Parents inviting their friends

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Trinity Lutheran Church & Idlewild Country Club

My parents are inviting a lot of guests. I just kin of shrug it off because they’re paying for a lot of it so if they wantsome frineds there than okay. Luckily most of them have had something to do with my life. Theres a few people (4) more parents are inviting that I don’t really know, but they’re insisting so I’m just gonna go with it.

FI’s parents aren’t inviting ayone though, so I think it evens out.

Post # 4
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Omg, this has happened to me and I was so pissed!  My fiance and I sat down with our parents on separate occasions and discussed who to invite and who we can skip.  So, we send out the save-the-dat’s and months later my fiance’s Mother mentions, in passing, that she’d like to invite her BEST friend.  My fiance barely know’s her, I’ve never met her and therefore I was like NO!  But I didn’t say a word until my fiance and I were alone.  He kinda doesn’t want to rock the boat but if we say yes then the flood gates will open and I’m not having it.  Now, if it was just one friend I’d be fine but deep down I’m a lil resentful anyway because my family is paying for a large majority of the wedding yet the guests are mostly his- they don’t need anymore!  I do!  How mature did that sound?  But it does really upset me, I wish I still had a large family to, ya know?

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Omg, this has happened to me and I was so pissed!  My fiance and I sat down with our parents on separate occasions and discussed who to invite and who we can skip.  So, we send out the save-the-dat’s and months later my fiance’s Mother mentions, in passing, that she’d like to invite her BEST friend.  My fiance barely know’s her, I’ve never met her and therefore I was like NO!  But I didn’t say a word until my fiance and I were alone.  He kinda doesn’t want to rock the boat but if we say yes then the flood gates will open and I’m not having it.  Now, if it was just one friend I’d be fine but deep down I’m a lil resentful anyway because my family is paying for a large majority of the wedding yet the guests are mostly his- they don’t need anymore!  I do!  How mature did that sound?  But it does really upset me, I wish I still had a large family to, ya know?

Post # 6
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My Fi and his dad actually just got into an argument about this last week!!!  Fi turned groomzilla!! His dad insisted that we invite “so and so” and FI said “No, no one else will be added, we want it small!”  So Fi’s dad got mad and hung up, they yet have to talk and apologize to each other!! Men hold more grudges than women!  So in the end…we sent those “so & so” STDs!! 

Post # 7
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp

YES.

Mr. BC’s step mom insisted on inviting about 10 of her “closest” friends.

Most of them couldn’t make it (even though they live in town!!), but those who apparently ARE coming haven’t even RSVP’d!!

VERY VERY frustrating.

Post # 8
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I just found out my mom has quietly been inviting a few friends that were originally not on the list. I’m not going to worry about it, with the regrets we’ve gotten, there is room for her friends…i’m not close to her friends by any means, I know who they are and if she wants them there it’s fine. I guess it’s not that big of a deal…it’s probably less than 10 people total…but I’m sure if it was taking up much more of our guest list, I may be upset.

Post # 9
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

we have sort of run into this problem. We aren’t getting married until June 2010 but we established a guideline early on that each set of parents were allowed to invite 7 couples (friends) to the wedding. My sister did this at her wedding 3 years ago and it worked out well. 

I guess I’m assuming my FI’s family will abide by the rules but everytime we mention the wedding my FMIL mentions that she has some more people she wants to add to the list but then says we’ll see. I know she is saying that because she doesn’t want a full blown discussion on the whim but I also think she knows I will put my foot down to it. 

I understand the parents want their friends there to celebrate but, there is no way that I am saying ok to people that I have never met.  That means if those that attended didn’t know me they would be congratulating my FI and I the day of and introducing themselves all at the same time. Not going to happen. There are rules and guidelines for a reason.

Post # 10
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly, I would say about half of my side of the guest list IS my parents friends. But that’s because I know all of them, and they all helped raise me in some fashion. My extended family isn’t very close, and it’s very, very small, so my parents friends and their kids became my friends and family, and I cannot imagine my wedding without them!

Post # 11
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

FH and I just made a rough draft of our guest list.  We’re funding the entire wedding ourselves, but we made a small space (about 8-10 guests ) for my mom to invite close friends who have made an impact on my life as well.  I’m choosing which friends, and they are all in the same circle, and they’re people I’ve met dozens of times.  FH’s parents don’t seem to care much, but all the same, I thought he should ask them.

I guess I don’t really have the frustrating problem that others have though.  I think if friends of parents are going to be invited, they should be people that either the bride or the groom know pretty well. Also, I think that if the parents are paying for the wedding, they definitely should get input on the wedding.  If YOU are paying for the wedding, there’s no way it’s fair for them to assume they can invite whoever they want.

Post # 12
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Haha – funny you should ask this!

I am one of those brides who are dealing with a BAZILLION parents’ friends, thanks to giving them the invitations and envelopes to address for me. They took it upon themselves to take the 20 “extra” invites and invite our neighborhood and whoever else they could think up, in addition to scarfing up about 30 of the FI’s invitations for his side, because he didn’t get his addresses in to them as soon as I did.

So what this looks like: Out of the current 35 RSVPs of “yes, we’re coming,” 4 are my friends (well, actually 3 and a date I asked to not be invited. They invited him anyways), 3 are from FI’s side, and the rest are friends of my parents. Now, they want access to the RSVP list – no, sir. I will tell you when the final headcount is in, but I am NOT about to let you know how many have RSVPed, for fear that you will take that as a sign that you have room for 75 more people to invite.

So yes, it does happen. Yes, it is stressful, and no, there’s not really anything we can do about it at this point. I’m just trying to tell myself “More older people=more presents.” Bratty, I know, but it’s the only way I can consol myself that 70% of the guest list will be my parents’ 70 closest friends. They have definitely been holding it over my head that they should be able to invite all these people I don’t know because they’re paying for it. Also, they use the excuse that because it’s in my hometown, it would be uncomfortable for them to NOT invite everyone we know. So instead, my “small wedding” has turned into a big wedding full of strangers, as I cut my friends to keep the list small.

Post # 13
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I told my parents from the get-go (uh, last month…), “We’ve put together our [tentative] guest list, and we left 10 spots for you to invite your friends. Our budget is for 200 heads, so you and J’s parents each get 10 of those – non relatives, of course.”

Dad was like, “Well, if we come up with other people to invite, we’ll just pay the extra for the caterer.”

I told him that was fine, as long as he informed me BEFORE I picked a reception site, since 200 is something of a magic number in Reception Hall Land, and his fifty favorite friends might push me into new territory. 🙂

He seemed pretty receptive to being reasonable (and mom will listen to him) once he understood clearly what and why his numbers were. And when I needed to know by. Hopefully no “In-Law-zilla” moments to come, hehe. That’s what J calls them whenever we talk about wedding stuff, because he’s convinced they’re going to snap any day now. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh god, my parents gave me a list of 30 friends – and we only have space for 180 people max!! I am so pissed! What’s worse than me not knowing these people is that they are parents of some of my elementary school friends I don’t talk to anymore. And I know my parents are only inviting them to show off how lavish the wedding is – not to celebrate my day. I really hope they don’t come!!

My sister is getting married 6 months before me adn she’s not nearly as assertive as me. So when she was planning her wedding first, all my parents friends got save the dates so now I HAVE to invite them too there’s no negotiating!! Ugh!

Post # 15
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Here’s the thing with me. If you wanna invite your friends to the wedding, you can pay for them too. I’m on a budget, and in no way am I inviting people, and paying for them when I don’t speak to them, or even know them for that matter.

Luckily, my parents haven’t done this……yet.

Post # 16
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well, we have an issue now. We originally thought we would have no more than 150 people invited for our Sept 2010 wedding so we told both sets of parents they could invite 50 people and then FI and I would be able to invite 50 people. Well, now we are looking at 125 people, max, due to cost and venue (I’d rather have a nicer venue/food/etc than more people). So, we have some issues as far as like FMIL has quite a few siblings (she is 1 of 7) and my father is 1 of 6 kids. Well, FMIL’s sibling each have quite a few kids too. This is going to get sticky…

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