Parents who said they'd help pay..

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MsGinkgo:  he offered to pay? are you comfortable with bringing it up to him and asking to cover maybe the photographer or flowers, etc? 

my parents offered to pay some of it & are sending the checks themselves to the vendor. I don’t actually physically see the money. 

Post # 4
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would show him your budget and ask if it seems reasonable to get the ball rolling.  That way you’re not demanding money, but he knows where you stand on the money stuff.

Post # 5
Member
2962 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@jdhall89:  +1 and why is it any of stepmom’s biz? I think she’s butting in where she doesn’t belong.

Post # 6
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsGinkgo:  Is it possible to talk to your dad without his wife present? I think that’s reaonable on the basis that it’s a daddy-daughter conversation. Give him the option of talking to his wife then getting back to you, if he wants to.

To the poster above, it’s stepmom’s business because they’re married so it’s her money too.

Post # 7
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had a preliminary conversation with my dad about how much he was going to contribute.  Then, when planning got rolling full force, I told him about the deposits needed for assorted vendors and asked if those were pieces he was ready to help on or if he’d rather wait for the tail end/ final payments.  He said he had the money now and would send it.  He gave me a lump sum and I draw from it as I make payments, keeping a ledger for his reference.  He’s seriously amazing.  

Post # 9
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Then I would treat your Dad to lunch or ice cream or something and chat about it with him (and just him!)

Post # 10
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I just made up a spreadsheet w/ what I planned to book and how much each thing cost, there were about 3 venues/vendors each and I let him decide what he thought was reasonable and he put down the deposits. I say just make up a sheet with the information and send in to him. 

Post # 11
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My parents are paying but they are making the payments directly to the vendors (venue, etc)

Post # 12
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you should talk to him and make it clear that you only want the money if SM is onboard with it. I can’t believe other posters are saying it is none of your step-mothers business because if they are married then how they spend their money is her business.

So you need to speak to dad and dad needs to discuss with his wife.

Post # 13
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MsGinkgo:  I think writing the email you mention is a good idea!

Then he can digest the information and talk about it with his wife. I would also strongly suggest not counting on the money until it’s in hand… Just in case. It sucks that she is a hindrance instead of a friend, but hopefully your dad will come through and she will be ok with everything. I’m crossing my fingers for you. 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@j_jaye:  This. My DSD was in her mid-twenties when she married her FI last year, and her dad and I worked together to determine what we were able to contribute toward her wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
2962 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

So what happens if stepmom isn’t on board with this but Dad still wants to help and like you said you could really use the help?

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