Parents think I’m too young to get engaged…how to announce engagement to them?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Member
24038 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

The problem with trying to convince someone that your choice is right is that it probably won’t work and will just leave you frustrated.  I wouldn’t waste your time trying to explain to them.  Just tell them that is what you are doing and you appreciate their concern but it’s your life and your choice.

Member
3588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I got that reaction from a few relatives and all I said was, “It’s the right choice for us.” I think your response is fine. Just stick it out. The naysayers will shut up eventually!

Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve gotten that from a few people as well (even one person anonymously and really rudely on our wedding website!!) and all I say is that I appreciate their concern, but we know what we are doing.. I wouldn’t try to explain it to them.. They’re not going to change their minds unless you and your hubby reach 80 years old and are still happy married and as in love as ever.. So just tell them thank you but no thanks, brush it off, and prove them wrong :)

Member
7363 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

There is nothing wrong with being younger and on the happy to announce side when it comes to marriage.

My biggest question would be will you guys be able to find your own living space and support yourselves? If so then, your fine and you family will have to grow to honor and respect your decsion. The worst situation for you would be having them not offer to help you should you need it later on in your marriage because you didn’t wait.

Theres no reason to have a huge engagement party or send out announcements. Share it with the ones you love and when the time comes, people will get invitations or save the dates:)

 If you belong to a church or have access to a local Christian college/ young adult group, see if you can get in-touch with some young married couples. For mentoring and advice! It can be done :

Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My grandparents got married when they were 16 and my parents got married when they were 18, and they are still married!  When both sets got married, that age was the norm.  Now the norm is all over the place.  Is it easier on the couple to wait until they are settled into careers before they get married?  Usually.  But you have to do what’s right for you guys.  If you feel this is right, then do it!  There will always be naysayers, whether you wait a year or 5 years.  So as long as you are confident with you decision, that’s all that matters. 

Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sorry but, why not wait a few years?  You don’t give any concrete reasons besides it’s “not gonna happen.”  I think your mother knows what is best for you, and getting married so young against her wishes is only going to cause a rift in your family.

You’re living with extended family, unemployed, and a student.  I think having a few more years under your belt, as well as being better suited for real life (bills, houses, REAL unemployment, living on your own) will not only not hurt anything, but also only make you and your relationship stronger.

Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Brandiola: OP clearly stated she only wanted responsed on how to deal with her family, not for an opinion on her age. Who cares why she wants to get married at her age? All the best to her!

OP, your family will think what they want to think reagrdless of what you really say. The best thing you can do is to prove them wrong! Good luck with your furture :)

Member
4867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t bother trying to explain reasons to them – they won’t agree, and it will just leave you even more frusturated.

Member
3588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@NatAndTy: The disapproval faded at different points for different family members. It took my auntmom (maternal aunt who raised me, so she’s part aunt, part mom, all awesome) a while to fully warm up to DH because she saw me go through hell with an ex and was really cautious, but now they’re quite close. My grandma and her sister loved him instantly. Another aunt only warmed up to him right before the wedding (and we had been together for two years at that point!).

Member
4867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@NatAndTy: At my parent’s wedding, my grandpa was in the back room offering to go out and tell everyone they weren’t getting married, and reminding my mom it wasn’t too late to change her mind! I couldn’t say exactly when it changed, but either before I was born or when I was very young since as long as I can remember he is supportive of their marriage.

Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oh honey, this sounds like me! My family gave us such a hard time when we were newly engaged. We had been together for 7 months (we knew right away that we wanted to marry each other- he proposed on our first date) and we were still young (19 and 20). All I kept telling them is that it was my decision and I wasn’t going to leave him just because they didn’t like it. They continued to tell me that I was unhappy because of him but in reality, I was unhappy that my FAMILY was telling me that the only thing I have ever been 110% sure of was a mistake. It took 4 years and 2 kids for me to grow a backbone and tell them to shut it. We went to the courthouse in December and I have never been happier. My advice- tell them that you have made your decision and do NOT back down. If you stick to your guns, you will be happier in the long run. Don’t let them push you around like I did- it strained my relationship with my husband terribly and we almost didn’t make it. Best of luck!

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