(Closed) Parents who suck the joy out of enagement…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am really sorry you having to go through this at a VERY happy time – So first off CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!

I would just talk upfront with your parents and tell them that you appreciate what they did for you 10 years ago but this time around it is going to be different you are in Love, the ring is PERFECT because he bought it for you, you are going to pay for everything yourself and have the wedding of YOUR dreams!

If you tell them all of that and they still give you a hard time I personally would distance myself throughout the wedding planning! But I am sure they will love you and respect your wishes if you tell them out right!

Good luck – and don’t compromise – do EVERYTHING YOU want!!!!!

Post # 4
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

(HUGS) Try and not let them suck the joy out of it…which is easier said than done.  Maybe you could sit down with your parents and explain that you regret the mistake of your past, but this is different this time you are doing it your way, they can be a part or an observer, but this is your life now.  Maybe if it is all in one conversation, with a calm serious tone they will get the message.  Hope it all works out for you!

Post # 5
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I totally understand where you are coming from. While I can’t imagine what a horrible situation you went through, I too made a HUGE mistake with my first marriage.  My parents are not being quite so hard on me, but there has been comments here and there, and it’s extremely hurtful.

I think these are just things you have to ignore.  I have come to realize that they are everyone else’s problems and I am actually very happy.  They will have to come to terms with your marriage…and wedding…and ring!! It’s not easy but you have to remember it’s THEIR issue.

Post # 6
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Sorry to hear about the struggles with the family.  There always has to be one or two people to rain on the parade.  I just don’t get that.  I understand the ring thing too, I have a blue stone and some people look at me funny when I show them.  But this ring is totally me and my FI.  It is what I wanted 6 years ago for my first e-ring and didn’t get it because it has to be a diamond.  Don’t get me wrong my diamond ring I had was gorgeous, but it just wasn’t me.  I also understand the themed wedding, we are doing one centered around airplanes because FI is a pilot.  So some people think it is a little strange.  But again, this is who we are and we are excited about sharing this with our friends and families!  I hope they come around and know you can always vent to us here!

Post # 7
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

*hugs!*

That really sucks, hun, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. If it were me, I would plan on going over to their house for lunch or something, and try to clear the air. Just flat out tell them that you’re hurt my all the ring comments, and you don’t plan on upgrade because you love it, and that you’re not asking for any financial assistance from them, so  you’d appreciate those comments to stop as well. Just say if they can’t live with that, you’ll have  to not involve them in the wedding planning, and since you’re genuinely happy this time around, you’d like their support. Just be calm and collected about it, and if they get emotional, just say, “I’ve said what I’ve had to say, and I understand you guys are probably going through a lot, too, so this is a decision you’ll have to make: either be involved and let me do things MY way, or don’t support me and miss out on the happiest day of my life.”

I think if you just show them that you’re being responsible and that you’re happy, they’ll eventually come around (after some time to let it sink it).

Good luck, and no matter what, don’t let them ruin this wedding!

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hugs! Maybe this is all just really surprising for the sheer fact that you haven’t been close with them in the past? THey may have issues seeing you as older b/c they haven’t seen the 10 year transition. BTW, my parents would have made the SAME comment about money. Oye. Even now, they say, “boy if you ever get divorced, we’ll be glad we didn’t pay for it.” Thanks. Sometimes it’s nice to not be so blunt!

In the meantime, maybe stop syharing less traditional ideas, particularly if they’re just raining on your parade! Sorry your parents aren’t being accepting and cool with stuff, that’s a definite downer in such a happy time. Maybe having a chat with them will help. Tell them you hope they realize you made a mistake 10 YEARS ago but you’ve moved on and so should they. Wehther or not you have a diamond engagement ring is bull-hockey. YOu’re getting married regardless and if your mother chooses to be too embarassed or whatever to tell her friends, that’s her fault. Take joy in those around you who revel in your happiness! Check out offbeatbride for nifty “gothic” and different ideas. They have some very unique brides who do some really cool non-traditional stuff!

Post # 10
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I am so sorry that things have started out so stressful…CONGRATS THOUGH! and I am completely behind you doing exactly what you and your fiance want in terms of a wedding!

People looked at us the same way with a cruise/destination wedding–first because we were not offering to pay for the families and then second because its a Sunday-Thursday.

Oh well its what works best for US and thats what WE want to do and thats exactly what we have told everyone who complains about it. Just remember its about you guys and happiness that will last much longer than the wedding days itself and don’t let the bad ones get you down!  Best Wishes!

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