(Closed) parents want me to use pastor, we want to use a close friend

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We kind of dealt with the same thing.  I would just stand firm and tell them what you mentioned above, how you want someone who “will be an integral part of our lives in the future.”  It’s so well said!  If they keep arguing after that, I would just gently remind them that this is your wedding.  Do you think it would pacify them (and still sit right with you) if you had your family’s pastor do a blessing?  Maybe that would make them feel better.

Post # 4
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Just a word of advice: before you put your foot down on this issue, make sure that your friends’ ordination is valid in your state.  I know that online ordinations are not valid in Virginia, so be sure your friend can marry you before this becomes a huge issue!

Post # 5
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My big mouth said to my uncle minister once “Oh when we get married, you can perform the ceremony!” Well my Fiance doesn’t like my uncle & over the last 6 months I haven’t spoken to my uncle once, even at family events. Both my aunt & uncle have been acting weird towards me. I want to go with someone else, but also risk my family having a meltdown.

I think it’s more important to have someone you and your FH are close to! Explain to your parents how you don’t want to cause them any upset, but you’ve chosen to get your friend to perform the ceremony. Stand firm. Stay strong! The ceremony is the most important part of the day & I really think its more special when the officiant has a personal relationship with the couple.

Post # 6
4485 posts
Honey bee

Are you getting married or are they? It also helps if you’re paying for it rather than them. You should be comfortable with whomever is performing the ceremony and it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business whom you use.

Post # 8
374 posts
Helper bee

A pro officiant knows how to personalize your service.  Have a friend do a reading, sing a song, or something other than the service.  Why not someone from your church and his doing the service with friends doing other things.  What is the objection  having an ecumenical service?  If neither of your pastor’s are the ‘real thing’ and you are afraid they won’t give youthe service you want, have them involved in some special way.  You don’t want to start off your marriage alienating both sides.  On theother hand, you can meet with your ‘old’ pastor and ask if he would mind including things you want.  He might be happy to do what you’ve researched saving  him the time from trying to figure out what it is that will make you happy w/the service.

You can call upon a hospital chaplain or college chaplain, too.  Look around.  There are qualified and very well trained professionals who can marry you.  would you ask a friend to give you an operation or drill your tooth?

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