitely been holding it over my head that they should be able to invite all these people I don't know because they're paying for it. Also, they use the excuse that because it's in my hometown, it would be uncomfortable for them to NOT invite everyone we know. So instead, my "small wedding" has turned into a big wedding full of strangers, as I cut my friends to keep the list small.
I told my parents from the get-go (uh, last month...), "We've put together our [tentative] guest list, and we left 10 spots for you to invite your friends. Our budget is for 200 heads, so you and J's parents each get 10 of those - non relatives, of course."
Dad was like, "Well, if we come up with other people to invite, we'll just pay the extra for the caterer."
I told him that was fine, as long as he informed me BEFORE I picked a reception site, since 200 is something of a magic number in Reception Hall Land, and his fifty favorite friends might push me into new territory. :)
He seemed pretty receptive to being reasonable (and mom will listen to him) once he understood clearly what and why his numbers were. And when I needed to know by. Hopefully no "In-Law-zilla" moments to come, hehe. That's what J calls them whenever we talk about wedding stuff, because he's convinced they're going to snap any day now. :)
Oh god, my parents gave me a list of 30 friends - and we only have space for 180 people max!! I am so pissed! What's worse than me not knowing these people is that they are parents of some of my elementary school friends I don't talk to anymore. And I know my parents are only inviting them to show off how lavish the wedding is - not to celebrate my day. I really hope they don't come!!
My sister is getting married 6 months before me adn she's not nearly as assertive as me. So when she was planning her wedding first, all my parents friends got save the dates so now I HAVE to invite them too there's no negotiating!! Ugh!
Here's the thing with me. If you wanna invite your friends to the wedding, you can pay for them too. I'm on a budget, and in no way am I inviting people, and paying for them when I don't speak to them, or even know them for that matter.
Luckily, my parents haven't done this......yet.
Well, we have an issue now. We originally thought we would have no more than 150 people invited for our Sept 2010 wedding so we told both sets of parents they could invite 50 people and then FI and I would be able to invite 50 people. Well, now we are looking at 125 people, max, due to cost and venue (I'd rather have a nicer venue/food/etc than more people). So, we have some issues as far as like FMIL has quite a few siblings (she is 1 of 7) and my father is 1 of 6 kids. Well, FMIL's sibling each have quite a few kids too. This is going to get sticky...
Bella Luna- I don't know if this is an option for you, but maybe you could ask your parents to not invite thier friends/families kids that are young.
My Faince and I are trying to have a small wedding, and we have lots of family. 64 people all together. So we are not inviting children 12 and under unless that family is from out of state or a far away town. You could explore this option too.
my parents also had a hard time with having to restrict the amount of friends they could invite. It def helped that our reception venue can only hold 200 people max, so they had to make some choices. Before we had the venue they were trying to invite some many people that my FI and I couldn't even fit our friends on our wedding list.
My groom's side of the family had twice as many guests as my side, partially becuase of the size of thier family and partially because of how many friends his mom wanted there. In the end, it all worked out, but it did cause a good amount of stress as I worried about whether or not everyone would fit in the venue. What I should have done initially is given his mom a number to work with (like 10 or 20) and made exceptions as we figured out who was coming or not coming.
We're not. My FSIL invited almost 300 to her wedding, after their parent's request. Only about half of them showed. We haven't talked about our guest list, but it will probably be similar.
The way I see it, they're the ones paying for all the food, and if they want to feed their friends, they can. I guess it also helps that we know most of the people. lol.
I don't know what I would have done if I'd had to deal with parents wanting to invite a bazillion friends... elope probably! We're very fortunate that there are only 2 or 3 couples of friends on each side, and their ones we both have known growing up.
It's very traditional for parents to invite their friends. It's part of how parents help their children become more involved and connected to the adult world.
My friend was ticked when her parents took over around 30% of the guest list.
But when the governor and several other hugely influential people showed up to the wedding, she and DH understood why her parents invited them - they just wanted to help my friend and her new lawyer DH to get a leg up on having a happy and successful life from the beginning.
Yeah, I've always heard that 1/3 is hosting parent's friends, 1/3 is fiance's family and friends, 1/3 is bride's family and friends. Of course this assumes one pair of parents is paying which may not be the case.
Mi Fi and I have run into this problem as well. My parents are divorced. My mom has been very reasonable and invited only her best friend. His parents also have only invited a couple friends. My Dad and step mom sent me a list with over 80 friends!!!! 80!! That makes their list 130 people to a 200 person wedding!!! We are in a battle right now. I dont understand how they can possibly argue with me about this. I hadnt had any drama at all up until this point. Its sooooo stressful! And whats worse is they are trying to make me feel bad! I even offered to send the extra people announcements (on my dime). They arent sponsering the wedding either.
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There are so many wedding-related issues that I get quite an education on here at Weddingbee. One of the things I've been surprised by is parents inviting their friends to your wedding.
I understand that this is an occasion to celebrate -- not only for the couple, but for the family at large -- and that if there are close family friends who know (or have known) the bride or the groom it makes perfect sense to include them in the celebration.
But I just don't get parents who stress their children out by insisting on inviting so many people that it gobbles up 25-50% of the overall guest list. Particularly when the bride and groom don't even know these people! I don't care if the parents are helping to pay for the wedding or not. Their financial contribution should be a heartfelt gift to their children and not an exchange for a certain number of tickets to the show.
Fortunately we haven't really experienced this ourselves (FI's dad has invited 10 guests but we cut him off at 10). Still I get so irritated when I read this from other brides and I really feel for them.
Anyone else getting riled up?