Post # 1
I know this might sound petty, but It is really getting on my nerves lately and I know you lovely bees might have some help / ideas.
I am the youngest of 7 children, all of whom (except me) are married with children and homes. My father and step mother have supported everyones weddings so far. 2 of my brothers eloped, one had a very small destination wedding. My oldest sister had a large wedding in our home town and most recently my sister closest to my age had a HUGE black tie affair wedding in Chicago which I know for a FACT my father contributed at least $14k to. Our wedding is small, neither of our parents offered to contribute anything up front so we just kind of assumed that they would help out here an there if they could but that we would not be relying on them for anything.
In a recent phone conversation wtih my step mother she baulked at me making my own dress to save money and stated that she “would have purchased any dress I wanted as a wedding gift if I had just asked” I didn’t quite believe it, but I thanked her and said that I was sure there was something else they could help us out with as we are in the very beginning of planning. I told her that I was working on invitations and asked if she was willing to run to the craft store near her house and mail me a few things that I can’t get in town (2 stamp pads, some embroidery floss, and a few yards of blue ribbon) She said she would love to and that I can transfer the money in to her checking account to pay for the things and postage…… REALLY!?
So she is willing to purchase a 2k wedding dress but NOT $10 worth of stamps and ribbon?! You spent 14K on my sister and aren’t even willing to help me with invites!?
okay, so I didn’t confront her about it at the time becuase I was a little grumpy so I left it and figured I would just get over it. Guess what, I haven’t. So here is my question to those bees who are getting help from their parents with thier wedding, Did you parents just offer to pay? Did you have to ask them? My parents are several thousand miles away so I can’t exactly sit down and talk about our budget with them.
Post # 3
Hopefully she was joking about the stamp pads.Geez…I can’t offer any advice about how to discuss finances with your patents.Why don’t you ask your siblings how they went about it with your parents?Good luck!
Post # 4
im can sympathize with being one in a big family. my first wedding parents and elder siblings paid for things because they used my wedding to get their dream wedding done….
can you skype with ur dad. i dont know the relation ship u have with ur step mother but i would go for my dad–daddy’s little girl.
i would try to call or email or use smoke signals or something to ur father and if u need help paying for ur wedding just ask him. he may have a fund saved for ur wedding since he help with everyone elses..
Post # 5
I just sat down with my parents when we started planning and asked if they thought they would be able to contribute and they said yes and gave me the dollar amount to work with. But I have a very open relationship with my parents so i never felt like i couldnt just come out and ask them. I know it might be seen as rude to ask, but that’s not the relationship i have with them. Just ask-they worst they can say is No.
I’m not sure about your relationship with your parents but it sounds like you might need to have a conversation with them. Or ask your sisters how they brought it up to them. Cause if you just expect them to start picking up the bills here and there, they might not be okay with that. So if it was me i would just ask. Plus that way you know what they can help with and then you arent worried that they have money to your sisters and not you. That creates stress that you dont need!
Post # 6
I’d ask your siblings how it all went down with them – I would don’t ask my parents outright. Then maybe they can do the scoping out for you rather than you doing it.
However, I’m in the boat of paying for your own wedding without the help of anyone.
Post # 7
@sienna76: We are totally planning to pay for our own wedding, we have enough money saved up for the majority of it and are continuing to save, and becuase we are having a smaller wedding it should be too hard to do on our own, I was just put off by the two comments being so close together.
My father works out of the country alot and is hard to get ahold of, but I am going to talk to my sister in the mean time and try to get a hold of him when he is back. It is so difficult being so far away from everyone. My step mother took my sisters to a bridal salon and wrote a check for thier dresses, its not quite the same being thousands of miles away.