Post # 1
Well my parents are seperated ever since I was three and never sat next to eachother since then. My mother is far worse than anyone as both are remarried (Dad married for 15+ years and Mom married 8 years)
I asked my dad to walk me down the aisle since he is my dad and has been apart of my life as much as my mom would let him and my mom really wanted to step-dad as I lived with him during high school years( i’m now 23) and he provided for my mother and me .. i guess
She also wanted him to do the DJ service as he has the equipment just not professional business. My fiance and I both wanted a business to do it as it would be better for the wedding and more professional. How should I tell my mom and step-dad that I don’t want him to DJ? They already know that my Dad is walking me down the isle.
I like my mom and step-mom equally and get along better with my step-mom. My mom is trying to do the “mom thing” and help out but we live an ocean apart and there isn’t much for her to do … I like doing things on my own and knowing it’s just how I like and want it.
My mom has invited herself to view the venue with us and we didn’t even invite her. Do you think I should tell her to come even if she’s no help with advice? I would also feel bad if she got to come and not my step-mom.
I bought my wedding dress online so nobody has seen it yet and I have a fitting/altering scheduled in August. Do you think I should invite both or just one and invite one to the venue tour?
Another thing is.. I would like my wedding as traditional as possible would like all of the parents to sit at one table..do you think it’s rude if I put them at one table and make them deal with it( really my mom)? My mom said years ago I’ll have to choose between her or my dad and I choose to invite them both and so far she plans on coming..so she has made a step-up from how she was. 🙂
need some advice espeically from those who are in the same situation.
Post # 3
for the dj thing you should say that you want all your friends and family to enjoy the day and not be ‘working’.
I don’t think you should have them on the same table though!
Post # 4
That’s a good idea for the DJing, and I agree not having them at the same table. I’m having 3 parent tables, FI’s parents, my Mom’s table and my Dad’s table. I honestly never thought about doing it any other way and didn’t know it was traditional to have the parents all together.
We’re not having a bridal party, but we are having my brother and SIL sit with Fiance and I, that way they don’t have to choose to sit with my Dad or my Mom. Fiance has no siblings to put anywhere.
Post # 5
I have step-parents also. I think the best way to deal with this is to delegate. Say flowers are you and your mom’s job, and the venue is you and your step-mom’s job, etc. This way, they won’t have to work together very much and the roles are clearly defined.
As far as your mother not wanting to be around your father… If she politely asks you to not sit with your father, that’s ok. If she’s threatening not to come to your wedding because your dad is there, she needs to grow up. You should tell her (in a nice way) that this is not about her and she needs to be more supportive.
I hope it works out!
Post # 6
Tell your stepdad that you want him to enjoy being a part of your day and not be working. I would do 2 father-daughter dances. Have both dads pick out songs that means something to them and do that.
In regards to your mother I would tell her that you and your Fiance want to pick the venue out alone. And invite them both to the dress fitting. I would tell them that u extended an invite to both “moms” and let them choose whether they want to attend.
And I would put them at the table together and make them deal with each other. I would speak to ” your mom” and tell her what the plan is so she wont be surprised and explain how important it is to you to do it this way.
Post # 7
I think it`s so unfair when parents force their child to pick one parent over the last. If you have a good relationship with your Dad he is still your father and he should walk you down the aisle.
As for the Dj thing, tell them you want everyone to enjoy themselves, and would rather hire a professional, and also them them Dj sometimes have up lighting and other things to add on the package which you are considering.
As for the table thing, if your parents don`t get along that is just asking for trouble and drama. Some people never let things go and as much we liked too. You should expected them to shut up and paly nice for the pictures, then allow them to stay apart for the rest of the night. Seat them at different tables so they can feel comfortable at the wedding.
Post # 8
Please don’t put all of your parents at the same table. That is a really bad idea. Let them all enjoy your wedding, don’t force them to sit together when you know they wouldn’t want to (not just your mom, but all of them)!
Maybe you could invite your mom and step-mom both to your dress fitting. It could be very hurtful to one if they are not invited and the other is not…I would not worry about having them both at the venue viewing. It doesn’t really seem like a big deal. I agree with PP about just not wanting your family or friends to be working during your wedding. I would be firm about that, and just say no exceptions, they are there to celebrate with you not to work. As for your mom wanting your step-dad to walk you down the isle…that is totally your choice and I would be firm about that as well. Good luck!
Post # 9
Thanks Bees for all of your advice. 🙂 I really appreciate it. I really like the idea of telling them we’re into the professional dj with lighting and that way everyone can enjoy the wedding and reception and have a good time.
I didn’t think of splitting up parents- looks like it’s a common answer and I talked with my fiance and I think we’ll have them all sitting at different tables. 🙂