(Closed) Need Help!!!! Parents issues – problems with dad’s family

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
38 posts
Newbee

That is a tough situation!  The thoughts that popped into my head were that if that side of the family treated your mom like crap on other special occasions, what would they do on yours?  I think that if they have not really been close family members then why worry about it if it is giving you so much stress.  Send them a DVD of the Wedding.  I think your dad and his family are being a little childish, it is your wedding, it is about you and your FI’s love and beginning a new life, not getting caught up in others pasts and feuds.  If your mom has been there for you and you support her, show her.  Just make sure to talk with your dad, tell him you want him there, but there is no need for extra stress and family fueds on this special occasion. 

Or talk to the fathers family tell them there is to be no fighting, and ask them to stay in a hotel.

I hope I gave you something to think about, and I hope it all works out!  Good luck!  I have a kind of similar situation because my bf (waiting on the ring)  family does not want us together because I am not catholic.  They may not even come to the wedding.  Let me know what works!

Post # 5
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

whoa…hugs!!!!

you mention that your dad’s family primarily lives out of the country.  What are the chances that most of the people will even come?  especially if you dont know them…they may just be courtesy invites.

hmmm…do you live with your parents?  when you say that the OOT guests will be staying at your house, do you mean your house or your mom + dad’s house?  because if i were your mom id be at a hotel too…if they plan to stay at your house, tell your dad that some of your BMs will be staying and there is no room.

curious that your dad does not identify you + your mom as his family…I would not get in the middle though.  there’s clearly a lot of history to this story.  can you have a private talk with your dad and explain your feelings…that you dont really know these people and dont want them at the wedding if they are going to be disrespectful to your mother?

Post # 6
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

It is your and your FHs wedding, and they are your guests.  So don’t give him any invites!!  This is just another way to subvert your authority to invite who you want!  Plus by giving in, you are definitely choosing his side.  I would explain that you aren’t comfortable inviting a bunch of people who are going to insult your mother.  That’s just not acceptable to you!  Tell him you aren’t just another battle in this war, and neither is your wedding.  If they want to duel it out, he’ll have to leave you out of it.  You love them both, and that means making sure that your mom is happy on your wedding day too.  It’s hard to “parent” your parent, but sometimes they just act so childish!!  Stand up for yourself, you’re setting a precedent now that will echo with each child you have, etc.

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Please do,  I’m so mad for you and your mom, now.  I agree, that if it comes to blows,  they shouldn’t be invited.  Your dad has srewed up a bunch of stuff.  He needs to stick up for your mom.  He and his family need to apologize, at the least, if they are going to be invited.  And really if your dad is not going to come to your wedding over this, and being manipulated by people in another country, he’s in bad shape.  H e can’t defend your mom to his family.  And he can’t even stand up for what’s important to you, his daughter???

As for your mom’s anger, I don’teve nknow if ther is much to address.  I would be upset too.  I could see wanting her to bend if these problems haven’t happened in years.  But it sounds like from your dad’s behavior, that things are still as hot as ever.

Good luck.

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