Post # 1
So my mother has been Hounding me about when they are going to meet my FIs parents and I’m not sure how to go about it. I’ve read some things that say a neutral territory is best, but we don’t live together yet. My mom wants to do it at our house but I don’t know if they would be uncomfortable with that.
What does the hive think? What did you all do?
Post # 3
Just had a similar situation, we took them out to a fun Japanese/Korean BBQ restaurant that we love. It was good, because no one was in "enemy territory" LOL
Post # 4
I wouldn’t put pressure on either set of parents to host the others. It puts a lot of presure on trying to impress and make sure everything is perfect. The only problem I forsee with a restaurant is when the bills comes and both sets of parents trying to pay the entire thing and going back and forth on that. I guess that’s something to figure out before hand by telling FI’s parents that your parents would like to take them out to dinner. No bill fighting there.
Post # 5
is there something interactive that everyone could do together? when the families met we all went to a brewery tour. gave everyone something easy to talk to and some booze to drink. win win! otherwise a teppan grill or korean bbq would be good. lots going on to focus on besides each other.
Post # 6
my FI and I have been together for 4 years and have lived in 3 different countries (3 different continents) since we met. My mom met his parents 4 years ago when they were all visiting us in South Africa about 3 months after we met… my little brother was in high school still, so my Dad stayed hom. So, our parents have sort of met… did I mention that his parents live in London and mine in MI and we are in DC?
Anyway, we’re planning on having them all come to DC in December for a few days to get to know each other, so that they don’t meet next summer at our wedding… which would be really stressful for us.
But good luck… I would just say, to be open to whatever your parents & your FI parents are most comfortable. If your parents want to host a dinner at your house- do that, but if neither is really adament about hosting the event, I think going to you & your fi’s favorite restaurant would be a great suggestion.
Post # 7
Ok since the overwhelming majority of the hive voted for restaurant, I ran it by my mother… BUT of course she was like "I think it will be awkward walking into a restaurant and meeting them for the first time, maybe we can meet at your place first and then go."
UM my apartment is TINY, not to mention a complete disastrous mess because my FI has essentially moved in with me and the place really doesn’t have enough storage for both of our things. So basically there are just clothes, CDs, DVDs, etc. strewn about everywhere, and to clean it up in pristine parent-ready condition would probably take an entire weekend. I don’t even have enough seating for 6 people!
Post # 8
If your mom wants to invite them over then I thinks thats the best place to do it. It avoids the "who pays?" question at the restaurant and your mom clearly wants to host them.
Post # 9
We hosted it at our house and it was a distasterous mess. Long story. I would still have it at a restaurant. Maybe a smaller one? Do what feels right to you, not really what your mom is pushing you to do.
Post # 10
My parents, his parents, fiance and I all had an early evening dinner at a casual restaurant that was easy for both of our parents.
It went sooo well and I wouldn’t change it for anything!
Post # 11
Oy! The thing that’s killing me is that initially I wasn’t even thinking about it being awkward because I really do think that the parents will get along swimmingly, but now my mom is stressing me out about it and I’m playing out disastrous scenarios in my head. I hate it when my mom’s neuroses get transferred on to me…
I think I have to get my FI to press his mom for info on what they would like to do.
Post # 12
Our parents just met for the first time a week ago, and we had dinner at a restaurant that FI and I love (Thai food, YUMMY). FI pretended to go to the restroom towards the end of dinner and sneakily paid the bill (so our parents wouldn’t argue about who pays). Their first meeting went really well and I’m happy for the way it turned out. I think a restaurant is a nice, neutral place for their first meeting. Also, no one has to frantically clean their house and stress about making food and hosting a dinner party. This way, everyone was more relaxed and able to enjoy each others’ company.
Post # 13
Our parents met at a restaurant. He arrived with his parents, then I arrived with mine (just how the traffic worked out). It was a nice, quiet restaurant, so there was no shouting to hear each other (a big pet peeve for the dads!); it was a round table so everyone was equally spaced out. We told our parents beforehand that WE were taking them out to dinner. They were all nervous before the dinner (especially the dads who both got new outfits!) but got along swimmingly – dinner was a success.
Meeting at an apartment beforehand just seems like added stress! You’ll have to clean; have wine/beverages ready to serve… then, what, hang out for half an hour before having a 2 hour dinner?
Your mom just sounds really nervous, which is cute, because that means she wants to make a good impression. Maybe try to calm her nerves by telling her that your fiance’s mom is also nervous, but that everyone should relax as it’ll be a casual and comfortable dinner/restaurant.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Restaurants are easiest. That’s what they mean by neutral territory: your house/his house/your parents’ house/his parents’ house all give someone the upper hand. A restaurant (preferably with a cuisine that isn’t going to surprise anybody) is the safest route if you think there will be any awkwardness or anything uncomfortable ;).
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception
Neutral territory is best.
Post # 16
See I totally agree with the neutral territory thing! Maybe I’ll just tell my mom to come a little early and get a glass of wine in her so she calms herself down