Parents split 4 1/2 months before my wedding **UPDATE**

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This is really, really awful. I am so sorry this is happening. Please, do not let this man ruin your wedding. If you cannot ask him not to walk you down the aisle, fine. Ask your photogrpaher/videographer to avoid taking any pics of him, except down the aisle. You can do that! You could also ask for him to be edited out of pics if he is in them. I am so glad that I only had people that there is a mutual love and understanding with at the wedding. You should be able to enjoy your day. You may end up being so busy and happy at the wedding that you will forget about him.

Take one day at a time… Do not worry about what you have to do after the honeymoon. Focus on relaxing and spending time with your new husband. Try to think of helping her move as a positive thing. This is a new beginning for both of you! You will be a wife to a wonderful husband, and she will be removing a huge burden from her life. As someone who was married to a terrible man previously, I can tell you that she will finally find PEACE! There is nothing like peace… She will be able to wake up free of worry over this man. She can be in control of her own destiny, life, and money when she is through with him. Eventually, she can even move on and maybe even date again. There are bees on here who were married for decades, divorced, and are happily remarried. Perhaps they can leave some wisdom on here as well. I am also very sorry for your loss! Perhaps you could do something in your ceremony for your wonderful Grandpa… I really wish you the best, dear! Congrats on your wedding being right around the corner!

Post # 4
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Don’t have him walk you down the aisle. Have your mom or mom and grandma together. I’d ask him not even to come to the wedding and have someone usher him out if he shows up! Get those accounts changed NOW into her name only. If there is ANY way to get him out now I would! Protect the money and your mom first. If he’s physically harming her, get a restraining order hopefully AFTER you have accounts changed so he can’t withdraw it all. What an ASS! He does not deserve the privilege of walking you down! You should have more respect for yourself and especially for your mom! Do NOT have him there. Tell him you can’t fuc&$)(; stand him! 

Post # 5
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m sorry to hear the update is not a good one for you at this time.  I’m not sure why you think it is too late to change your mind?  I think it would be lovely for you to have your mom walk you down the aisle.  Maybe you need to get a restraining order for both you and your mom if you think your stepdad is going to do something to harm either of you or your belongings.  You don’t have to have him at your wedding or in your photos.  Take charge of the situation however you need to proceed. You know what you need to do.  Your mom will be okay on your wedding day, she will be happy for you.    

Post # 6
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

 

MrsTtoB:  this!

This “dad” is obviously not a good person. You owe him nothing. What he is doing to your mom, it seems anyway, he is doing to you too. He is being ruthless in trying to hurt her, with no regards to you, his daughter.

I understand you may feel that since he is your dad, you may feel bad and that’s OK. As for me, I’d worry more about helping your mother and getting yourself in a good spot, more than I’d worry about his feelings.

Post # 7
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

Maybe your mom should put her oveseas accounts in your name, or transfer the money to you so he can’t get his hands on them.

You do NOT have to let that man walk you down the isle or be in your photos! NO! You are a strong, independent woman and you can walk by yourself- or your mother and/or grandmother can walk with you- or your new husband can walk with you as a sign of unity. As for photos: you do not want to look at that man’s face in your photos for the rest of your life! Just do not do it.

Post # 9
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

MrsPiggles:  Maybe you can have him and your mom walk you down the aisle, but have your photographer know that you want him on the “outside” of all photos, so you can have him cropped out later.  Or only take 1 photo of him, and still have your mom walk with you too.  Wow, wiith 500 people attending, it seems like there would hardly be a focus on whether he’s there or not.  It would be great to have family support your mom before/at the wedding. I bet you’d all actually feel happier and relieved if he wasn’t there, maybe your mom’s closest friend(s) could rally around her the day of?

Post # 10
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

MrsPiggles:  I’m sorry about the caos. I really think your mom should withdraw her accounts here so that he has no access to the money. Remove overdraft option also.

Post # 11
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

beemyname:  Agree. Do not let him get his hand on the money! 

Post # 12
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t see why you or your mother should consider letting this man walk you down the aisle. Have your mother do it, or just say that it’s a tradition you never liked and walk alone.

After all, why is having the step- father walk you alone any less gossip worthy than having your mother? TBH, even if things were fine and you two were very close,  I don’t think anyone would blink a eye that you might choose your mom. 

If your mother wants your soon to be ex- stepfather  at her table, that’s her choice, and should be sufficient  to keep people from gossiping for the time being. 

Post # 13
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

Wow, what a mess, your poor mom. I think you should have your mom walk you down the aisle – gossipy family members might think it’s odd, but they won’t guess the real reason why. Also, no one other than your immediate family will realise he isn’t in the formal family pics if you do keep him out – as a guest at many, many weddings, I have literally never noticed who is or isn’t in the formals! Good luck, I hope it all works out as smoothly as possible for you.

Post # 14
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Have you asked your mum how she feels about having him at the wedding? Three weeks is definitely enough time to kick him off the guest list and ask someone else to walk you, or decide to walk yourself.

Post # 15
Member
4828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MrsPiggles:  Your mom is the one dead center in the middle of a failed relationship, though I’m sure grandma doesn’t want to see your mom in any pain. NO WAY IN HELL I’d have him at my wedding or walking me down the aisle. Why do that??

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