Post # 1
Hello ladies (and a gentlemen or two),
My fiance and I have planned out our wedding and put down payments (if not paid for things in full) for our wedding this summer. I am from America and he is from England so we are having a wedding in America (Minnesota) then a reception back here in England.
My fiance’s mom went into hospital with a broken leg and the doctors think it’s bone cancer (she was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and beat it, well done her!!). Chances are the parents of my fiance he will not be able to attend our wedding in America.
I am so confused on what I should do-cancel the American wedding and just have one in England, make the England reception more like a wedding, or try to Skype our American wedding so they can watch.
Post # 3
Have you asked your Fi what his stance is?
I probably would never get married without my parents if I could help it. Maybe have two ceremonies, or postpone it until she has a firm answer and make a choice then.
This majorly sucks on all levels beyond the wedding. I hope she gets a positive report.
Post # 4
My FI wants to go ahead with the wedding in America, I’m just afraid it’s going to be mostly my family at the wedding and not his, it may seem a bit odd.
Post # 5
If FI is ok with it then I would go ahead with the wedding as planned. I would just Skype the wedding for his parents or have a separate small ceremony in England.
Post # 6
Thanks for your advice ladies. My FI and I had a chat and we threw all of our ideas in the air and decided to wait until next week-after his mom’s oncologist appointment-to make final arrangements. It’s kind of exciting getting to plan for two weddings, although I don’t think my finances are very happy with it 🙂
Post # 7
@MathTeacher: I think it would depend on how devastated your future MIL would be. Would she be OK with a reception/celebration party done in UK when she felt better and didn’t have to travel?
Are you religious at all? Could the UK one be a symbolic ceremony? Not sure how you’ll find a real officiant to marry you again legally? Or just make it a party?
My dad was not going to be able to make it to my wedding (he had esophageal cancer). We all knew this. My dad was not upset that he wouldn’t have made it, he was not in to weddings and was focusing on his illness. I did not want to move it to his state if he didn’t care about it. Later we ended up cancelling the wedding all together, but he was given 4-6 months to live (the wedding was in 5 months) so that was very hard to deal with. We are glad we did cancel it. He passed away a month before that wedding date.
However, I have a feeling your FMIL won’t be as lackadaisical as my dad was!
Post # 8
@MathTeacher: I’ve never like the idea of two “weddings” (a la we got married at the JOP but we’re having our “actual” wedding next year… no your wedding is the day you say actually get married. Sorry, pet peeve, I digress…).
But in this case, different countries, sick parents, etc do what you have to do. Skyping them in to witness is a great idea! And rather than have a vow renewal/add’l ceremony in his parents’ home country, can you simply have a reception to celebrate? Perhaps you can create a slide-show/video of the actual wedding????
Post # 9
Actually, my SO and I have the same (exact) issue that we’re talking through.
so fayh this is what we’ve come up with: Ceremony in America, with live stream for English mates/family. A reception (cocktail, smalimpending America.
we have to wait a year after marriage to travel abroad (as per the K-1/Change of Status route we’re taking), so in a year we’ll agave a second, smaller ceremony and we’re using it as a renewal of vows (this will help in the officiant issue, actually, followed by a HUGE party at his.
just suggestions from a fellow American girl with an English guy!
Post # 10
My fiance is Israeli and I am American. We tried so hard to put together a wedding that everybody could be a part of, but in the end it just wasn’t possible. After A LOT of frustration, we realized the best thing was to put on two weddings. Two ceremonies, two parties, the whole deal. Obviously within budget though.
It may not be the ideal situation, but there is only so much you do, and there is no way to be in two places at once. The second ceremony can still be exciting and fun, because for all of the people there, it’s the first time for them. Just enjoy that you get to celebrate twice! So long as your FMIL isn’t going to be heartbroken, I think it’s the way to go.
Post # 11
@JemmaWRX: I completely agree with your sentiments on two weddings. I think the day you say your vows and sign the papers will always be your wedding date. That’s the day you will celebrate every year. But you can still do it again for others, even if it’s not going to be “the date.”
Post # 12
Well, my future MIL was diagnosed with bone cancer last week. This mean’s my fiance’s mom and dad will not be able to attend the wedding. So we are planning a wedding in America for my family and old friends and a wedding back here in England for his family and our friends here. It’s stressful enough planning one wedding, but I feel exhausted planning two weddings.
Post # 13
@MathTeacher: We’re also from two different countries and having two weddings. None of FI’s family will make our American wedding for visa/work purposes… so this one will be a few mutual friends, and a WHOLE lotta my family and friends. Our first celebration was 80% his people, though. Such is life when you married a foreigner!
I think you should procede with the American wedding and Skype his folks in, if you can.
Post # 14
@MathTeacher: I’m really sorry, that’s awful news. Hope your FI is holding up too.
As for the two weddings, you could contact friends in England and get help with things? They could make the cakes or help with venue dressing, maybe one could volunteer a garden for a reception? It’s all little things but every little thing helps. There’s no rule that says both weddings have to be big – and if your FMIL is sick maybe a smaller occasion would be better for her too?
Best wishes for all of you x
Post # 15
so sorry to hear this news and hoping your FMIL will be ok.
your wedding is still a few months away,alot can change,and hopefully it will for the better.
if FI parents cant come,i would still go through with the wedding in the US since its almost paid and i would have a ceremony in with the reception were my FI parents live to.that way both familys can attend on both sides.
i hope your FI mom will be ok and pull through it all♥