Post # 1
my dad said he’d help pay for the wedding, he’s said it more than once. He told us to plan what we wanted and then talk to him and we’d decide if he was going to cut a cheque or pay for something in particular. The tricky part is my step mom. i don’t know if she knows about this. She’s really weird when it comes to my dad helping any of his 4 kids pay for anything. I’m at the point where it would be great if he could help me out – deposits and things need to be paid and cashflow is tight – we can afford things, it would just be easier if we had a little extra in the bank – how do I bring up the conversation?
Post # 3
@MsGinkgo: he offered to pay? are you comfortable with bringing it up to him and asking to cover maybe the photographer or flowers, etc?
my parents offered to pay some of it & are sending the checks themselves to the vendor. I don’t actually physically see the money.
Post # 4
I would show him your budget and ask if it seems reasonable to get the ball rolling. That way you’re not demanding money, but he knows where you stand on the money stuff.
Post # 5
@jdhall89: +1 and why is it any of stepmom’s biz? I think she’s butting in where she doesn’t belong.
Post # 6
@MsGinkgo: Is it possible to talk to your dad without his wife present? I think that’s reaonable on the basis that it’s a daddy-daughter conversation. Give him the option of talking to his wife then getting back to you, if he wants to.
To the poster above, it’s stepmom’s business because they’re married so it’s her money too.
Post # 7
I had a preliminary conversation with my dad about how much he was going to contribute. Then, when planning got rolling full force, I told him about the deposits needed for assorted vendors and asked if those were pieces he was ready to help on or if he’d rather wait for the tail end/ final payments. He said he had the money now and would send it. He gave me a lump sum and I draw from it as I make payments, keeping a ledger for his reference. He’s seriously amazing.
Post # 8
@Andthepupmakes3: @FoxyBride14: he said he would help, said he couldn’t pay for everything but he’d make a considerable contribution. I really don’t know what that means but I know my dad and I know it’s likely at least $3000 (which would be a mega help right now).
@paula1248: he lives in a different city so most of our convos are on the phone, I called him tonight and I could tell that SM wasn’t far away. I mentioned sending save the dates and he didn’t continue the wedding convo so I didn’t push it. I’m wondering if sending him an email with our details to date might be the best bet and he can call me when it works for him.
@lindseyl06: Dad and SM are married so it is her business – but she does butt in far more than she should. She married my dad when I was 23, she knew full well he had grown daughters and 2 kids to put through post secondary but she gives everyone a hard time about it (she’s also only 9 years older than me and I don’t think that helps)
Post # 9
Then I would treat your Dad to lunch or ice cream or something and chat about it with him (and just him!)
Post # 10
I just made up a spreadsheet w/ what I planned to book and how much each thing cost, there were about 3 venues/vendors each and I let him decide what he thought was reasonable and he put down the deposits. I say just make up a sheet with the information and send in to him.
Post # 11
My parents are paying but they are making the payments directly to the vendors (venue, etc)
Post # 12
I think you should talk to him and make it clear that you only want the money if SM is onboard with it. I can’t believe other posters are saying it is none of your step-mothers business because if they are married then how they spend their money is her business.
So you need to speak to dad and dad needs to discuss with his wife.
Post # 13
@MsGinkgo: I think writing the email you mention is a good idea!
Then he can digest the information and talk about it with his wife. I would also strongly suggest not counting on the money until it’s in hand… Just in case. It sucks that she is a hindrance instead of a friend, but hopefully your dad will come through and she will be ok with everything. I’m crossing my fingers for you. 🙂
Post # 14
@j_jaye: This. My DSD was in her mid-twenties when she married her FI last year, and her dad and I worked together to determine what we were able to contribute toward her wedding.
Post # 15
So what happens if stepmom isn’t on board with this but Dad still wants to help and like you said you could really use the help?
Post # 16
@lindseyl06: I know that dad will still give me the money even if she doesn’t support it. He’s done it in the past. My dad doesn’t stand for her saying he can’t help his kids when he feels it’s right. We don’t NEED the money, but it would be a big help.