Post # 1
has anyone else had an issue with their family over who will be officiating your ceremony? short background: i was raised presbyterian, FH catholic and although we consider ourselves to be religious people, we would prefer to use a close friend or family member (who knows us both) to officiate our service. sounds easy enough, but i am getting married in my hometown and my mom has been very adament that we should use the pastor of our families church. i, unfortunately, do not have a relationship with my old pastor, nor did i growing up and my FH has never met him. we both feel that our ceremony should be a reflection of who we are as a couple and think it is important to have someone who really knows us, and will be an integral part of our lives in the future marry us. any advice on how to broach this subject with the parents again? thank you in advance!
Post # 3
We kind of dealt with the same thing. I would just stand firm and tell them what you mentioned above, how you want someone who “will be an integral part of our lives in the future.” It’s so well said! If they keep arguing after that, I would just gently remind them that this is your wedding. Do you think it would pacify them (and still sit right with you) if you had your family’s pastor do a blessing? Maybe that would make them feel better.
Post # 4
Just a word of advice: before you put your foot down on this issue, make sure that your friends’ ordination is valid in your state. I know that online ordinations are not valid in Virginia, so be sure your friend can marry you before this becomes a huge issue!
Post # 5
My big mouth said to my uncle minister once “Oh when we get married, you can perform the ceremony!” Well my Fiance doesn’t like my uncle & over the last 6 months I haven’t spoken to my uncle once, even at family events. Both my aunt & uncle have been acting weird towards me. I want to go with someone else, but also risk my family having a meltdown.
I think it’s more important to have someone you and your FH are close to! Explain to your parents how you don’t want to cause them any upset, but you’ve chosen to get your friend to perform the ceremony. Stand firm. Stay strong! The ceremony is the most important part of the day & I really think its more special when the officiant has a personal relationship with the couple.
Post # 6
Are you getting married or are they? It also helps if you’re paying for it rather than them. You should be comfortable with whomever is performing the ceremony and it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business whom you use.
Post # 7
thanks for all the comments you guys!
stacymarie- i like the idea of having him do a blessing. i think my old pastor is a good man, just not the right person to perform the actual ceremony. i will have to look into that more.
johnsbride09- you are absolutely right. i’ve spoken at length with a few people in florida that have gone through this as well and will make sure that we’ve covered all our bases.
recessionista- thanks for the encouragement! good luck with your situation as well!
ember- i hear what you are saying and i am in the position where my parents are helping pay for a majority of the wedding. its one of the reasons why i’m trying to handle the situation delicately. i guess this is just the first ‘big’ decision that i’m making where it’s caused tension with family, you know? but hey- you guys are all right- it’s our wedding and the beginning of our life together- we should do what feels right. 🙂
thanks again you all!
Post # 8
A pro officiant knows how to personalize your service. Have a friend do a reading, sing a song, or something other than the service. Why not someone from your church and his doing the service with friends doing other things. What is the objection having an ecumenical service? If neither of your pastor’s are the ‘real thing’ and you are afraid they won’t give youthe service you want, have them involved in some special way. You don’t want to start off your marriage alienating both sides. On theother hand, you can meet with your ‘old’ pastor and ask if he would mind including things you want. He might be happy to do what you’ve researched saving him the time from trying to figure out what it is that will make you happy w/the service.
You can call upon a hospital chaplain or college chaplain, too. Look around. There are qualified and very well trained professionals who can marry you. would you ask a friend to give you an operation or drill your tooth?