Post # 1
<div>I was previously married in a catholic church and was raised catholic. My fiance was raised catholic but never confirmed and was previously married by a JP. Since then we’ve felt that the catholic church just wasn’t giving us what we wanted and we now have been going to a congregational church for the past 2 years. My parents are catholic and continue going to mass. I’ve gone with them before but found it very boring and unfulfilling. We are now going to be married in our church, the first congregational church. I’ve told my parents before we go to this church but I don’t think they fully understood. I told my mother that we confirmed that we’ll be getting married on October 4 and she just comes back with “did you get your marriage annulled? if not, no church wedding” That crushed me. I thought an annullment was just a catholic thing? I also think they don’t realize that we’ll be getting married in a non denominational church. I’m so afraid of breaking their heart. I’m not sure how to break it to them that we wouldn’t be getting married in a catholic church. I really thought they knew. help! </div>
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
jenmickey79: Be an adult and tell them the truth. Your parents aren’t going to like everything you do so you have to learn how to deal with their disappointment while also knowing you are doing what works best for you. If that means getting married in a non-denominational church then your parents will just have to deal with it. The sooner you do this the better because it’s only going to get more complicated when (and if) you have kids because they will likely want their grandchild baptised and confirmed in the Catholic church.
Post # 3
I would just be honest with your mom because if she continues thinking you are getting married in the Catholic church it will be harder to tell her and harder for her to accept.
My Dad is Jewish and I converted to Catholicism at the age of 25. He was surprised but he was suportive and just wanted me to be happy. Like you, I was nervous to break it to him. But I just told him. He just asked me if that’s what I really wanted and then never really brought it up again.
DH and I were married in the Church and my Dad didn’t think anything of it because he said it was my wedding. As far as the annullment, I would talk to your pastor. I am not sure how previous marriages are considered in other denominations but I think you might be correct that it’s more difficult in the Catholic church to deal with previous marraiges.
Post # 4
Thanks for the response. Things like that are what I need to hear. It’s just a situation where I feel like a constant disappointment and I just stress out about it too much. I did contact my pastor and he said there was no problem with me marrying in his church. I know I need to break it to them that it’ll be in a congregational church but it’s hard for me to make that step.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
jenmickey79: If you were previously married, I don’t think you will be allowed to get married in the Catholic church anyway. I know that annulments are offered in special circumstances for Catholic marriages which are dissolved, but I’m not sure they’re offered for previous marriages if they weren’t Catholic weddings, such as your FH’s.
You would need to check with the priest obviously, but I know the Catholic church in the UK is much more chill on a lot of things that it is in North America, and over here they wouldn’t marry you if you’d both been married to other people and your marriages hadn’t been properly annulled. And if that’s the case, there’s not much your parents can do about it anyway, so they’ll just need to get over it. I’m surprised your parents aren’t aware of this anyway, if they are so devout.
I really think the priest would be unlikely to do it though, especially if neither you or your FH attend mass any more yourselves, but I wonder if contacting the priest and getting it in writing that he’s unable to do this would help reconcile your parents to the fact? Maybe explain to the priest that you are aware of the situation, and have made arrangements in another church, but your parents had hope you would have a Catholic wedding and would perhaps benefit from him explaining why it wouldn’t be possible.
Post # 6
I heard that you can only get an anullment in special circumstances. I also remember feeling very negative feelings after getting divorced being in the catholic church. So I didn’t feel that I could get an anullment and trying to go through the super long process and pay a huge fee just didn’t seem worth it. To me, this way we would still be getting married in a christian ceremony and it’s where we’re happy. That should be what matters. I just hope my mother isn’t feeling, ‘it’s catholic or nothing’. I know I need to be strong and they need to face that this is what we want to do. I guess she will just need time. I know my dad was raised protestant and then just never went to church as he got older. in the recent years he started attending mass with my mother. I just hope it’s not a huge deal because to me it isn’t. We still have the same belief to me it’s just that the service is different. I’m learning so much more while in the catholic church I felt it was rigid and robotic without any learning. Just needed to vent and tell my feelings 🙂