(Closed) Parents say i should never get married…. help/advise please !

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
211 posts
Helper bee

Ahhh….I’m sorry your in that situation!  Everyone wants their parents to be happy for them when they get engaged/married.  Try to understand in her strange way your mom probably thinks she has your best interest at heart.  That being said, it is your life.  If you have found a wonderful SO wo you love with all your heart (and vice versa) and who wants to marry you just the way you are, don’t let your parents comments ruin that.  I am happy that your are happy, and I am sorry your mom doesn’t feel the same way.

Post # 4
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

People with physical disabilities get married all the time. If she is worried about you losing your assistance, then this is something to be discussed with your FH PRIOR to having that conversation with your parents. You will want to be sure he understands the limits and the availabity (or lack there of) of assistance to those who are married. I do think she is really just concerned for your level of care and level of assistance if marriage were to take place. Have you had a heart to heart with her? Expressed to her that the negative comments she makes brings you down and gives you no hope for your future with a husband?

 

Post # 5
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry that your mom is being negative and pushing that attitude off onto you. I am sure her reasons regarding government assistance, etc are valid but that is obviously something that you and your fiance/boyfriend would need to discuss prior to getting married. If he is on board with everything (medically, financially, emotionally) that comes along with you and coping with your medical issues and illness – then he is definitely the right guy. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I think that you and your SO should probably focus on the idea that you two will pay for the wedding and make sure it’s what you both want. You deserve to be happy just as much as the next person and having medical issues doesn’t have to hold back your whole life. If your family doesn’t want to support you in the decision to get married and doesn’t come around to the idea once you are engaged…then there is always the idea of eloping! Wink

Post # 6
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow. I’m so sorry your mom is acting this way. I guess she probably means it out of love, and is concerned for your future, but still. I would say you shoudl sit her downand tell her how much her attitude is hurting you, but I suspect it wouldn’t change anything. Not if this is a woman that’s talked about dissolving her own marriage for insurance purposes… (I know things are hard in some countries, but wtf… I don’t even.)

I think the important thing is to surround yourself with family members and friends that are excited and happy for you, and just try and tune your mom out.

Congratulations on your engagement! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

 

Post # 7
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Some people are just more inclined to negativity. It sounds like your mom is this type and thankfully you are not!! Try your best to overcome your mother’s dreary outlook and live your life how you want it! That is the best thing you can do for yourself and your FI. I have several friends and an ex who successfully escaped negative, judgemental and/or controlling parents They have come so far and it sounds like you will too. I’m sure you love her and I’m sure there are good things about her that you love, but try to distance yourself from that kind of attitude. 

Best of luck to you!

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