Post # 1
Has anyone had a serious issue with their parents or FILs not approving of the ceremony/reception venue? How did you deal with it? Any advice?
My parents are fine with the venue we’ve chosen, but we’re about to break it to FMIL. The only fights we’ve had about the wedding have been with her, because she really wanted us to get married in a church (specifically, the one where we met.) My fiance and I are not religious anymore, but we keep that fairly quiet as it would break her heart. We chose to say that it’s important to us to get married in Chicago, where we live, and that a church wedding is not “us.”
We will put our foot (feet?) down with her but I’d hate for things to blow up so early. I wouldn’t tell her yet, but our venue books up early, so we’re signing this summer.
Post # 3
I think my FMIL is slightly annoyed that we wanted to do the reception somewhere other than the basement of the church we’re getting married in or said town’s local community center. She doesn’t want to travel further than down the street, even though my family (including my parents) is traveling across the state. And it’s not look we didn’t consider those places. We decided that the basement was too small and cramped for 100 people to be comfortable and the community center was already booked for that date. We would have to rush to put up decorations and take them down in like a 3 hour time span. Too much hassle and stress to have to it there.
So, my FI found a lovely Bed & Breakfast 15 minutes away and we went with that instead. I don’t regret our choice even if other people give me grief for it.
My advice is stick to your guns, especially if your the one paying for it. (As is the case with me and my guy.)
Post # 4
@Foolhardy: the B&B sounds really nice! I’m sure the guests will love it.
We’re paying for about 1/3 of our wedding plus any budget overflow, my parents (who have no problem with the venue) are paying for about 2/3 of it. The one issue that we have is that FMIL vaguely offered to pay more for extra guests once upon a time but never really mentioned it again. We’re not counting on any extra since we only have room for 175 people, and I know she wants to invite way more.
Post # 5
I would tell her the next time wedding plans are brought up. Mention that you and FI found a really great place that is within your budget and will be just large enough for your 175ish people wedding.
that way you are not asking her opinion you are sharing good news! (or have your FI do it!)
Post # 6
We have a similar situation. We asked both of our mothers to come see the venue where we’re having our ceremony and reception. His mom was clearly annoyed and was just being flat our rude to me, my mom, and the venue’s staff member who was with us. I’m not exactly sure what her problem was, but FI thinks a large part of it was that we were not having our wedding in a church. FI’s mom is religious, but neither of us are.
For us, this was a pretty big decision. I can give a little on a lot of other things (especially since FI’s parents are contributing), but neither of us want to get married in a church. It’s just not right for us.
Anyway…I’ll agree with Foolhardy – stand your ground on this one, especially since you and your parents are paying for it.
Post # 7
What if you get a reverend or minister to officiate at your location? Would that be a good way to compromise? That is how we compromised our situation.