- 2 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
So as some of you have read, finances have forced me to move in with my parents for the summer before my last semester of college, which starts in August. My fiance and I were engaged back in April, after he asked for Dad’s blessing, which was wholeheartedly given. After moving home for the summer in early May, my parents found out I have a small tattoo on the back of my neck. Getting a tattoo was something they are really against, but honestly, it is tiny, meaningful to me, and I’ve had it for like a year without anyone actually noticing it besides fiance. To be clear, I am 21 and got the tattoo as an adult, with my own money. I am totally financially independent, except for this summer where I’ve moved home to keep my savings…in savings. They were really not ever supposed to know I have a tattoo, but I don’t think people need to get so upset about what their adult children are doing. They asked me to leave their house for a few days they were so upset, which I was happy to do, but they eventually called and apologized for overreacting, and invited me back.
Last night, it came out that they blame my fiance for not “stopping me” from getting it, since he was there when I got the tattoo, and said they couldn’t believe he would “let” his future wife do that. During the few days I was “”kicked out” (which feels so trivial to say, since I’m like…an adult who has been living independently for the past three years) my mother also psycho-texted fiance with the same accusations, but I thought since they asked me to come back for the summer, they were over it. Turns out they apparently never would have given my fiance their blessing if they knew he had “let” me get a tattoo and felt that he was dishonest by asking my dad for his blessing without telling him about my ink. They then went on to say how hard it is for them to support our relationship anyway, since there was all this drama about us having sex back in high school and them not supporting premarital sex. Thought they were way over that too, since we’re like, ENGAGED and planning to spend our entire lives together.
They also said that they don’t like that I will be the sole “breadwinner” while my fiance goes through law school. All of their rhetoric suggesting that fiance owns my body, makes my decisions, and should be the one breadwinning really ticks me off. Our relationship is not at all like that. We’re equals in every way, and if he told me he wouldn’t allow me to get a tattoo or that he wouldn’t allow me to work, I think I would bust out laughing. That’s just not how we are.
I basically told my parents that if they don’t support the relationship, and dislike my fiance, they don’t have to be involved in our life. My dad said he would always want a relationship with me, but I explained pretty firmly that my fiance and I are a package deal, and any future grandchildren are a package deal with their father, my fiance. They’re just giving me serious whiplash because they had previously offered to pay for part of the wedding and my mom has been planning away with me, even after she found out I had a tattoo. She is a little bit unstable I think, even though she has never been diagnosed, because everything is fine one minute and then she flies into these fits of rage/sadness. She is the one who brought all this up again.
I’m just really hurt that my parents will no longer be involved in our planning process or our wedding day. I really want to move out, because I don’t feel comfortable here, but I ended my lease on my house and have nowhere else to go until August. The real kicker is that they were the ones who insisted I come live with them to help save money and help me save for the wedding.
Am I overreacting? I just don’t think that people who have openly stated they don’t support the relationship should be involved in the wedding process, but I’m hurt that they’re acting like this. I feel bad that they are so upset over a little tattoo, but at the same time, it’s my body and I am not a little kid that constantly is thinking about whether mom and dad will approve or not. I care about them a lot, even though there has been a lot of tension since I hit my teen years because we disagree on so many things, and I would have wanted them to be involved in our day, walking me down the aisle, and all that jazz. Knowing the way my mom is, she will act like this conversation never happened and will want to be “friends” again in a few days, but I really don’t feel like letting this one go. Saying they don’t support the relationship or the impending marriage is kind of a dealbreaker for me.