parents offered $, Dad threw it in my face

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@Stace126:  >>This is how it’s always been with my dad. He is really generous and helpful one day, then bitter and ignorant the next.<<

Knowing this, I have no idea why you would accept money from him (them). A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots.

Post # 5
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ouch.  My parents can be funny about things as well.  When they offered money, I made it clear from the start the the agreement was for X dollars, that’s it, no further discussion of details.

Later, when I mentioned that the overall budget was about twice that (we’re paying for everything beyond the original amount), they had a minor meltdown.  I simply sent them my budget with line items (everything from the dress to undergarments, shoes, decor, hair, tips, etc), with a column header of “parents” or “Me” to show them the breakdown of every cost.  When they truly realized there was no additional cost for them, they were much more comfortable. 

So, maybe if you show your dad a clear breakdown he’ll be more comfortable.

Post # 6
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Stace126:  I’m not really sure what to say, other than I’m so sorry.  Wedding planning is stressful enough, and it sounds like your dad just took it to the next level.  

Hopefully he’s just feeling some stress as well and isn’t very good at handling it.  It’s not fair to you or your fiance, but hopefully that’s all it is.  

Based on a lot of things I’ve read on the Bee (and also noticed in real life), weddings can sometimes bring out the absolute worst in people.  In the end, though, most people come around and start acting like themselves again.  I sincerely hope that’s what happens for you.

Post # 7
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

Ugh, I feel ya. My honest thought is that he simply has no idea how much weddings for 200+ people cost, and thinks that the $6500-8500 he is paying “surely!” must pay for the whole shebang. My FIL pretty much shat himself when he learned that we (ourselves!) were paying $2500 for photography (a very good price in our area) – “Can’t you just give [irresponsible groomsman] a camera??? Back when we got married we were in our living room and she used her prom dress blah blah blah…” (they basically eloped in their own house, and I’ve never seen a wedding photo and I’m not sure there even are any)

I am a catty bitch when people argue with me about money, and I would have exclaimed “oh really, show me the receipts for the dress/venue because they must have charged both of us!” I’m sorry you are upset with your dad, hopefully it was just a bad mood day. :-/

Post # 8
1591 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel for you! I feel the same way sometimes with my dad. He wants to share his money and tells you not to worry, and if even the smallest thing sets him off, he starts acting like we’ve taken advantage of him. Hard to know the balance between the two.


As long as you know you’ve contributed, that’s all you can do right now, is keep your head up! Good for you and your fiance for doing so much of this together, you can look back on this years later and be proud you did so much of it on your own.

Post # 9
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013


sounds like my husband.i can totally see him this way if we are to pay for my daughters wedding,i know it will be stress and miscommunication in some things,unintentionally of course,but i also know it will be fine in a day or 2.some men just handle stress this way.

op,its just stress,try not to be upset your dad will come around 🙂

Post # 10
3156 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel your pain.  My Dad called me a brat because I wanted to make our guest list SMALLER.  I think you just let him know how much that hurt your feelings and try and move on.  Weddings can be a stressful time for everyone.  

Post # 11
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ugh, that sucks. I have a similar, although not nearly that extreme situation. FI’s parents were nice enough to give us about $2500 for the wedding a few months ago – it was unexpected and appreciated, and we tucked it into our wedding savings account. Fast forward to just a few weeks ago and I was complaining on FB about how expensive florists are. FMIL called him and said she was going to send us $500 to “cover the flowers”. I mean, that’s nice and all, but it’s obvious she just has no idea how much $$ weddings are – they told us when they gave us the original $2500 that’d it was “to cover the reception”. Which could cover A reception, sure, but not ours.


Sometimes people are mildly clueless about how much weddings costs nowadays. Your dad probably sees it as “I gave them 8k, that HAD to be enough for everything” whereas your mom has a much more realistic approach.

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