- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Lately I have seen alot of what I think are super innapropriate things coming from young girls and boys on facebook. I am in my early 20's but still think it is crossing the line and I really don't understand how parents are ok with it. Here are some examples......
1. A 13 year old girl posting pictures of herself in a bikini.
2. Same girl posting pictures of herself making out with her boyfriend while he is not wearing a shirt.
3. "Sexy" pictures taken by web cam wearing very little clothing (once again young girls)
4. Using foul language in status updates and bullying in a status update.
5. Letting your very young teen daughter have 300+ friends whom she does not know including grown men and boys 20+ plus years of age.
Just bothers me how parents are not protecting there young daughters. Also the girls I am speaking of are friends with their parents on facebook.
These are parents who are letting their children run amuck on the internet. While I will not judge different parenting styles, I would never allow that. I have two in high school (one 18) and I still have all their passwords and a program that keeps thrack of all of their internet activities. Better safe then sorry, IMO. My oldest didn't want to give them to me, so I simply changed the password on the home network and wouldn't give it to him until I got them. Especially now that FB has all the blocking features added.
@tksjewelry: Thank goodness there are still some like you! And mine, ha.
OP, I know what you're talking about though. My youngest brother is 15 and he isn't allowed to block my mom from anything...but some of his friends? Good grief! Lots of girls always comment on his page and the pictures? I feel so old! I'm like, WTH are you wearing? Anything?
Agreed!
To me it's about parents actually being INVOLVED in their childrens lives. Just like most parents haven't a clue what music/videos/apps are on their kiddos phones, ipods, or other devices.
And then there's the fact that so many parents are trying not to alienate their children and end up in a backseat approach of being their "friend" and well friends are all accepting, not judging, and not correcting.... even though part of loving someone is helping them on their path and out of things that could hurt them.
Sigh....
DH and I got a book that we've been slowly reading through called
"Recreate: Building a culture in your home stronger than the culture deceiving our kids"
Pretty good tool that really helps us parents get that relationship with our kids and still be able to be PARENTS! GRRRRRRRR.
okay I'll get off my soapbox. lol
I teach upper elementary school and for the past two years, we have had a program come in and teach our kids about internet safety. They talk about Facebook, because even though my students technically aren't old enough to have accounts, many do. It's just so hard to even think about this, because what they post at such a young age could end up having a really negative impact as they grow up. I am so thankful that there wasn't a Facebook when I was growing up!
It's an interesting subject, to me, because one of my courses in grad schhol has been focusing a lot on Web 2.0. It's amazing how many adults with teens feel overwhelmed and unable to keep up with these new social medias and technologies. Also, of those that are comfortable with technology, many adults have the same lax privacy standards children/teens of this generation have, giving them a false sense of security on the internet.
I think the most important things a parent can do is keep up on the technologies their children are using and communicate proper internet/technology safety to their children. If parents do those two things effectively, a lot of those issues (innapropriate pictures/language/etc...) would dramatically decrease.
@Mrs. Spring: I think the most important things a parent can do is keep up on the technologies their children are using and communicate proper internet/technology safety to their children.
This. My parents didn't let me watch R-rated movies or MTV but I had a computer in my room with Internet access. They did their best with parental controls but I knew my way around them. They just didn't get it. That's why I will have a "no devices of any kind in your room" rule. No TV, no computer, no iPhone, no video games, nada, never. It's harder to get away with things when your parents are looking over your shoulder.
Hmm, my thoughts on those scenarios are:
1. Not necessarily a big deal, depending on the context; eg if they're holiday snaps, I don't see the issue; if they're posing sexily at home, that's different.
2. Don't see the issue at all here. They're 13, they're young, they're having fun and starting to experiment, and let's be honest, it's JUST kissing. Him being shirtless is neither here nor there IMO.
3. This is a bit more disturbing, but a sign of the times I think; girls are growing up quicker, and I know lots of girls this age who post similar pictures but it's largely innocent. Yeah, a little bit of flirting with boys the same age goes on, but nothing particularly sleazy or worrisome.
4. I personally have no issue with foul-language, esp on something like Facebook which will be full of their friends. Swear-words are JUST words, I have never understood people who get really offended. Provided they're not going round swearing every day, and know that there's a time and a place, I don't have a problem. Bullying is different, and is worrying; there's been a big increase in 'cyber bullying' and it needs to be clamped down on, and teenagers need to know it's just as bad as bullying in real life.
5. Having adult friends would bother me. But is it up to the parents to police this.
So in those cases I don't have major issues. But, I do think parents need to police what their kids do online, and I think Facebook can be dangerous.
@tksjewelry: My parents as well were always pretty strict on internet usage. We always had to ask before using the computer, and none of us could have computers with internet in our room (yeah, this was before the WIFI days - now that rule is harder to enforce), I couldn't even get a facebook until I was 17! And I still friended my mother ;) It did teach me healthy internet habits though. I still try to avoid putting my full name anywhere on the internet, as well as DOB, phone # (don't even have that on fb!), address, etc.
My mom told me when I was a teenager straight up how dangerous internet can be. And that one of my friends (she wouldn't tell me who it was), was actually stalked by a guy on the internet and she was going to meet him and he raped her. Knowing that it had actually happened to someone I know really added perspective to me.
@MarryMeTiffany: Yeah, I agree. I find that what young girls post on facebook is so distasteful. And they wonder why they're still single :P. I have actually unfriended a lot of girls (young and college age alike) if they are constantly posting inappropriate pictures or statuses. It reflects poorly on me if say, a potential employer was perusing my facebook and saw these people as my "friends".
I think the internet will always be a place where kids grow up faster-- I was in middle school chatting on AOL with people who knows how old. I had "boyfriends" online back when that was the rage, though I kept all chats PG because I knew better.
For me, I'm going to raise my children to respect themselves and respect others-- and hopefully that respect will travel through what they decide to do on the internet. (Though if my kids want a Facebook, they'll have to be my friends until they're in high school!)
I find it highly inappropriate for 13 year olds to be kissing shirtless boys (or men) and posting it on the internet. 13 is not an age where they are mature enough to know what they are doing. And why does a 13 year old even HAVE a boyfriend??
@miss-spunkin: Problem with teens is - their brains somewhere around 13 slide out their ears and disappear for several years. Teaching is wonderful, checking is better. We have an 18 and a 13 year old. I am constantly going through their FBs and Bloggs and deleting things. Times have changed, things like FB can ruin futures. I don't want something that my pissed off 16 year old son said coming back and stopping him from being President (not that he is going to be, but you get the point). DH just got a job that deals with Nukes, and they asked for his passwords and logins to everything, thank goodness he doesn't have them, but it is the way that companies are heading. Just scares the crap out of me how much information is out there for all to see. I do try to teach them - Never put anything in writing that you don't want to come back on you in twenty years and bite you in the rear.
@kate169: 13 is freshman, and they have boyfriends whether the parents know it or not. Kids are great at hiding it.
I think the pictures are not okay, but I don't think parents need to police their kids activity so much.
I didn't know much about anything when I was growing up and so I googled and found everything I needed to know about sex, rape, etc off the internet. Honestly, if my parents had monitored me, they proabably thought I had a problem, but it was totally normal. Parents should talk to their kids about sex, but there was no way that I was going to ask my parents about "blue balls" or "tea bagging" etc. I was raised right and nothing I saw or read on the internet/TV would change that.
@PinkMagnolia: Yep, I agree. To be 18 years of age, and to have no privacy or trust from your parents, would really make you feel like a child. 18 is not a child. Having said that, I wouldn't take passwords from a child of 13, either. I would teach them to be safe and independent in their safe-keeping of themselves. One day they will have to be safe on their own. And yes, I learnt so much from the internet and I never would have dared google things if my parents could find out.
@PinkMagnolia: I totally agree. The internet was a great teacher-- if anything I might be willing to give my kids some links to informative sites?
@bookworm88 Umm well when I was in middle school or early high school, Cosmopolitan mag was my favorite internet site to find out about things...
I just feel like it's a tough world out there and kids need to learn the facts of life without being so protected.
@MarryMeTiffany: I agree those things would bother me as a parent. I have a cousin on facebook who is in her teens. I'm shocked by what she posts. Her pictures are of her in a bikini making sexy poses and her status updates are things like "f**k you bitch". Even her info says things like "job - stripper at strippers inc." I mean, its just ridiculous that her mom deosn't monitor that.
I think being exposed to all this social media straight out of the womb is leading to a generation of kids with no concept of privacy. I was brought up never to get the mail when my parents aren't home so people wouldn't know I was alone, leave lights on etc... now kids are advertising on the internet every place they go and whenever they're by themselves, posting provocative pics. It's just dangerous IMO.
While working at a school I heard from a lot of kids that their FB pics had to be pictures of something other than themselves, like if they like the patriots they could have their pic be the Pats logo, and no pictures of them were allowed online. Other kids were on FB chat sexting each other. One parent would friend all her daughter's male (10 year old) friends, but none of the girls, and her picture was of her boobs! (I saw it, it's for real.) How gross is that? The parents need to lead by example by either not having an FB or showing kids how important it is to keep your personal information and pictures private. Why young kids even have FB is beyond me...
@VickyAurea: @tksjewelry: I do not know any 13 year olds that are allowed to date and I didn't when I was 13 either...maybe I'm sheltered, but I don't plan on allowing my kids to date until they are at least 16.
Also around here 13 is still 7th/8th grade...high school freshman here are 14/15 in 9th grade. Not that it really makes a difference lol.
@PinkMagnolia: I agree with you about parents not needing to monitor everything so much. I still think it is ridiculously inappropriate for a 13 year old to be posting pictures of herself trying to look sexy and kissing boys.
@kate169: I'm not ok with 13 year olds dating for real. If they want to have a little boy friend they see at school, talk to on the phone, and go to the school dance with fine BUT I do not think it is ok for them to start hanging out at each others homes that is when things go downhill. It's crazy that these girls are becoming sexually active so young. My 15 year old came to me yesterday (we have very open communication) and told me that her friend had porn on her ipod! Um what! I didn't freak though I just asked what she thought about it. She was pretty grossed out and couldn't understand why her friend would want that so I'm happy to say I think we've at least done something right :) We also talk about everything she knows she can ask me things and I will give her an honest answer. She has done great staying away from the boys as well. She is a very pretty girl but has handles herself well and I am really proud of what she is becoming.
My mom was a tech savy parent, and I could get around her stuff she set up. I'm 22. But I never did anything... WRONG. I never met anyone off the internet. Stuff like that.. BUT I didn't have Facebook. Myspace later on. Facebook scares me.
I will say, my parents were very... lax maybe? I was allowed to do what I wanted, within age appropriate settings. My dad (mostly him my mom worked 4am-6pm with commute). I made pretty darn close to straight A's. If I went to concerts I would stay there. My dad would check, see I was there. I snuck out, but didn't go anywhere. I walked around my neighborhood with a friend. Because I wanted to.
@kate169: And I don't know anyone that ever had to be "allowed" to date. I've seen it on American movies, sure, such as 10 Things I Hate About You, but that's really all. I suppose my Muslim friends wouldn't be allowed to date but that is nothing to do with age - they still wouldn't be allowed now they're in their 20s.
Technology is scary! I can't even fathom having to worry about kids and i-phone apps and crap like that- my kidd won't be given one of those things lol
I have friended some younger cousins and such and the things they post are highly sexual and completely crazy! I know what you mean! I want to give all those girls a baby doll or some chalk and tell them to enjoy their youth! Play outside! Use your imagination!
@VickyAurea: I wasn't "allowed" to date til I was 16. Meaning I wasn't allowed to go places alone on dates with boys until I was 16 years old...I'm pretty sure not being allowed to date is fairly common for minors...at least where I live! Are you saying where you live its the norm for girls to be going out with boys alone on dates at any age? Just curious.
@kate169: Yep! I'd say that is the norm, yes. But others can disagree with me if it wasn't so in their experience.
In England it's the norm for people to 'date' as young as 11; most 'high school' kids have 'relationships' from a fairly early age; half the time it will be kissing or holding hands, no big deal.
I have never been set 'rules' in this regard; my parents have always been open and honest, and never 'banned' me from dating/having sex. I lost my virginity at 14; I was ready, we were careful; no big deal, and I don't regret it. i've since had numerous partners and have always been super-careful about both pregnancy and STIs. I have also always been extremely confident in bed, have never been pressured into anything, and enjoy sex.
Compare this with my friends, who at 25 still can't discuss sex with their parents, and who were 'banned' from dating until 16, but who are careless, insecure, and have sex because they get pressured into it.. Which approach seems best?..
I think 'banning' dating, or even sex, is stupid; it won't stop it, it will just mean they do it behind your back, and will feel unable to confide in you, which doesn't acheive anything.
All a parent can hope for IMPO is that their teen is responsible, and that IF they choose to date or have sex, it's because they have freely chosen to, and don't feel under pressure, and that they know how to be safe. Hoping they just won't do it is like burying your head in the sand, and IMO and IME, leads to more harm than good.
@kate169: I wasn't allowed to date either, but I definitely had boyfriends and at that age was allowed off school grounds during lunch hour, so ... we'd make out off school property. It's amazing where kids can go and get to. Also, what if they when to a friends birthday party and their boyfriend was there and they played 7 minutes in heaven in the closet of their friends house. You'd never know. it happens, they're kids.
I know a kid that posted photos of himself half naked with a guitar, and he's only 10. I'm a teacher, so I had to deal with it by reporting it to the appropriate people.
@barbie86: I don't think I have problems talking to my parents about sex (I'm 24 now) or got pressured into sex early because I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. I think it was good I wasn't allowed to be in adult situations like that until I was a little more mature. I think there is a huge maturity gap between a 13 year old and 16 year old. I can see how the differences may be because of where we grew up though...:)
@.twist.: Lol I never really had a boyfriend before sixteen but definitely did some things my parents wouldn't have approved of. I'm sure my future kids will rebel and do things I don't approve of too.
@tksjewelry: I am not judging--I am just wondering how this works with someone 18years of age not having the freedom to have a private internet accounts and having to give his/her parents all of their passwords?
I don't think children can fully grow to their potential if a parent(s) are breathing down their neck every second of every day insisting that if they don't have access to thier childs personal information then the child is going to do something wrong. I know for myself and mostly everyone I know, those of us that rebelled before graduating from highschool and before going to college have turned out A LOT better than those that never did a bad thing while living at home, and going to college right away. Those are the ones that rebel as soon as they leave their parents house because they are not used to the freedom and privacy.
ETA: My post has nothing to do with what you posted. I am just curious about how it works for the children in the long term.
I'd guess the person with 300+ friends might be playing one of those facebook games like Cityville or Mafia Wars? I used to have close to 1200 friends (because you get more advantages with more friends) back when I played those games.
I am a teacher of kids ages 14-16, and some of my kids have gotten into huge trouble because of Facebook.
One of my kids was suspended for bullying kids on Facebook; another put up a Facebook status bragging about having sex with her boyfriend in the bathroom at school. Sure enough, the next day the principal caught her in the boys' bathroom with the boy because she had literally tipped him off to it by posting it as her status!
Many of these kids are too young to really comprehend that everything you put out there is PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE. I think allowing teens to have a Facebook is fine, but for younger kids, monitoring from parents is so important.
@barbie86: Yep, I also lost my viginity at 14, as did lots of my friends, some 13 (not many), some 15. I also have friends who didn't until they were 18/19 but never had any rules of "no, you can't have a boyfriend". A friend of mine's parents let all their boyfriends sleep over when they were 14 but new boyfriends, not even long-term ones. I thought about it because it shocked even me, but then I realised that it is better to trust your teenagers and know they're having safe sex in your own home than have them sneak off elsewhere. It's really no different to my own upbringing, except my boyfriend couldn't technically sleep over until I was about 16 (so he had to leave at 10/11 but would be up in my room until then..... makes no sense, haha!).
I was allowed a boyfriend to stay over at 15; again, I think my parents would rather that, that me having sex somewhere else eg outside somewhere. I was on the pill and using condoms, so they knew I was afe.
Whereas one of my friends is STILL not allowed boyfriends to stay over: at 25!! She lives away from home, and if she visits with a (long-term) partner, they have to sleep in separate rooms. I honestly find this bizarre; will her parents still be like this when she's married?! How would they feel if they stayed with her, and she insisted on separate rooms because the tought of them having sex in her hbouse made her 'uncomfortable'?... Really odd!
Re maturity: I really think it depends on the individual. I first had sex at 14. I made sure we used condoms (properly; still shocks me that a lot adults cannot use them correctly), and I was ready (and had been ready for some time). I've always been mature for my age, and fairly sensible. Compare this to my friend who waited until she was 19, then had sex with a guy she barely knew, didn't use a condom, and really regretted it after. She just was not mature enough.
Age is just a number; just because one person isn't mature enough to have sex at 14, doesn't mean everyone is the same. Similarly, some people may not be mature enough by the age of 19 or 20. Personally, I think that provided they are totally consenting (ie don't feel under pressure), and know to take the proper precautions, and don't live to regret it, then THAT'S the right age; be it 13, 14, 17, or 20. There are no hard and fast rules.
But I do think that banning relationships and so on is short-sighted in most cases, as teens will be teens, and many will just do things behind your back. I'm not a parent and have no plans to be; but if I were, I would want my child to trust me and be able to confide in me, and if they were having sex, I'd sooner know that they were doing it in a safe place with a boyfriend I've met, than in a park or alley with some guy I've not met because I 'banned' them from dating. To me, the latter is basically just burying your head in the sand and convincing yourself that if you can't see it, they're not doing it...
@barbie86: In the US there are laws about the age of consent for a reason (though the laws mostly pertain to over 18 and under 18s having sex) and I honestly believe it is because at a certain age you are not able to make decisions about sex. It sounds like you are a very mature person in general and grew up fast...in the same token my 17 year old cousin who is very mature (on some things lol) and is in her second semester away at college still plays with pokemon cards and can be incredibly childish. I think it is for every parent to make decisions on what's best for their teenager and I would honestly want my kids to remain kids as long as possible. I can see where you're coming from as far as going so far as to ban my kids from doing things, but there have to be limits (imo) and even if my husband and I don't make a hard and fast rule about a dating age you can bet my 13 year old daughter will not be allowed to have a boy in her bedroom alone with the door shut.
Can you tell I am going to be a strict parent one day? Ha! Of course that all depends on the kid...if our son or daughter is like me then I will definitely NEED to be more strict...if our child is like my husband I'm sure we can be more lenient lol. I'm starting to feel like a future psycho mom though from this thread and how people feel about kids having sex! Am I really the only one who is going to be more hardcore about allowing kids to have sex under your roof? I agree with sex ed and disagree with teaching abstinence only BUT at the same time I don't want to flat out encourage teens to have sex...ESPECIALLY younger teens...13 year olds are still in middle school here. I def did not see my views as hard core...lol in fact I feel (felt lol) like i'm cutting edge for where I live for not being all abstinence only!
@barbie86: I just had a shower and remembered..... I was allowed to stay at his when I was 14, when we'd been together just a couple of months, but we had to sleep in separate rooms (yeah, like there wasn't serious middle-of-the-night room-creeping). Also when I was 14, we went on holiday to Paris for Valentine's weekend!!!! My mum came too, though - it was the 3 of us, but she did her own thing and we all slept in bunk beds, haha. Then we went to another part of France to stay at my mum's then boyfriend's. I think it's interesting how the first 3 UK bees have all confirmed losing their virginity at 14 - I don't think that's actually the norm, though not at all unusual. I just think I was one of the first (but not the first) among my friends.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 37 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 35 |
| Mrs.KMM | 27 |
| ndreighton | 26 |
| beargoose | 25 |
| Gemstone | 24 |
| Beckster329 | 23 |
| BetterSherm | 20 |
| Rivendeler | 20 |
| KCKnd2 | 19 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MrsCarnival | 2 |
| hammerpants | 2 |
| redheadem | 2 |
| CorgiTales | 1 |
| noopnoop | 1 |
| GoldfishPie | 1 |
| Mrs.KMM | 1 |
| misskoala | 1 |
| jo.lee | 1 |
| shimmerofheaven | 1 |
