Weddingbee boards

Although it's my wedding, dealing with my feuding parents is probably the biggest stress.  My parents have been married for almost 30 years, and most of those years, my mother's deeply resented my dad's side of the family and him because of it.  I barely know them, but from what I've been told, they were very controlling of my father after he got married (partially are to this day), my grandma always got her way, even getting my father away by faking sick on my parents' wedding anniversary.  My dad's siblings would try to meddle in their finances. My mom was never right and in issues with my dad's family, he'd never take her side.  My dad's mom even managed to insult my maternal grandmother behind her back during a family event, and did a lot of other things that my mom cannot forgive.  My father never heard my mom out with these problems and thought she was the problem.  How they stayed married, still beats me. My parents immigrated over from Europe (that is how they managed to stay married, moved away) and this whole bit quieted down.  I never really got to know these people, but I don't really resent anyone for it.  Things are how they are and hopefully my relations with my future husband's family willl be better.

BUT, my wedding day is coming and my father wants to invite his side of the family, who would have to stay in our house.   My mother's going ballistic, threatened to move out (which is a pretty valid threat), my father's said some hurtful things to her, and at the same time he's asking for the wedding invites that my fiance and I are going to print. 

I am stuck in a bad place here, and just dont' really know what to do.  I don't know if I should speak to my father about his attitude, trying to hear my mom out, I have no way of getting my mom to see past her anger.

 What would you do???

One more detail to add to this drama, my father said this about him and his family to my mom "if we are not good enough to be at the wedding, we won't be there" wtf??? Any input on this mess from anyone would be helpfu.

That is a tough situation!  The thoughts that popped into my head were that if that side of the family treated your mom like crap on other special occasions, what would they do on yours?  I think that if they have not really been close family members then why worry about it if it is giving you so much stress.  Send them a DVD of the Wedding.  I think your dad and his family are being a little childish, it is your wedding, it is about you and your FI's love and beginning a new life, not getting caught up in others pasts and feuds.  If your mom has been there for you and you support her, show her.  Just make sure to talk with your dad, tell him you want him there, but there is no need for extra stress and family fueds on this special occasion. 

Or talk to the fathers family tell them there is to be no fighting, and ask them to stay in a hotel.

I hope I gave you something to think about, and I hope it all works out!  Good luck!  I have a kind of similar situation because my bf (waiting on the ring)  family does not want us together because I am not catholic.  They may not even come to the wedding.  Let me know what works!

I'm so touched to receive your support:)  Thanks a lot! Your comments made me feel better and gave me ideas on how to deal with this issue.  My head was spinning before. For the time being, mom and dad are trying to resolve this somehow together. I'm keeping my mom's best interests in mind, and obviously, that of the wedding. I'll give an update once some of this mess is resolved.