Post # 1
For anyone whose parents (or other family members) are paying for their wedding:
Did your parents (or whoever is paying) come along with you to the vendor meetings? My parents want to come (fiance’s parents don’t), and I don’t mind them coming but my fiance really doesn’t want them to come. He wants the meetings to be between us and the vendor. I feel that if we are using their money, though, they should know where their money is going! Also, I feel more comfortable making decisions on pricey items if they’re there.
What do you think?
Post # 3
Maybe as a compromise, you and your fiance could go to the meeting, but your parents could set up a phone call interview to meet the vendor OR schedule a meeting after you’ve booked them?
My mom spoke with our DJ on the phone before we (my fiance and I) met with her. She came with me (without my fiance) to visit venues, and she will come with us to meet florists – she did not come to our DJ meetings or our officiant meetings.
Post # 4
My parents are paying for our wedding and they are coming to as many vendor meetings as possible. My FI and I are the ones doing the leg work (finding vendors, getting information) and then my parents are involved in the decision. We scoped out the reception sites and then brought my parents to the top 2 we liked and went from there.
I’m with you, the pricey the item, the more I’d rather have their decision since it’s their money. The only time that is going to be difficult is when opinions vary (between you and your FI and then your parents)! Hopefully that won’t happen TOO much
Post # 5
My mom came with me to the florist, and my parents came to all the meetings with the venue. But that was it. What we did was work out budgets for each vendor. If we went over the budget, we paid for the difference ourselves. It worked out really well for us.
Post # 6
It probably depends on your parents. In the end, I found it was best to talk to vendors first and then have them meet afterward. I let the vendors know my parents were paying and would sign final contracts up front though. I found that with them, it was sometimes hard to feel free to figure out what I wanted. They came to a few with me, but I’ve more or less only ended up with vendors I met first myself.
I also agree with the idea of being willing to pay for extras that are overbudget yourself. That helped as well.
Post # 7
I’m going next weekend to meet with caterers with my FI, planner, and my mom (MAYBE dad). Personally I wouldn’t want to go without my mom since my parents are paying for the wedding. My FI doesn’t care, though, and likes to get to spend time with my parents because they don’t know each other that well. Also, my mom always tends to think of questions that wouldn’t occur to me or would slip my mind, so she’s good to have around. If your FI isn’t comfortable with it, though, then it’s a different story. If your vendors are nearby (mine aren’t) it would be easy enough to do a separate trip with your parents after you go with your FI. Just definitely know your budget beforehand so you don’t end up falling in love with something and having your parents veto it later.
Post # 8
My mom went with us to our reception place b/c that was the part my parents offered to pay for. Though she wanted me to go with a different venue, she let us choose what was best for us. In the end, we met with everyone else on our own since we were the ones paying for that stuff. My mom came with me on occasion mainly b/c sometimes the hubby didn’t want to.
Post # 9
If it’s important for your parents to go to vendor meetings, then your FI might have to deal with it if they are paying. I understand where he’s coming from, but if they are paying they have a right to know where their money is going!
My parents only came to one vendor meeting with us, the catering tasting. That’s the main aspect of the wedding they’re paying for.
Post # 10
I can totally see where your fiance is coming from. He’s probably nervous that either set of parents will oppose to something you guys want and cause problems, which happens sometimes, but most of the time, it works out just fine.
Both sets of parents are contributing financially with the wedding, and my mom and fiance’s mom came to all our vendor meetings with us. They’re great, though. For the most part, they just say, "whatever you guys want."
If your parents are paying, they really should be invited to the vendor meetings for all the reasons you listed. Maybe before the meetings, invite both parents over for a dinner and talk about what you’re all thinking and hash out any differences over ideas before the meetings. That might make your fiance feel better.
Post # 11
THis has been a big source of stress for me. When I decided to let my Dad pay for the majority of the wedding, I feel like I gave up control. This has been very touch and go, up to today where we are 2 weeks out. I think he is really having sticker shock with final payments due now and has decided to ask us to pay for half of a few things. I did NOT budget for this and now I am freaking out. I cannot say no, but just wished that we were more independant throughout all of this. I know its going to be wonderful, but my advice to others that unless they spell out how much, or exactly what they will pay for, try to do as much as you can on your own.
Post # 12
It was also my DH who cared more than I did about us making the decisions/meeting with vendors. I was so busy at work I could have cared less. Anything DH was willing to relinquish control on I was all for. I made sure my parents went with us to the reception site meetings so we could make a quick decision and firm up our date. My parents also chose the menu which I was VERY thankful for.
Post # 13
My parents paid for the whole wedding and nobody came to vendor meetings but us. Main reason – they lived far away. they probably wouldn’t have wanted to anyways.
Post # 14
i wish my parents wanted to come to more of seeing and picking out things, and they aren’t paying.
Post # 15
I had a “dad-zilla” who ended up coming to a lot of the initial vendor meetings. Since he was paying for the wedding, he just wanted to get a chance to know who the vendors were and get a sense of how the money was being spent. I am glad he did not go to the meetings with the vendors later on when we were discussing the nitty gritty details (hydrangeas or orchids? ivory satin napkins or champagne sateen napkins?). I was so overwhelmed with the tiny details and decisions that it would have felt like ‘too many cooks in the kitchen’ if my parents were there to offer up their opinions on those details.
So if you can compromise, let your parents go to the initial meetings with the vendors, but save your sanity and leave them at home for the follow up meetings.
Post # 16
We’ve only just started on the planning, but FI and I plan on checking everything out on our own, and then involving my parents for contract/negotiating parts. We want to decide what we want just between the two of us and present a united front to my parents. My parents are pretty laid-back and easy to work with, I just want to avoid a situation where it’s 3 against 1.