Post # 1
First of all, thank you so much for all your replies! I didn’t want to be rude and leave you all hanging, so…
Now I understand why he spent so much money on her. His birthday is September 28th and he said she pretty much told him that she bought a couple of tickets for them to go see a concert on the 27th – The day before his birthday.
We live in Vancouver, Canada, the concert’s in Seattle, Washington. We’re talking a three hour drive.
She hasn’t given him his gift yet. So he has no idea if it’s just him and her going alone or if they’re bringing other people. All she told him was to make sure he had September 27th off from work. That’s all he knows.
I told him that there is no way in hell I’m allowing him to go to Seattle for a concert ALONE with her. If he wants to go, he’s going to have to take me with them and/or take other friends with them. I also told him that I don’t want him hanging out alone with her anymore and to keep their communications to a minimum. If she wants to hang out, she can come hang out with BOTH of us.
He said I’m starting to “scare him” because I’ve never acted this way before. Ugh. I just said that he needed to know what I find acceptable and unacceptable so that he can make changes ahead of time if need be. I also said he needs to talk to her so she understands what’s going on.
He goes, “She’ll probably be mad.” And I replied, “I don’t care.” Then we kissed and hugged and now we’re fine.
What a crappy day! Who’s up for ice cream? haha!
Post # 3
@VCWedding: Oh what the holy fuck? She bought tickets for them to go to a concert THREE HOURS away? I assume the concert is at night… so she’s probably gunning for them to spend the night. What the hell?
Is your man usually pretty naive? Because my guy doesn’t know shit about women and I’m pretty sure even he would see that all that is totally inappropriate and the girl is probably trying to get in his pants.
Post # 4
DUDE. STILL NOT OKAY. Who the F*CK does she think she is, buying him expensive tickets to a concert – without one for you – that is THREE HOURS AWAY. NOT okay.
Post # 5
@MexiPino: Yeah, I looked it up. The concert starts at 7:30. But since his birthday’s the next day, he said he’d definitely drive back.
Like most guys, I just think he likes that a pretty girl is giving him attention. Somehow he convinced himself that her intentions were innocent but I’m pretty sure they weren’t.
I could be wrong. She might just view him as a friend but him and I have agreed not to take the risk.
Post # 6
Sounds like you handled the situation well — lay down the law, girl! That is definitely NOT okay and I’m glad you immediately but the kibosh on the ol’ “just a couple of platonic friends going on a romantic date together to another country” thing. Yikes.
Post # 7
She’ll probably be mad? *blank stare*
Post # 8
@VCWedding: also told him he needs to talk to her so she understands what’s going on. He said, “She’ll probably be mad.” if this relationship is so innocent, why would she be mad??
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
Ok thats not cool at all of her. My hubs has female friends sometimes they hang out, but they arent buying him expensive concert tickets 3 hours away. He also tells me in advance hey we’re going to lunch with so and so since most of his female friends are coworkers/former coworkers and they get together every 2-3 months. Your hubs may think this is innocent but this woman is not innoccent you handled this better than I would have and as stated my hubs has plenty of female friends. There is a line to these things and this woman is crossing it she’s building the Golden Gate Bridge over it :/.
Post # 10
Nothing about this situation is ok. His female friends should not be buying him expensive gifts that involve travel without a) running it by him so that he can run it by you and b) inviting you as well. I don’t know how you are so fine with this. I certainly would not be.
Post # 11
@VCWedding: I read your first post on my phone and I couldn’t reply there so I’ll just do it here. I think you did the right thing by standing your ground and telling him about it. However, I would suggest keeping both eyes on it, from the sound of it, I don’t like your SO’s friend…
I have a ton of guy friends, some I’ve know for a decade and I love them to pieces, however, if/when they have a girlfriend/fiance/wife/SO I make sure to be friends with them as soon as I meet them.
To me this is extremely important because I want to make sure I don’t cross any boundaries with their partner, I love my friends but I respect and understand the relationship with their lady comes first and above all. I want them to like me so we can all have a mature friendship, and be able to hang out; keep my guy friends and gain a girl friend!
Even if I don’t particularly like their gf or vice versa, I still make efforts to be friends with them, for the sake’s of the friendship with my guy friend.
I would suggest to tell him that if he wants to hang out with her you need to be aroud, not because of jealousy but rather because since she’s his friend you want to get to know her and build a friendship with her too! He can’t keep a friend from the opposite sex away from you or seeing her without your knowledge, if it was the other way around what would he say/do?
In my book that’s not right, my bf and I are best friends and we both know our friends and hangout as a group; we usually always take each other to friend’s outings, but if not, I know who he is hanging out with and can tell you lots about those people and he can do the same.
You mentioned she doesn’t have many female friends or something like that, so it’s even better for you to try to get your guy to have you two meet/talk.
Post # 12
@QuirkySocialite: Because she’s overly dramatic. I don’t like hanging out with her because she has to be the center of attention at all times. It’s always, “me, me, me.”
Post # 13
Okay…most of my friends are men, some are very well off. I have never, ever received flowers from any of my male friends. Not a single one. The most I’ve gotten is a card and/or a beer, maybe we all go out to dinner and he picks up the tab. Cause we’re f-r-i-e-n-d-s.
If I got flowers I would be FREAKING OUT that my friend now has a romantic interest in me. A gift on top of that?! Nope, nope, nope, nope (see below).
I have a feeling there is more to this than you know.
Attached men do not give platonic friends $80 flowers.
Post # 14
@VCWedding: Sorry, but who the hell cares if she’s mad? It’s a weird situation and I GUARANTEE you that she knows it. Let her be mad. You need to do what’s best for you – and so does your SO.
Post # 15
I am all for males and females being friends, but HELL NO to this situation. In your first thread I thought maybe there was something innocent behind the whole thing (group gift, she had a shitty year and he wanted to cheer her up) but her trying to take him to a concert 3 hours away is just weird. Vancouver is not a small city, I’m sure whatever concert she wants to take him to would be coming to Vancouver as well.
I don’t think your FI is up to anything, he just seems incredibly naive, but this information combined with the old thread (where she told him she really wanted a $200 item for her birthday) just doesn’t sit right with me. I am not one to advocate women putting limits on their SO’s friendships, but I think you are in the right with what you have told him.
Post # 16
@VCWedding: Holy smokes, Batman! Who does she think she is?
When did she tell him about this plan and why are you just hearing about this now?!?