(Closed) Parents names on invites if not paying for wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You could always do:

 

Together with their families

Bride Name

&

Groom Name

invite you to…

Post # 4
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Excited To Bee:  both our sets of parents contributed but this is exactly what I did and would suggest for the op. 

Post # 5
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have one set of parents giving about 75% of the money, another set giving a smaller amount, and one giving a very small amount towards the rehearsal dinner. We appreciate them all equally.

We chose to do “Together with their families, Nicole Avery & Matthew Polk…”

Post # 6
Hostess
13662 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The above suggestions are good. If you’re heartset on having the names, you could also do…

Bride

and

Groom

together with their parents,

Mr. and Mrs. Bride

and Mr. and Mrs. Groom,

invite you to…

Post # 7
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mrs_brownie:  FI and I are paying for our wedding and our parents have chipped in by getting us some items we need (i.e., my parents payed for my dress). FI and I knew we wanted to honor our parents on our invites regardless if they pitched in more or none at all. My mom got pretty emotional when she saw her name and my dad’s name on the invite because she knows traditionally, it should be whoever is paying. FI and I aren’t traditional and we did what felt right to us.

It’s a personal choice so you can just add both sets of parents or to what the other bees have suggested.

Post # 8
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Excited To Bee:  I love this. I feel like even if they paid very little, but are very involved in the whole thing, to do this out of respect 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@msfuturea:  Same here.  We paid for about 90% of the wedding ourselves, but we wanted to honor our parents by including their names on the invitations.  They were really touched that we did.

Post # 10
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My parents are contributing about 25% of the budget and we are footing the rest of the bill, FI’s family is not in the financial position to contribute and we are ok with that.  We have a long time before invites but plan on putting

Together with their parents

Bride

and

Groom

blah

blah

blah

Post # 11
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hosting doesn’t (always) = Paying For

The host and hostess are responsible for making sure all the guests are comfortable.  They ensure that Aunt Gertrude won’t be exposed to any other guests she may find objectionable (because they know the guests and won’t invite objectionable folks!) and they make sure that Uncle Bob is quietly escorted to a cab when he gets tipsy and starts to cause a scene.

But money is never discussed in polite company, so it’s wrong to “assume” who is paying for a wedding (or ather event) based on the names listed as host & hostess.  In fact, it’s rude to speculate about the cost of the wedding or the sponsor at all.

If you’ve always imagined that your wedding invitations would be traditional, it isn’t wrong to word them traditionally “Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents/request the honor of your presence/at the wedding of /Bride Middle/to/Groom Middle/ son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents…” (with the “son of… ” being an optional way to clarify who your FI is and mentioning his parents.)

If you don’t have a strong opinion about traditional wording, (or proper hosting etiquette – since traditionally there should only be one hostess & possibly her husband, and an unmarried couple cannot co-host an event) then you may choose to word the invitation along the lines of:

Together with our parents/Mr. & Mrs. Bride’s Parents/and/Mr. & Mrs. Groom’s Parents/we/Bride Middle and Groom Middle/invite you……

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